Contact Court Order - Broken

[dinga]

Hi, Be really grateful for any advice. I have a court order to see my daughter every 2 wks. I have not seen my daughter for 6 weeks now as the CSA have confirmed that I can not afford to pay and have given me a nil result. Since then my ex partner has told my daughter that she can't come until I start paying. I am not sure what to do and what do I do about the court order being broken?
Thank you for all your help. This is so unfair on my daughter - she has been placed in the middle - A rose between two thorns!!!

[Goodsoulette]

Can you not offer a token payment of something. Even if its just a small amount each week, it would be the grandest of gestures. If not its back to court/solicitors I imagine.

[PinkFizz]

It is very mean of your ex to do this - as you say ,the child is in the middle of it all.Believe me I should know - my partner is in a similar situation.If she has broken the court order then you need to back to the court and explain this and they will probably summons her back again to explain herself.

[dinga]

Thank you for your help. Just to confirm...I was paying the CSA. Then my ex went back to the CSA to say that she wanted more and that I was to be reassesed. As a result of the reassesment, they have now said that I can't acutally afford anything. Also, before going down the CSA route, I offered 200GBP per month but SHE wanted 400!! That's when the CSA got involved. So I have been paying for some 7 years up until recently. I have been trying to read different websites and there seems to be something I cold get attached to the original court order but I don't really understand it.

[janetsflower]

Well if you can't afford to support your daughter then you surely can't afford to look after her while she is in your care either. Everyone knowes how bloody useless the CSA are and if you have any morals you should still make an effort to pay something towards her upkeep whether the CSA say you should or not. My ex managed to get a nil assesment too and has paid nothing for our son for 7 years, however he manages to send his other child to private school, foreign holidays etc etc. My son made his own mind up and hasn't seen his father for 2 years. Kids ain't as stupid as you think and your daughter will decide what she thinks when she is old enough so if i was you i would do the decent thing

[PinkFizz]

Forget the csa for a second - can you actually afford to pay her anything or not?

[dinga]

What I was originally paying to the CSA, I now pay into a trust for my daugher, so I am still paying but not direct to her mum. It seems that the whole thing is based around money, which a child doesn't understand. What gives anyone the right to just say no...unless there is some sort of abuse or something. My daughter comes into a loving environment and we sit and do homework, go skating ro cinema...something along those lines. i also purchase any school stuff that is needed, uniform, shoes, pe kits, I have also offered to pay for her school trips. The words "you are not seeing your Dad until he starts paying" is not on! By the way, I have NEVER let my daugher down. I am not interested in her Mothers welfare...sorry.

[merlin58]

So, lets get this right. You cant afford to make sure your child eats or has a roof over her head, but you can afford to take her skating, to films etc.

So thats all right then, If your ex is not working I assume you think we can all pay to bring your child up on your behalf while you get all the good bits and fun? And even if she is working, then so what?

Ah, yes......the good old 'trinket father' is alive and well.

As for �200a month, thats is not going to go very far in paying for what she needs is it! And you think thats a lot do you?

You need to come back to planet earth. Perhaps then you should take the chip off your shoulder, grow up and understand that its your responsibilty to make sure your child is looked after today, and everyday, and not just when you feel like it. Just because the CSA says you dont have to pay does not make it right for you not to do so.

By the way, I am 48, a male, and have been bringing up two step kids for the last ten years with no help from the father what-so-ever. Not that its done me any good. He was just like you, said he could not pay. Guess what those kids think of him now?

I'm sorry about the aggressive nature of this answer, but people like you make my blood boil.

[FlowerPetal]

Dinga, at least you have paid something towards your daughter. My stepsons mother refused to pay anything until i got in contact with the CSA and now she pays �5.00 per fortnight!!! She then told my s/son that that was ENOUGH and that we should be greatful for even that!!!
Her partner works full time and raises her three other children, 1 lives with her fulltime, 1 lives with her and his foster care partime and the other comes and goes between her and his foster family whenever he pleases. She has now got a mortgage with he partner, but has wangled it so that her name is not on the paperwork and any job she gets in cash in hand so hat she doesnt get caught out!
My s/son is 11 yrs old, lives with us and has now refused contact because of this very reason and a host of other lies she fed him! So, kids will make up they mind - it just may take awhile.
Have faith in that your daughter will know whats right and whats wrong and will decide (Sadly) accordingly

Good luck
Flower xx

[Goodsoulette]

�200 a month sounds like a good amount to me.. if the father of my children gave me that I would be over the sodding moon. There father gives me nothing, never has! I think 400 sounds like way too much, 200 quid buys ALOt!

[dtr123]

I think you need to decide if you can afford anything. I will be in the same position soon and to me 200 will be a fairly large percentage of my monthly salary. You have to be able to afford somewhere to live and to eat. But on the other hand you have a moral obligaton to look after your kids. Like you didnt know that eh!.Go and see your solicitor and see what he has to say.

Best of luck.

[chitchat]

Everyone seems to be missing the point here. This is not about how much maintenance he is paying but the fact that this ex is saying he cannot see his daughter without paying despite having a court order in place. The maintenance is separate issue. Your ex should not be stopping you seeing your daughter. Go back to court and get the court order enforced. If your ex wants money she should follow the appropiate course of action and not involve your child.

Hope you get it sorted for your little girls sake.

[scruffscat]

i get �160 a month for my 2 teenagers one 15 and the other is 13. Their dad voluntarily pays it to me.The csa were a joke and always assessed him at a nil amount.When i finally got a �40 a week assessment made they told me it would be phased in over 5 years as it was such abig recalculation for him...aaaaaah doesnt your heart bleed?it took me 8 yes 8 years to get that.You have no idea how hard and totally demoriising it was for me and my kids.Im sorry if you want things to be fair play fair and start payin up.Sounds to me your being as a arkward as your ex.

[scruffscat]

to further that i binned the csa and told him he had to pay it voluntarily or he wouldnt be seein them,so sorry i can see why your ex has done it.

[cinders01]

i have been through this both with my ex and my partners ex. you have rights to your daughter and leagally YOU HAVE A CONTACT ORDER THAT SHES BROKE.go to a solicitors and get legal aid.a letter from your solicitor will frighten her as she is breaking a court order.CSA suck i dont get nothing for my daughter off her (sperm doner haha) and as much as i detest the prat he has his child every wkend.... she will damage the child.TRUST ME I HAVE SEEN IT HAPPEN,my partners ex has done the exact same and he has not seen his kids for nearly 2yrs.

[Blyss]

I think what dinga is trying to say here is that he has paid double what the CSA has stated he should have been paying all along and in cases like that the csa then decied that since he has overpayed he does not have to pay now.
As with the broken court order there is a few things you could do firstly contact the lawyer and tell them your x has broken it , your lawyer will then contact the courts and they will set a new date for another hearing, your x will get her wrist slapped at the most first time round , if she continues after the second hearing to break the court order she may end up with a fine and then on to a jail time.
You could also contact the school that your daughter attends and if your court order states your time with your daughter starts say ..friday at 3.30pm ,, then the school has to hand your daughter over to you on these dates and not the childs mother.
The reason I know all this is because I went through it all and belive me its not easy.
best of luck dinga

[Pippa68]

Maintenance & contact are two separate issues. The CSA back this up ~ after all they can take thousands of pounds in maintenance from a father who is still denied contact.

Kids should not be held to ransom. I speak from both sides as I am both a mum & a stepmum and truly believe that children can not be bought. It is about time that parents who treat their children as commodities and pawns be brought to justice..it's vile!

As a side note, it is up to BOTH parents to support their children financially.

Go back to court and tell them your ex has breached the court order.