Temper Tantrums

[Stevie]

Hi Folks

I hope someone can help with this one ....

My wife and I have the most gorgeous 2 and a half year old son who, in the main, is well behaved .....

I say in the main because recently his behaviour has became concerning to say the least ....

I know little boys tend to like more the 'rough and tumble' but, while watching him, we've noticed that he is becoming a bit heavy handed with other children when he is supposed to be playing with them ....

More concerning is his behaviour towards my wife and when he doesn't 'get his own way' .... throws tantrums when he isn't allowed to behave as he sees he should be allowed to, or when he is told that he isn't allowed a certain thing ....

Bedtime is becoming a nightmare, so much so that my wife and I are taking turns at putting him to bed when we put him to bed together in the past .... he will not stay in bed, 'demands' more stories or my wife and I to stay with him and do what he wants ....

Now Super Nanny would lead us to believe that all we need to do is to put him back into bed, tell him it's bedtime and not to interact with him in any other way ....

That's great, but is she gonna come by my house everyday with a carper cleaner to try to remove stains from it that my son has caused by working himself into such a bad mood and tantrum that he can make himself physically sick .....!!!!???? Bet she won't .....

Sorry about the length of this question folks, but I hope that someone may be able to help or advise us of their methods if they experienced the same thing ....

Should have said, after tonight's shenanigans, his favourite toys, DVDs, the works have been put under lock and key in the garage ....

Thanks folks ...

S

[Ree0909]

Having read your post, i shuddered with the memory of bedtime tantrums! I am no expert on this matter although can give you my own experience, it sounds similar to the behaviour of my son around that age, what I found worked best in the end, was to put my son to bed in a definate routine, same time, same person, same pre bed drink, wash etc.. once lights were out, i used to hide outside his room with the door ajar and landing light on, i had a mirror that i used to move around when he tryed to get up or speak (or shout!) it would shine and would make a reflection above his bed, I told him it was tinkerbell the bedtime fairy, when he was quiet and still she would go(hold mirror down!) I repeated this until he fell asleep. it didnt work first time but after a few goes it did, I only had to this for a couple of weeks and then we got past the tantrums altogether. (then it was on to the next challenge). I always thik to myself that if I had another child, from bein a baby I would get them used to a bedtime routine, in a dark, quiet room with a closed door, hindsight is a wonderful thing, and Ive not had the energy for any more children yet!! good luck.

[andy-hughes]

This period of growth is so common, it's called the 'terrible twos' - as you have found out!

What is happening here is that your son is developing as an individual, and a personality. He is learning that certain behaviour by him elicits certain reactions from you, so he's pushing the buttons.

Children learn very quickly that you are worried and concerned by his tantrums, and he senses that he can manipulate this reaction, so he does.

Yes - Supernanny will tell you to put him back to bed with no interaction, because that is what removes the point of the exercise for him. Any tantrum should simply be ignored - absent yourself, and don't go back to him. It is hard, because he will work himself up into a total rage, but if you persevere, you will win.

This is the bedrock of your son learning the family structure, and that he does not have first call on your attention all the time. Babies are utterly egocentric, which is fine, but children have to learn that there are times to go to sleep, and that they must fit in.

Be patient, be calm, back each other up at all times - or he will simply play one off against the other - and you will win.

ctd. .....

[andy-hughes]

Just read Ree0909's post - which adds to the point I was going to add - a secure regular bedtime routine is essential in getting a toddler to sleep. Try some quiet games before bed, a nice warm bath, some supper - cereal is good, and make sure he has a wee before he gets into bed.

Calmness and routine are the essentials to a good routine, and if you make it stick each night, you will succeed, but you have to remain strong, and patient, and calm. Don't loose your temper under any circumstances, and this period will pass.

I've got three girls, so I know what I'm talking about!

[Stevie]

Hi Folks

Thank you for your advice ....

I'll certainly take something from it ...

Andy, again thank you for your advice .... however, the trying to ignore the tantrums at bedtime would work if he wasn't capable of working himself up so much that he is capable of making himself physically sick .... he is then, indirectly, getting what he wants .... the attentions of my wife and I as we clean up the mess on him, his beeding and, invariably, carpets throughout the upstairs of our house .... it'd probably be cheaper buying a carpet cleaner than to hire it as we've had to do 3 times in just over 2 weeks to clean up vomit stains ....!!

My wife and I initially thought he may be ill, however our fears have been allayed on that score and his being sick is purely temper ....

Thank you again folks ....

S

[Hapus]

I hate to say this but by being sick he is gaining exactly what he wants, i.e. attention. When you do clean it up , do not speak to him, simply change his bedding , his pjs. put him into bed and clean up, He will soon realise that this behaviour has failed to enage you in play time or conversation.
My sister was the same at that age. Structure and consistentcy will work - sadly no one said it would be easy!

[Stevie]

Hi Folks

Once again, thank you all for your advice .... very much appreciated ...


Hapus .... you said it .... no one said it'd be easy ....

Wouldn't swap him for the world though ....!!!!

Now where did I leave the Shake 'n' Vac .....!!!!!

S

[spudqueen]

Ah yes, the terrible twos, I remember it well! You've had some good advice, but one thing I would like to add is that my sons behaviour became much worse after eating or drinking certain things. It took me a long time to make the connection, but when I did things improved enormously. I'm not sure what sparked him off, it wasn't aspartime as he could have lemonade, but no coloured fizzy drinks and a lot of sweets were banned in our house, skittles, astros, chewits, but strangely he could eat smarties or fruitellas with no problems. Anyway - just a thought.