Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence

[Patrick19]

I split up with my girlfriend who was pregnant with my baby but aborted it. I am in a lot of stress and I am anxious and paining.

I have a question about Loves triumph of the so-called philosophy of life.

I can not do anything about life as it is. I am in a lot of distress.

I made a remark to my friend on MSN and said this after he asked me "i am sorry, may be you can better yourself"

my reply was:
because if that is life. how can you simply say "thats life"? making yourself feel better is not about wallowing in the reasons of why it happened. Because you can not tolerate the pain of the reasons nor the pain of the outcome.

[emmagleb]

I'm sorry to hear about your losses, both that of your girlfriend and of the baby.

I think there are a lot of factors in this that all contribute to how you feel. For example, was the baby wanted? Did she abort without consulting you? What were the main reasons for you breaking up? What kind of age range are you both?

If the baby was wanted on your side but not hers, then no matter now much YOU loved it, without the love of both parents the baby would be lacking in something.

If she aborted without consulting you, that was unfair, though she may have had valid reasons. I guess this bit lies with how old she is.... at 18 a baby is a bad option, at 30 perhaps its not. Myself, at 22, would have to think very hard about keeping / aborting, though the views of my partner would have a strong input. I'd like to think I'd find a way of coping with keeping it, but everyone is different.

The reasons for you splitting up... Was it because of the baby? Were you naturally drifting apart? For whatever reasons, both of you will have differnet opinions. If it was because of the baby, then maybe a reconsiliation is on the cards by discussing where it went wrong, and putting everlasting love and a family into the future. If you were drifting apart anyway then you have to consider taking time to look after yourself and choose another path away from her. Its very easy to say that it'l get better with time - I know I'd want to hit everynoe who said that.....

[emmagleb]

......
Whatever doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. How long were you together? Concentrate on the good times, how happy you were together, and how much she will be missing out by not staying with you. In this, YOU are the number one person. -CAZ- is right - you'll learn a lot about yourself and given time, you'll be able to see things a differnet way. It took me a full 6 months to get over my previous partner (and that was a month of crying, shouting and drinking), but once I finally did and met someone else, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now I can look abck and see flaws in the past relationship and tell-tale signs that it wouldn't have worked, and how much better off I am now.

I suggest taking time to do the thinngs YOU want to do, and not doing things you used to do together. Take up a new sport (ultimate frisbee is amazing fun if you can find a team), find a new skill (rock-climbing?), see more of your friends, learn to cook, go for walks, read a book..... you will be enhancing your character, finding new things to apperciate and letting go.

Hope it works out ok

[simplyemma21]

I was a bit obsessive and posessive, maybe because I have Aspergers Syndrome. But, I would have given her space. My actions have made me feel more depressed because they may have resulted in her loss. It's too painful.