To try for a 2nd child or not?

[mats01_99]

Hi all. My daughter has just turned 1 and my wife & I have started to talk about trying for another. We feel torn as to whether or not to do this as she gets so much attention at the moment surely another baby demanding her Mum & Dads time would be hard for her to take and would she be overcome by jealousy?, however on the other hand I'd love for her to have a brother or sister to play with as she grows up.
I know there is probably not an ideal time but how long would you recommend between first & second children?

[redcrx]

Its up to you and mum to decide.
I know of mums that have been pregnant within months of having their first and also mums that have waited a few years. Situations are different for every family.

personally im waiting until my son is eligable for free nursery sessions before considering a second child but thats because I work full time with him by my side and it wouldnt be so easy with 2 all the time.

[spanner7853]

I think it's your own personal choice on this one. I know people that have popped them out one after the other and it worked for them. I waited until my little girl started nursery before I had my son (2yrs and 10 months apart) that way I could spend time with the baby in the morning and do stuff all together in the afternoon, They are 13 and 10 now and fight like anything and I am mad enough to have another one cooking at the moment. A lot of people I know at the moment are waiting about 2 or 3 years but like I said the choice is really yours. I dont think I could afford 2 in nappies though!

[annie0000]

I don't think there is such a thing as an ideal gap - however, you shouldn't be basing your decision on whether you have a second child or not on the fact that your first may be jealous. You have to think about all the factors involved - do you as parents want more than one child? the counteract to them being jealous is that they have someone to play with and share with.

My two boys are 13 months apart - sort of planned that way - whilst it was very difficult juggling everything when they were babies - and yes expensive with 2 in nappies at the same time - however, now that they are 6 and 5 we are reaping the benefit in that although they fight from time to time, they get on very well - like the same things and have now chosen to share a room - When they are grown up, they will be able to share the laughter and stories of a shared upbringing. Because they are so close, we don't have the older one being responsible for the younger which makes it more difficult for us, but fairer on them.

I do think that it made the older one missed out a bit on his babyhood though and I sometimes feel guilty about that, but he cannot remember a time when it wasn't the 2 of them.

We still do things with them seperately, but they are both of an age to go to the same clubs and things and always have someone to talk to. They also have seperate friends and shared friends.

I have also spoken to friends who have had them with a bigger gap and that's what worked for them, but I also have friends who felt when their child got to 3 that they had left it too long to have another as they had got used to the increased freedom of no nappies and buggy and didn't want to go back to that again.

[badgerchops]

My friend has a child who is now 12 and is an only-child. my friend took the decision to not have any more as she didnt want to take away any of the limelight from her daughter and have to split her love with another child. As someone looking on she really should have, if she could, had another one as this child has grown up never sharing, wanting everything solely & attention seeking, I am sure that having siblings is a good thing for a child and if you are able to have another child (physically and financially) then the child will grow more with siblings than without.

i have an older brother who is 2 yrs older than me and thats a nice age gap and i have a baby sister who is 7 yrs younger and that works equally as well.

[missrandom]

my two have a gap of nearly three years and its fine. in some respects i would have possibly left it a little longer (if i had known how she was going to be), but in other ways its nice. if they are the type to get jealous then they'll do that at whatever age. they play, they argue etc same as kids with whatever age gap. iam glad my son had been out of nappies for nearly a year when i had my daughter though, as much more economical.

[888sally888]

I have gap off 22 months between my 2 daughters. It was hard work when they were little but I am so glad I chose this gap. They are now 15 and 17 and the best of friends (and laways have been). I also feel that number 2 loved tha attention from my first daughter and it heped her development as well. However the 2nd one didnt walk till 18 months cos her big sister ran around after her all the time!! My advice would be 'go for it'!!

[fine,thanks]

just relax she is a child not a robot if another child appears on the scene what do you think she will do? like all first children she will accept it .

[sleepy1]

i have a 3 year gap with my kids which i think is nice
. older one was just starting playschool so had a bit more time with younger one . it was not to bad with both coz the older one could do more for hes self at 3 , dressing washing him self . etc

[ronnientom]

Hi we are currently preg with our second child our daughter will be 2 (to the exact date) when our little boy comes, my daughter is very excited she trys to feed the bump and strokes it all the time. if someone touches it too much she tells them off so is protective of him already!

i am a childminder and have seen this a lot and also have friends that have waited and friends that have had them very close together and in my personal experience i find the children further apart dont have much in common and therefore have not as much interest in the new arrival and my friends that have had them close together the adjusting seems to be a lot easier as they soon forget what it was like without them, have more incommon with playing etc and also seem to be more helpful as it seems like a game.

I personally recommend about 2 years between them- but everyone is different!

i think you will get a certain amount of jealousy wahtever the age but only you know your daughter! Good luck with your decision!

[gina32]

i disagree with badgerchops, my daughter is nearly 25 and an only child, she is a well mannered caring sharing person, she would play nicely alone or with other children,she isnt jealous of anyone or anything, i think its the way the child is brought up and not a lot to do with having siblings

[sportsmom]

Again, like everyone else has said - every family's situation is different so the decision would be up to you.

I personally think 3 years is a good age gap. I had one son just getting out of diapers and just started pre-school when I had my 2nd son. It was just perfect. As they got older, they could still play together, however, my oldest went through puberty and all of a sudden his younger brother is not one of his favorite people at the moment.

We are also expecting our 3rd child in August after 12 years! I think this age gap is way too much. My children were very upset about it but are finally coming around to accepting the fact that they're going to have a new sibling and that it' s a girl on top of that!!

Kids adjust -- families adjust, but just think of all the pros and cons before you make up your mind on when to have the 2nd one.