should i look for my daughters father

[eve25]

my daughters father has never seen her and has said he doesent wish to have contact with either of us. i just feel so guilty she doesent have her dad around do i try to find him?

[stokeace]

sorry to hear of your dilema eve if he doesnt want nothing to do with either of you he seems a righ b***ard [excuse my french] its his loss and if i were you id portray him as such to your daughter he doesnt deserve kids if hes like that.hes scum and not even worthy of being called a father.good luck.

[yummymum]

I would try and find him just so you have made the effort for your daughthers sake, not that he deserves it but at least if you try you can tell her when she is older. If he doesnt show interest though i wouldnt push it like stoke said its his loss. When she gets older you can let her try for herself and then just be there for her if he lets her down. Be honest with her as she grows up tell her the truth about how things are and make it known that you have tried. xx

[joannie10]

could you perhaps just try to kinda keep track of him - I dont mean stalking or anything just so that when the time come if your daughter wishes to make contact you will have good knowledge of where to help her find him? You have nothing to feel guilty about I am sure you are a wonderful mum.

[MYSTERYT]

Been there done that and can wear the tea shirt,!!!!!!!
You want to know something you will do as much if not a better job of raising her and you have nothing to thank him for ,i have raised my kids on my own and i tell you one thing yes it's hard but the rewards far out way that ,my daughter is 16 now and sitting her GCSE's and all our higher papers apart from 2 ,so be proud of yourself and stuff him it's his loss (foolish man that he is )and if he tells you he aint bothered well he's a lier cause he will think about her ,and it might get the better of him that he might want to see her .
Be happy xx

[Pippa68]

I agree with Joannie ~ no matter what you think of him, or what he thinks of you OR her..your daughter deserves to know of him and his whereabouts in the future.

I was brought up not knowing my father and it has affected me deeply ~ in fact it still does, even though we are together now!

[eve25]

thanks for all your replys, i did try to get in touch with him through my solicitor but i had the police tell me he didnt want to be a part of our lives, as far as i know hes left the country now due to me not recieving any csa.

[aims1202]

The most important thing is not to say horrible things about him to your daughter and if you have them to keep your own bad feelings towards him from her. I have a son who's dad has never met him. We have had no contact since i was pregnant and i have not tried to get any money from him.I am trying to find him to see if hes changed his mind about contact, but i'm pretty sure he still wants nothing to with him. I do think its best to find them for the childs sake. I do not have any bad feelings towards him and although i believe he should see his son, i understand he had his reasons for not doing so. He has to live with it and it is his loss.
My son does ask me about him (he is 4) and i have told him lots of good things about him and i say that mummy and daddy stopped being together before you were born. and that i dont know where he lives any more. At the moment he's happy with that, as he gets older i shall tell him more. I will also help him find him when he's older if he wants to. I do feel guilt about it but i know that this does not help so i just concentrate on giving my son the very best life i can.
My mum and dad split up when i was six and my mum did an amazing job on her own, however she unintentionally used to say negative things about my dad, mainly because she was hurt by him. This did affect me a lot and has taken me long time to deal with it. i really believed when i was younger that if my mum thought this about my dad she must think it of me too as i was part of him. Of course she didnt and i now know this. For a long time i thought my dad didnt want to know me, i was angry with him. i was wrong and now i do see him occasionally and am discovering who he really is and his side of the story.