What to do when you've seperated and you've got kids

[Sian79]

I recently seperated from the father of my two children who are 2 and 4. The kids have taken it pretty well so far, I on the other hand have not.

I made the choice to seperate as my partner fails time and again to face up to his responsibilities and acts like he's still 18 and after the last time he went out and didn't come home I decided enough was enough it wasn't fair on me or the kids.

But, that said I love him and I want to be able to sort things out for us and for the kids.

At the moment he doesn't seem to want to talk about it at all except for when it suits him but it's killing me and I'm looking for advice on what to do now.

[society]

Have a talk with your bishop, priest, imam, pundit, reverent or church elder. Other than that ask God for directions on what to do.

[nuoyg]

Hello, are you able to get someone to babysit for the children and speak to him on neutral ground somewhere about how you feel? Does he know how you really feel? If he won't speak to you about it or meet up the other alternative may be to send him a note or e-mail?

[tiny e.a]

You've just made a very big deicision and it's completely normal that you feel this confusion and hurt. You obviously haven't taken the decision lightly, you seem to feel grealty let down by your partners failure to adapt to married and adult life. You really have to question whether, in the long term, a reconciliation between you and your husband is for the best. If he hasn't changed now you have to consider that he naver may. Being the children of separated parents doesn't have to be a damaging experience, they will adapt, so you shouldn't feel you have to try again for their sake.

You must currently be experiencing a mixture of extreme emotions. Love for your husband, anger at him, guilt at leaving him, concern for your children. My advice would be to not make any further decisions until your emotions have settled down. Wait a month or two to be sure you really do want a reconciliation and aren't just doing it out of panic induced by all you are currently feeling.

In a month or two your partner may also feel more able to talk about the circumstances.

Good luck with whtever you chose do.

[Sian79]

Thank You Tiny.

I think your advice is quite possibly the best advice I've recieved through all of this.

I have tried to talk to him on neutral ground and unfortunatly he is well aware of how I feel. i have suggested to him that we seek further help to resolve our situation whether together or seperated, only to met with an icy response.

It's been two months since we seperated and I think I need to let go of my hopes for us to be ableto talk and for our future and get on with ensuring this doesn't become a damaging experience for my children.

I'm unsure how to resolve the issues surrounding our relationship break down by mself or rather for myself in order to be able to move on.

[Ams6784]

hi darl i know the feeling my boyfriend is the same acts like hes 16 infact, he has 3 kids and still behaves like 1 his self he doesnt do anything apart from work but he thinks because he works he shouldnt have to do anything, i dont ask him to do house work or nowt coz he works but he doesnt do anything for my little boy nappy changes or baths or take him to the park ya get sick of it dont ya pet??? ive told him if he doesnt change and act like a dad he can ****** off too coz ya feel like a single parent and its not fair on us is it??? so stick to ya guns ya sound like alovely person and im sure youll find some1 that will want to look after you and yr kids in a way he didnt! then hell realise what hes lost and what some1s gained!