Scared and really need advice

[littlesheep]

I found out a few days ago that I'm pregant. The problem is my fiance isn't happy. He says its not the right time. We had plans to move to Bermuda in Feb where he had a job lined up which would give us enough money to be comfortable but he'd be working all the time and with a baby it wouldn't be possible to move there. Now he's just had an offer to buy the lease on a very popular restaurant where we live and if he does it means lots of work and money issues. He says what will happen to us. We will never have any time together. We wanted kids one day but not till we were sorted. I'm so scared. I don't want to lose him or ruin our relationship but having a baby when it isn't right for us but I don't know how I could possibly face an abortion when I feel like it's a chance. I mean people try for years to have a baby and never succeed.

[jane1098]

ask yourself do you want the baby and if you do you really need to let your partner know how you feel. know how YOU feel too. is it the right time for YOU. you need to talk to him asap.
how far gone are you?

[mrs_overall]

Why wouldn't it be possible to move to Bermuda with a baby? It's not a third world country! You don't say what type of job your boyfriend has been offered there. One of my brothers is a policeman and he did a 2 year stint in Bermuda a while back. The lifestyle is laid back and it's a beautiful place to live.
If he buys the lease on a local restaurant he will probably have to work his socks off night and day, but he would be building a secure future.
Yes, your life changes when you have a baby, but for the better. Whatever your career options or wherever you want to live, a baby can fit right in. Many babies aren't planned and I bet many coupless talk about "the right time" but life does not always go according to plan and you have to accept that.
As for the abortion issue - take a look in the mirror and ask if you could live with yourself afterwards.
I'm only guessing that you are fairly young and that you are a bit scared. Don't be swayed by other people, be strong ,and decide what is right for you.
Good luck.

[littlesheep]

Thank you so much for your answers. He's been offered a head chef job in a 5 star hotel. He's worked out there before in a similar possition. I just don't think that immigration will be possible for me with a baby because their immigration laws are so strict.

[LUCYX]

Make sure you think this through! Forget the money worries, your fiance's selfishness..just forget everything and ask yourself whether YOU want this baby! If you do not want an abortion then don't get one, people manage in worse situations than you by far! If you decide you are not ready, that you wouldn't be able to give the baby the love, care and attention it needs then maybe you should have an abortion and try again at a more convenient time. If you decide to keep this baby and your fiance leaves, he was not worth having in the first place. A baby is much more important than moving to Bermuda or buying a restaurant. Just make sure you think everything through and make the right choice for you. I wish you the best of luck with your decision and relationship.

[andrea81]

Abortion is a very big decision to make and shouldn't be done for the benefit of someone else. If you're honest with yourself, do you really think your reletionship will come to an end because of having a baby. I expect you know your fiance enough to know what is likley to happen.

I know it's hard to decide whether your relationship means more than having a baby, so the decision should ultimatly be yours, but maynbe if you spoke about your options to him and ask those difficult questions about his loyalty to you, you'll come to that decision.

Good luck honey and keep strong.

[DONNA1458]

There is never a perfect time to have a baby planned or not you manage and never look back once they are here. You do what you think is best as long as you can love and care for your baby and if your partner is the one for you he will stand by you regardless.

[4getmenot]

All you need to ask yourself is is this the right time to bring a baby into the world. Will it ever need for anything? My friend had an abortion at a time where she thought she couldnt have coped and even though it worries her now that she might not be able to have children now she knows it was the right decision at that time

[6758]

hi littlesheep,

Be careful how you put things to your other half... I was in the same situation what seems like light years ago now and told my then boyfriend in no uncertain terms that i was going to have the baby.... I think in hindsight this left him feeling that he had no choice in the matter rather than letting him work it through himself...

[taperface]

Every reply on here has a valid point, but it seems to me that your fiance is dictating every part of your lives. HE says it's not the right time; HE'S the one who had a job in Bermuda lined up; HE'S the one who says you'll never have any time together....and I'm sorry, but it made me think. Has he asked you what YOU want? Has he asked you if you think YOU'LL be able to cope, while he's out working all the time? Has he said yes, great, we'll have a baby because he doesn't want to lose YOU? If you don't want the child, then don't, but it sounds to me as though it's your fiance you're more worried about.

[kyra16]

lil sheep: an abortion is a huge decision. do not let him pressure u into it. it is something that you cant take back; sounds stupid but its true. you have to be 100% sure. do not let him push you into it. it does sound like you're more worried abt him than you are of anything else. he cannot dictate everything in your life; make the decision that is best for you; you will deal w the reprecussions. good luck!!!