Tell my mum ??

[babybombo]

My mum and dad have just split up because my mum found out that my dad has been cheating on her, and its not the first time.
But my dad is denying everything, even though it is blatantly obvious from the way my mum found out, which was by a phone call intended for this other woman, but he phoned my mum by accident.
A few weeks before my mum found out, I was out with friends and saw my dad with another woman, they looked pretty close but at the time I though I shouldn't jump to conclusions so I left it. But now my sister's friend told me that she has seen my dad with this same woman on quite a few occasions.
Its killing my mum that he just wont admit it, but she keeps telling me she feels stupid for not figuring it out, so I dont know if I should tell her as it might make her feel worse. I dont know what to do !!!

[curiosity]

If it were me, I wouldn't tell your mum, but I would tell your Dad everything, and let him know what an awkward situation he has put you in by lying, and that he needs to do the right thing and take any responsibility off your shoulders. Good Luck hope you all get through this stronger.

[skyep]

I agree with curiosity, it's sound advice. I'm sorry you are in this situation, take care xx

[natalie_1982]

I've been in this situation in reverse, I knew things about my mum that I couldn't tell my dad. I still haven't told him, but in hindsight, I wish I had done what curiosity and skyep have suggested because I mightn't have harboured so much anger towards my mother if she had come clean and taken the burden from me, she still doesn't admit to it even though I know for sure what was happening.

We get on well now, but it has been a long, tough road. Try not to end up getting involved, no matter how much you feel for your mum, which is natural, you have a father too, and I doubt very much he intended to hurt you or drag you into this. Tell him how it is affecting you and what you know, put the ball in his court and let him deal with the guilt for a little while and let him see how it feels. I really, really feel for you honety, it's brought back a lot of memories for me and trust me I know how hard it is for you, so don't let it eat you up and make sure you take time to make sure YOU are coping, and not spend all your time making sure your parents (and / or siblings) are ok too. Let us know how it goes X X

[eyeshade]

How sad Babyb, Curiosity deff correct with some good advice from above but you do need to give your mum lots of support, though as she is probably feeling very down at the moment. Good Luck. Let us know how it goes?

[WoWo]

Personally I would tell my mum, if she is already has a very strong case to disbelieve your dad then she IMO would benefit from the truth.

At the moment your mum must feel betrayed by your dad, the last thing you want is for her to findout that you know more than you are letting on and then feel betrayed by everybody. At this point in time, you, your sisters friend and I assume your sister know they truth, it would be terrible for your mum to feel you are all keeping something from her.

You sat it is killing your mum that he will not admit it, I'd imagine she has some doubts about the situation. I really don't think it would do any further harm, however her finding out you know more would.

[VillageVicar]

I feel badly for all of you. But my primary concern is for your own well-being. Sadly, it is the children who end up suffering for the entire family. And in so many cases, you are often forced to take sides.

There have been numerous thoughts offered here. I�m not comfortable with you telling your mother for several reasons. I�m concerned that you will be drawn into the mechanics of whatever steps your parents decide to take next. But I am comfortable with you speaking with your father in private.

You writing in AB is also reflective of another difficult aspect of this all so common challenge in society: you are being drawn into the pain and conflict and you are trying to find ways to either act as mediator or carry some of the burden yourself.

Perhaps one of the greatest things you can do for your parents is to present both of them with the telephone number for Relate. Explain that you need for them to resolve their issues so that it won�t affect you further.

I would also suggest that you remind them that you love them. Try not to use �qualifiers� such as �I love you both�but��

It�s a difficult time for all of you. I�m proud of you for asking questions rather than responding emotionally. You clearly have a good head on your shoulders.

I think I speak for many of the other AB�ers when I say we would like to hear how you�re doing from time to time.

I wish you calm during these rough seas

Fr Bill

[babybombo]

Thanks everyone, I feel so much better now that I know what to do.

Curiosity thanks, I am going to talk to my dad, it may take me a while to build up the courage, but I will do it.

Natalie sorry to hear you have been through this too, it was really comforting to hear your story, and I can take strength from it knowing it worked out for you in the end, thanks.

Thanks skyep, eyeshade and legend all really supportive answers , I will talk to my dad and let you all know how everything goes.

Vicar thank you very much, I myself am not too upset by the separation as my dad and I have never got on that well and my parents had separated once before, but thank you for your concern, As I said before it is more a feeling of betrayal, and like Natalie said he probably didnt mean to drag me into this but it is hard for me to see my mum so upset. I have seen posters for Relate up in my school so I will think about contacting them.
thanks again to everyone for your answers and support.
As I said, it may take a while for me to build up the courage to confront my dad, but when I do I will let you all know how it went.

Thanks again everyone

xx