Why are men not programmed to want children like women?

[wisewomen]

It appears that more and more men are claiming their right to have children later on in life or not at all.

This conflicts with womens hormones and can (in my experience) make life extremely hard and stressful. When your body is crying out to bring a child into the world and there is nothing you can do about it!

Anyone wish to share their experiences? Anyone got anything that will make this easier for us women?

[andy-hughes]

I think having a child, or not, is the right of any individual - subject to nature's gifts being awarded or witheld.

The wording of your initial statement is interesting. It infers that you think that men have a 'right' to have a child, but they are being difficult by witholding it unti later life, or choosing not to 'bestow' the gift to a woman at all.

Your second statement indicates that you are with a partner who does not share your wish for a child.

Whereas i feel total sympathy for your position, I don't think you can blame your partner for 'witholding', and thus denying your 'right' to a child.

I believe that children are not a right, they are a gift, and it is not for everyone to be blessed with that gift, for a variety of reasons.

If it is so important to you that you have a child, then you must discuss this in great depth with your partner, and if you feel that your relationship hinges on this aspect, then you must consider finding another partner who sees the concept of chilren and childbirth in the same way that you do.

I wish you happiness and fulfillment. and that you are able to have a child you obviously want, but I think that blaming a partner for 'witholding' a child from you will only bring you bitterness and regret.

The choice to bear a child, or not, is ultimately the choice for a woman to make, but to partner a woman in conception is ultimately the choice for a man to make.

I know this may not be what you want to hear, but I hope you will give my post some thought, and some talkng with your partner.

I wish you well, which ever way your future takes you both.

[wisewomen]

Fully understand your point of view and agree with you totally.

Just wish I could turn my hormones off, thats all!

[redcrx]

WW did you discuss coming off the pill with him? he cant make you stay on it.

[wisewomen]

Yer did discuss it and he backed into a corner saying maybe we should wait a couple of years.

Always seem to get my hopes up only to have them dashed!

[4GS]

Do you or your parner have children by previous relationships?

[wisewomen]

No. He doesnt have any small children in his immediate family at the moment either and therefore has little contact with children or babies which again makes him insecure about them i think.

[redcrx]

right well he said youd be trying next year so 6 months break from the pill whilst he uses condoms is fair Id say.

Dont ask him, tell him you want to stop pumping yourself full of hormones ready for when you do both decide to try.

Some men do want kids, my friends just had her 4th and her hubby is already wanting to try for a 5th, he loves them dearly. My dad always knew he wanted a lot of children.

My fella had been through the heartache of not being able to have kids but he wanted them. haha, he didnt expect to have an accident with me so soon.

Others are 'scared' although thats not really the right word, they have a lot of concerns about it and really who can blame them, its a huge step in anyones life and yet us women have the hormonal backup really to help us through.

[Beanmistriss]

Thats the right attitude redcrx, make things akward in an attempt to make him have kids before he's ready. That'll work everytime and make for a long and happy relationship.....

[legend760]

i love kids

and have 3 .

i wouldnt mind more .
but im gettin past it i reckon .

but you never know eh?

[Ice-Maiden]

I bet your fella's delighted with the accident redcrx.

[redcrx]

Beanmistress have you been following all of wisewomans posts??

Her partner had already agreed to start trying early next year. And why the hell should she be the only one responsible for contraception?

I have NEVER suggested that she deliberately stop taking the pill behind his back to get pregnant without his knowledge and i never would.

[redcrx]

yes he is Ice-Maiden, so much so that theres another on the way :)

[legend760]

ewww
handbags at dawn


wait till i pull up a chair lol.

why should a womanbe responsible for contraception???

mmm

few reasons pop to mind .

burst condom?
drunken passion , forgotten condom ??

honest ill pull it out ijn time , oops sorry ?

oh and the main reason , if she doesnt wanna get pregnant its the best way to ensure it.


anyway ladies


fighttttttttttttttttt

[Ice-Maiden]

So I understand! Congrats! I'd like some more as well, only the other half thinks that two's enough!

[legend760]

cough cough ; - )

[Ice-Maiden]

Lol!

[jno]

traditionally, it was men who did want kids, and tried to have them with any available female, while women were much more doubtful as so many died in childbirth. So it's not really anything to do with 'programming'. It may be more to do with modern society, where people behave like kids till they're in their 40s and everyone wants to be Peter Pan and never grow up. I can't say exactly what your man's reasons are, and it may be that (like many women these days) he just doesn't want children. But you need to find out what his objection is. As Andy says, if he's simply anti-kids, and you're undergoing a lot of stress about it, maybe you need to be with someone who shares your ambitions more closely. Tough call, but only you can decide whether you want him or a child more.

[redcrx]

lol I-M, the way my little angel is being today I beginning to think 1 is enough lol

Legend, theres no reason why the responsibility cant be shared is there?

Most contraceptives for women are invasive, pills have to be remembered, dont protect against STDs (i doubt thats relevent in this case), and take a long time to clear the system, also increase health risks.

A condom is a barrier method, will rarely split if put on correctly and has no effect on the mans body.

and as much as I reckon youd like it there wont be a fight Im sure. :)

[Beanmistriss]

Redcrx I didnt say you had suggested that she should stop taking the pill and not tell him. My point was that, im my opinion, making things a bit akward is hardly likley to make him feel happier about comitting to something as huge as having a child. If he has previously said 6 months then changed his mind then hes obviously a bit unsure about the whole thing, a bit crap for wisewoman agreed. And obviously its not just a womans job to be responsible for contraception but I'm assuming thats how they agreed to prevent pregnancy as a couple and, again in my opinion, for her to go "well im not taking it now, use a condom" will make it seem to him like she is trying to pressurise him. Unlikely to achive the desired outcome.

[4getmenot]

Wisewoman its up to you what you put in your body and its up to him to use protection if he doesn�t want children.