Dilema!!

[stevie1time]

A friend of mines engagement party is tonight,we have been mates for over 16 years...Trouble is,he left his girlfriend of 7 years,two children and 7 months pregnant for the gir he is is going to marry!! Yes he is my mate,but i dont agree with what he has done,he left his partner for a friend of hers,his ex is in pieces,struggling to cope with the kids,and since he left her she has had the baby and is stuck at home with 3 kids under 6, 2 of them under 1 and a half,slowly she is losing the plot..Dont get me wrong,in a way by letting him get away with all the cheating he has done in the past,i feel she has made her own bed..But ive been invited and asked if i am coming,but i have made my excuses and said i must work,,but now he has found out that i am not at work,just called me,and asked to come down...!!

[cazzz1975]

crikey! what a dilemma!!, she is obviously leaning on you as some support, is their anyone else that can spend some time with her? she may become used to your visits which could be even more difficult.

If you want to go to the party go, you are not her partner and you have been there for her so dont feel bad, tell her your sorry but you are busy catching up on stuff. It might be worth seeing if any of her family would help (by looking after the kids sometimes and spending time with her)

[stevie1time]

I dont see her at all,it was my sons birthday party a couple of weeks ago,i invited her and kids over,the place is just over the road from..i am separated myself so,although its my lads birthday,my ex,her new husband and all their friends are there..so my friends partner has been to other parties my kids have had,so its a break for her and a friendly face for me... I am an old school fella,i do not or shouldnt have any of my friends Partners,wives or girlfriends number in my phone..She didnt come to the party,and my son asked where my friends kids were!!! I asked my mate and he said she didnt feel well!!! I do worry for heer and the kids,i know from her friends that she is slowly losing it!! Her older lad is a nightmare,but my friend does nothing to help her!! thinks that seeing them for an hour a week is enough,,what a prick,but thats her's and his issue,,i just dont feel i should go!!! P.S Just had a missed call off him??

[lindapinda]

Hi Stevie,I know the whole issue is probably decided now anyway,but,although he's your friend,you understandably feel very uncomfortable with his behaviour. Don't feel pressurised to "celebrate" his new life. Maybe it would be better to have a bit of a heart to heart with him?

[starmack]

You sound decent enough not to want to be there.

Stick with it...and let the heart-to-heart takes it course after that.

[mimififi30]

Sorry to be a bit off topic, but I feel a bit sorry for the 'new wife'. I'm sure her fate will be the same as his first partner's eventuall.y.

If it were me, I would say that I want to remain his friend, but I just feel that his behaviour is not really very ethical at the moment, and am wrestling with partying when knowing his previous gf is so alone... You just gotta do what you gotta do. If he cuts you off for it, you have to wander if he really is a friend.

[stevie1time]

Thanks for all your answers,i didnt go to the party and we cleared the air as mates...To mimififi,your right he left his first wife with a child to be with the one he has just left...so she was having an affair with him,so like you say,he done the same to her...dosent make it right,but she should have known...In answer to In a Pickle...i just think the dilemma is not the fact of a party,just to the fact of my own morals,should i play along like all the rest and accept that my mate ruins not only his ex's life but is a **** dad and that he has abandoned his kids,left his ex a broken woman,struggling to cope..i dont want to take sides..but im sure any sane person would aggree that he's a prick??