ChatterBank1 min ago
I Give Up
29 Answers
There are not enough words to describe my life and today...To cut it short,many will probably judge me,but hey,if i was lying then why would i be arsed to lie to people i dont even know.....Ive kids by two different moms,but i am a the best dad i can be,i can only but try..and all my spare time is with them,as it should be...Right,Lauren,Libby and Theo are my kids by Emma,Emma is bitter,i dont blame her,but its the kids that matter..Kids had been here since Friday,i phoned Emma this morning to say id drop kids off round 3ish,and that we was going out and when we get back that we was going to have a nice lamb dinner..She asked if she could come???? I said no,my time is with my kids and that i want our contact to be about kids only,as it has been for the last 4 years.......Next scene..i hear my back gate get banged open and she is about to barge trough my back door,i try to stop her by leaning against the door and keeping her out,i know if she gets in then it will be mayhem..Anyway kids get upset and i let her in, through the door scuffle she has a small scratch on her chest...She throws things at me,argues,upsets the kids...I just want her to go..I pop to the loo,when i get back she has called the police,i have 7 policemen turn up at my house,ask me to stand outside my own house while they question her,i have just got home after 7 hours in a police cell locked up like a dog,the police say,they arent going to continue with the case and i can go home..I am supposed to accept that...Ive done nothing wrong..If i went downt to her house,jumped her fence and barged into her kitchen, phoned the police and said that she had assaulted me...you reckon she would be typing this now??...I hate this country and its laws sometimes,alli want to do is better my own life for me and my kids and something like this knocks me back threefold....
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Hi stevie,
I can see your point. Yet I also think that the situation you have described should not have been witnessed by your children.
From what you have posted, I would assume that your ex was offering an 'olive branch' and reacted badly when it was refused. Would it really have killed you to have enjoyed a meal with your children's mother - the children would have enjoyed the fact that both their parents were spending time with them.
I appreciate the fact you have separate lives and you wish to only keep contact between yourselves because you have children together. Yet, please remember these incidences have an impact on their lives... and also the way they go on to form relationships of their own.
I'm not taking sides here, and am sorry that you have had such an awful day over something that could have been avoided. But, please try to give your children some positive guidance over the way they see their parents relationship.
Your children's wellfare really must take priority here, and your (and her actions) could damage their well-being.
Missy
I can see your point. Yet I also think that the situation you have described should not have been witnessed by your children.
From what you have posted, I would assume that your ex was offering an 'olive branch' and reacted badly when it was refused. Would it really have killed you to have enjoyed a meal with your children's mother - the children would have enjoyed the fact that both their parents were spending time with them.
I appreciate the fact you have separate lives and you wish to only keep contact between yourselves because you have children together. Yet, please remember these incidences have an impact on their lives... and also the way they go on to form relationships of their own.
I'm not taking sides here, and am sorry that you have had such an awful day over something that could have been avoided. But, please try to give your children some positive guidance over the way they see their parents relationship.
Your children's wellfare really must take priority here, and your (and her actions) could damage their well-being.
Missy
I wish it was an olive branch....not enough words to describe her...She has attacked my mother,she has smashed my dads car,she has damaged my car and house...she has got my kids to leave me messages on my phone calling me horrible names.she is bitter,This will be the fourth time i have been arrested for assaulting her and the fourth time it has come to nothing,she had her brother arressted last year for the same..She is on anti depressants and seeing a professional about her behaviour....I just want to live my life,be a kid to my dads and try my best...I cannot take the blame any longer for they way she is being,i am at the end of my tether....Now i have been told to stay away from her and my kids for four weeks..??
Horrible Post ,jail cells are bad, police cells are worse....got a nice leg of lamb in the oven if anyones hungry??? Lovely roast taytas and sausage stuffing....7 hours locked up on a Sunday,when the first on my mind this morning was what myself and the kids was gonna do nive today!!!! Amazing how things can turn!!!!!!!
I have tried everything Meg, i am i high earner so are not entitled to any legal aid,i have gone through the courts to every extent...trouble is,she agrees everything when the judge is there,then when i go to fetch my kids,she says 'no' ive change my mind..and then to rub it in....what are the courts really gonna do to make her see sense,lock her up? force her to let me see the kids...i cant win.
The Police have said that it is best that any access arangements should be put on hold until they speak to her fully...Even though its not being taken any further and they may have a case against her for perverting the course of justice...i still cant see my kids for weeks,in case SHE decides to come up here and cause trouble again..An injuction can only be granted if i have had get the police involved on her several times..which i haven because of the upset it causes my kids
I really sympathise with your situation Stevie. It does appear to be one rule for women and one for men, and it isn't fair. You're right, we can't offer any advice and i guess you're going to have to put up with it until your kids get older.
Dads like you are (unfortunately) a bit of a rareity in my experience so good on you for being such a devoted dad.
x
Dads like you are (unfortunately) a bit of a rareity in my experience so good on you for being such a devoted dad.
x
Stevie -this is crap and no man or woman should get away with this behaviour.Sorry to say that if it had been a woman in your position then she would have got a Doctor and a Family Liaison Officer out from the Police.
I personally on what you have said -and you must bear in mind for as much as I have no reason to doubt you -there are always 2 sides to every story -go to your solicitor and get an injuction ansd sorry to say Social Services involved.
That is a last resort but looks like you have reached that stage and the childrens welfare is now paramount and you need some serious back-up and she needs a serious wake-up call.
Good Luck Stevie -please post anythime -i usually get round to your threads eventually and I will try to help in a ny way I can.
It'll be easier in the Morning as the great Hothouse Flowers sang x
I personally on what you have said -and you must bear in mind for as much as I have no reason to doubt you -there are always 2 sides to every story -go to your solicitor and get an injuction ansd sorry to say Social Services involved.
That is a last resort but looks like you have reached that stage and the childrens welfare is now paramount and you need some serious back-up and she needs a serious wake-up call.
Good Luck Stevie -please post anythime -i usually get round to your threads eventually and I will try to help in a ny way I can.
It'll be easier in the Morning as the great Hothouse Flowers sang x
Hi Stevie......You cant be hard on yourself for having kids by two different women.Situations just happen.
It sounds like when you have your kids next you've gotta take them elsewhere apart from your home.Be strict with yourself re the times when you collect and drop off the children.restrict the interference that Emma is having when you've got the children.Its really hard because you just wanna be friends and for everything to go really smoothly and yet there are men/women who just wanna be controlling over others lives.
It was hard for me in the beginning.I have spent many an hr in police cells,and questioning.I was the one being stalked,abused,harassed and yet i was the one in trouble.I have spent thousands trying to see my son and 7yrs on i still only see him when she can be bothered to let him come over.
From the advice of my solicitor...You've gotta sort something out cos she will get you convicted of something.Unfortunately the laws are in the womens favour.
It sounds like when you have your kids next you've gotta take them elsewhere apart from your home.Be strict with yourself re the times when you collect and drop off the children.restrict the interference that Emma is having when you've got the children.Its really hard because you just wanna be friends and for everything to go really smoothly and yet there are men/women who just wanna be controlling over others lives.
It was hard for me in the beginning.I have spent many an hr in police cells,and questioning.I was the one being stalked,abused,harassed and yet i was the one in trouble.I have spent thousands trying to see my son and 7yrs on i still only see him when she can be bothered to let him come over.
From the advice of my solicitor...You've gotta sort something out cos she will get you convicted of something.Unfortunately the laws are in the womens favour.
Thanks Dris,i think line has got to same point as i have,as to where it doesnt hurt anymore,you become imune to the abuse..I put up with alot because ive let myself believe that i deserve it..I, as probably yourself and line was brought up in a not the best but stable environment,i had my ma and pa there for me,good and bad, i feel guilt because i havent been able to give this simple thing in life to my own kids..I dont want to get her into trouble,i know my kids belong with their mother,i wouldnt want any different...They have both moved on,met new partners,one has even remarried,yet they dont allow me to meet anyone,their words have been,meet someone,but they are not allowed around our kids..with my life and job,how is that posible?? But i do it,because im lost without my kids...Yes there are laws and there are courts...but as i have tried before,i dont want bitternes,i dont to have to force them to let me see my kids..And for them to instill bad feelings and a hatred towards me into my own children...Its a tough situation,and ive learned to accept,im not sad,im not bitter,just dissapointed..because the only people who are really suffering are my kids...but that whats their moms dont understand because they are there with them all the time...they dont see how much it really hurts..but Alas,such is life....i do believe ive brought this on myself,they allways used to say what comes around goes around..Im not asking for peoples pity,im okay,just dont like the one rule for one and one for the other x
I am not one to tell you what to do stevie but if you continue to be arrested,one day her accusations will stick.
Standing infront of the magistrate listening to empty accusations that can not be backed up is not to be taken lightly.You'll probably have to declare your new criminal status at some point,and the overall perception of men who commit crimes against women is low.
The law is an ASS....How do these women sleep at night?
Standing infront of the magistrate listening to empty accusations that can not be backed up is not to be taken lightly.You'll probably have to declare your new criminal status at some point,and the overall perception of men who commit crimes against women is low.
The law is an ASS....How do these women sleep at night?
Really, you need to keep a log or diary of all these goings on for your own protection. You need to record all your phone conversations as well, just in case. You need to do whatever you can, even if you think it's not much or a waste of time.
One other thing you must do Steve, is tell your children that it is not their fault because children think all the problems between parents are their fault...I don't know why, they just do! Even if you think that they must know it's not their fault, unless you actually spell it out to them and tell them this, they will think it so.
She sounds like a self centred, selfish ****ed up individual and dangerous at that.
Print out your post and all the replies, making sure you have the date somewhere. You could always give her a copy - might make her think, if only for one millisecond, about the effect it is having on everyone, if she sees it in black and white.
One other thing you must do Steve, is tell your children that it is not their fault because children think all the problems between parents are their fault...I don't know why, they just do! Even if you think that they must know it's not their fault, unless you actually spell it out to them and tell them this, they will think it so.
She sounds like a self centred, selfish ****ed up individual and dangerous at that.
Print out your post and all the replies, making sure you have the date somewhere. You could always give her a copy - might make her think, if only for one millisecond, about the effect it is having on everyone, if she sees it in black and white.
As a high earner Stevie you could maybe afford a secret body camera (with date stamp on it) and home camera for the occasions that you are liable to come into contact with this lady. Video with time and date are legitimate evidence and the police would be hard pressed to believe her in the future. I know of one case where Magistrates were presented with similar type video and the so called victim was made to look a liar and cheat.
Dont give up on your children
Dont give up on your children
Hi - i havent read all the replies on this post so i apologise if i am repeating anything.....
Have you thought of taking the opposite tactic and if this ex of yours is on anti-depressants, try to be more understanding? I know it is likely this is NOT what you feel like doing at the moment and thats understandable whilst you feel defensive at her actions, but if, in anyway, you can 'take away her argument' it would be a good few steps on the way to resolving issues, and will make things easier, not only for your kids but for you too. We often dont see our own contribution to problems, but women admire blokes who can step back and say 'mmm, maybe i couldve said that a bit better or nicer' or 'perhaps i was a bit defensive...' She obviously has problems and maybe this situation just adds to it.....? Im not discounting your side of it its just sometimes helpful to stand in someone elses shoes for a while...... (or maybe i watch too much jeremy kyle??!!!!!) good luck mate x
Have you thought of taking the opposite tactic and if this ex of yours is on anti-depressants, try to be more understanding? I know it is likely this is NOT what you feel like doing at the moment and thats understandable whilst you feel defensive at her actions, but if, in anyway, you can 'take away her argument' it would be a good few steps on the way to resolving issues, and will make things easier, not only for your kids but for you too. We often dont see our own contribution to problems, but women admire blokes who can step back and say 'mmm, maybe i couldve said that a bit better or nicer' or 'perhaps i was a bit defensive...' She obviously has problems and maybe this situation just adds to it.....? Im not discounting your side of it its just sometimes helpful to stand in someone elses shoes for a while...... (or maybe i watch too much jeremy kyle??!!!!!) good luck mate x
Stevie no court or solicitor in this land would stop you seeing your kids without good reason- my sons dad took me to court because i wouldn't let him see the kids ( he turned up when he felt like it, never paid anything towards them etc...) and it went to socials ervices too as i was concerned about the state of his house. He won- although at first he had supervised access for a few weeks. we all get on great now although i am still careful about what i say around him.
Your ex seems very petty, childish, and more annoyed that you moved on and she hasn't. i think you were right to refuse dinner- your time with your kids is precious without anyone intruding. She sees her kids all the time.
Do you have a voice recorder on your mobile? I would recommend turning it on everytime you have contact. And keep a diary of events.
Don't let her walk all over you by keep getting arrested- and as someone else said if necessary get someone else to drop the kids off to you and drop them home- or meet somewhere public for handovers.
Good luck mate x
Your ex seems very petty, childish, and more annoyed that you moved on and she hasn't. i think you were right to refuse dinner- your time with your kids is precious without anyone intruding. She sees her kids all the time.
Do you have a voice recorder on your mobile? I would recommend turning it on everytime you have contact. And keep a diary of events.
Don't let her walk all over you by keep getting arrested- and as someone else said if necessary get someone else to drop the kids off to you and drop them home- or meet somewhere public for handovers.
Good luck mate x
