Poem at Mum's Funeral

[polarbear100]

My Mum died aged 58 by taking her own life. She had been ill for some time (in a lot of pain) and had been suffering with depression due to financial worries. Her closing letter said she loved us very much but she could no longer suffer the pain or having no money. I could have helped more with money more. I rang my Mum every day and the day she died I didn't call her. I feel so hurt, lost and bad about "what I could have done". I don't want to tell people how my Mum died but feel guilty not saying the truth. My Brother says "what does it matter Mum is now dead". I know I need to also talk about circumstances. Guidance please?

[DSJ]

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there
I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circles flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die

[Jillius]

Don�t grieve for me, for now I�m free
I�m following the path God has laid you see.
I took His hand when I heard him call
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day
To laugh, to love, to work, to play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way
I found that peace at the close of day.

If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss
Oh yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life�s been full, I savored much
Good friends, good times, a loved one�s touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief
Don�t lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and peace to thee
God wanted me now; He set me free.

[Drisgirl]

O I am so very sorry-what a tragedy-my heart goes out to you.Please dont whip yourself for this -if your mums mind was made up and she had gone to the extent of ewritng a letter then she did what she wanted to do.
Hope you get comfort from the above poems -sometimes they make more sense than speaking with someone
Take care xx.

[Ice.Maiden]

Polarbear - I can only echo what Drisgirl's said, and hope that the poems from others may be of some comfort to you. I was truly sorry to hear of your loss, If you ever want to chat to us ABers, you'll find some lovely people who'd be willing to share a few words with you. Take care - xx.

[Whoever]

I am so sorry for you loss. Suicide is always so difficult to come to terms with because those who are left behind usually suffer such painful guilt, even if they have done everything they could to help the person concerned. You said you phoned your Mum every day so she was aware of your love and support. But it is a sad fact that those suffering with depression are often unable to recognise the love they receive because their depression is so overwhelming that it often blots this out. so please do not blame yourself. Try and understand that in her mind and her depressed state , taking her own life was the only way out of her problems which appeared to offer an end to the misery she felt she was suffering. Possibly nothing you could have done would have necessarily changed the outcome in the circumstances you described. Do you know the priest who conducted your mother's funeral. Would you be able to find some consolation talking to him/her? I wonder if it would help you to read a book about depression? It might help give you more of an insight into your mother's state of mind and what moved her to take this route. What those who are left behind often feel is that deceased person was saying to them "You didn't care enough to stop me doing this" and this must feel unbearably hurtful but in reality, the message is "However much you love me, I cannot go on any more". Perhaps if you are gradually able to see her death in this light , it may help you to pick up the pieces and remember the happier times.

[polarbear100]

Thank you for all your recommended poems.

Whoever - Thank you for your advice. I will be meeting with my vicar over the next few days and will attempt to explain the way I am feeling. Some of your points have helped me see my Mum's action from a different perspective. I miss her soo much and it's not even been a week.

[123everton]

Try "Musing" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow or pick one of several from his "Voices Of The Night" (a personal favourite) collection.
Pablo Neruda also did a poem on death I think it came under his collection callled "The Furys."
I'm truly sorry to hear about your mum, it's genuinely tragic.
The first year will be the hardest, I hope you're OK and my thoughts are with you.

[Whoever]

Polarbear - do be very gentle with yourself over the coming weeks. Don't expect too much of yourself in terms of being able to cope 100% of the time. Your emotions will ebb and fall and you may find it helpful to talk on a regular basis with somebody who is experienced in bereavement counselling. Perhaps your GP or local library could help you find your nearest branch of Cruise, who have volunteers who are used to helping support the bereaved. They will understand how you are feeling and perhaps being able to talk to somebody "neutral" will be helpful if helping in being able to say those things that you can't say to your immediate family. I send you a big hug.

[daisycutter]

Try "The Dash" by Linda Ellis ... beautiful

[TIGGERLIT]

so sorry to hear your lost. plz dont ever feel ashamed or guilty for what your mum did. im in my early 30s and i suffer from alot of illnesses including depression, and you cant help but think like that. i have tried many times, and not alot of people understand why people do it. there is not enough support for people with the illness and the most common cause is money. just remember to always be proud of your mum and think of the good times. if you ever want to talk, ask me for my email and will send it to you. as it might help you to understand why she did what she did
take care becki

[polarbear100]

Thank you all the advice and guidance. It is helping me come to terms with loss.

My Brother has been admitted into hospital - had a breakdown due to events - refuses to communicate; have visitors, eat or drink. He has never been very strong but feel frustrated with his actions during a time when I want to focus on Mum. I am awaiting inquest to enable me to plan a good funeral and "send off" for her.

Taking each day at a time.
Sorry to burden you with my problems. x

[Drisgirl]

Dont ever think you are a burden its much easier to pour out your feelings on here as you dont have to hide anyhting from us.

This is a terrible time for you and your brother.Everyone reacts in different ways -you may find that you are now having to be the strong one and feel you have all the burden to bear and maybe part of you resents your brother for that.Please dont -try to keep all your energy for what you are going to have to endure -you dont have time ATM for negative emotions.
That will come later and we will be here every step of the way through all your different grieving processes.
You are right to take one day at a time but let the hospital deal with your brother and you deal with yourself -you must deal with one thing at a time.
From what you say there doesnt appear to be anyone sharing the burden with you -am i right in thinking that?
Please take care of yourself -try to get a sleep every night or you will end up grinding yourseldf down and please keep us posted on here day or night -there is always someone on.If we can be any help just to even sound off at please do -it does help loads to speak to 'strangers' believe it or not.
Take Care Hun -i'l be thinking of you xxx

[raysparx1]

So sad polar, we only have one mum, but please talk to somebody, never hide what you feel, I am not educated so have no wise words to comfort you, but if yiou fell something inside don't let it stay there it will make you ill, cry,shout,swear, and talk, god bless.Ray xx




My famous last words
Are laying around in tatters
Sounding absurd
Whatever I try
But I love you
And that�s all that really matters
If this is good bye
If this is good bye

Your bright shining sun
Would light up the way before me
You were the one
Made me feel I could fly
And I love you
Whatever is waiting for me
If this is good bye
If this is good bye

Who knows how long we�ve got
Or what were made out of
Who knows if there�s a plan or not
There is our love
I know there is our love

My famous last words
Could never tell the story
Spinning unheard
In the dark of the sky
But I love you
And this is our glory
If this is good bye
If this is good bye

[polarbear100]

Thank you. In the cold, dark lonely nights I will remember I am not alone and kind people do exist.

[messyjessy12]

God only wants the young ones,58 so young. my mums only a few years younger,i would be devastated if something happened to my mum OR dad. More to the point your too young to lose your mum,hard to cope whatever age. have you got your own family? if so when the times right have a memorial at home,play her fav songs eat her fav food and talk all good and bad of your mum,it works,i did it with my late uncle. i felt like he would of enjoyed it,your mum will too. take care it will gat easier xx

[MONTCRIEFF49]

sorry about your loss

facing life with out you
is very hard to bear
for losing you the way we did
will always seem unfair
you left behind broken hearts
but happy memories too
but we never wanted memories
we only wanted you


take care and hope your brother gets better soon
lv monty

[Whoever]

Am sorry that at this really difficult time you now also have to worry about your brother. You don't say what age you are and whether you have grandparents or other close relatives who might be able to support you as it sounds as if planning your mother's funeral is solely in your hands. Take an hour at a time if this is all you can manage and if you feel you want to take time out for a good cry occasionally, don't feel guilty about it ; the emotional release may help keep you on an even keel.