Is being a parent really enjoyable?

[Velvetee]

Is being a parent really an enjoyable experience? I'm 39 and have never really had any maternal feelings and usually dislike other people's children. I generally find them cheeky, rude and irritating.

Now that I'm in a serious relationship, my partner is talking of having children, well I don't really know what to make of it. How do I know if I will love a child if I have one or be able to cope with one? I'm quite a selfish person and pretty much do as I please, go where I want and buy what I want. How would I adjust to making sacrifices?

Has anyone else felt like I do and has then gone on to have children? How do you feel towards your child/ children?

[MORELLO]

Briefly - I used to think like you, then my son 'came along' and everything changes. Words can't describe the love I have for him, and though I still indulge in the odd selfish moment for myself I wouldn't be without him for anything...

[bigmamma]

I am thoroughly enjoying it .My son is the light of my life and I love him unconditionally , even now that he is 23 he is still my dear son and I am very proud of him Velvetee :-) x

[andy-hughes]

Parenting is a wonderful fulfilling experience - but it's not for everyone.

You must think very carefully before you comit to children - far too many people have them because of social pressure, which is a seriously bad reason!

If you want to have a child - and that's the first issue you must resolve - then you will love him or her unconditioanlly, because that is a built-in reaction in most intelligent thinking individuals.

What you must avoid is having a child to please anyone, including your parnter. If you heart is not in it, eighteen eyears plus is a long time to resent an innocent person!

Do think it over, make your decision, and don;t be swayed from it. sadly we are geared to being 'child friendly', even though as a culture, we The British, do not like children as mcuh as our European counterparts.

Be sure, and be firm. It's your life.

[raysparx1]

Big decision to make as andy says needs a lot of thinking about, from my point of view it is the most wonderful yet most worrying thing you can ever do in your life,

This little bundle comes into your life and it is with you hopefully till you die, no matter how old they are you worry for them, you cry for them you feel the pain they feel, you want to protect them from the world, but it doesn't work like that. if only we could do all thses things.

as for the love i still find it hard to take in that as soon as baby is born you feel this amzing love and warmth surround you, no other love like the love we feel for our children. you may think you are selfish but once baby is born you would die for that baby, I will stop now cos I can waffle on all day, the last thing I will say is, if you do have a baby.

apart from love give baby as much time as you can, time is priceless, you don't need to spend a fortune just give time, be happy, go on picnics, walks, play football, go swimming whatever it is, and talk to them , encourage them to do their best, but never pressure them to, I am so glad I did this, take care, Ray

[anderlee]

Hi, Im 36 and have a 2 1/2 year old son. Before he cam along i thought i wanted 2 children, but now.... Im happy with one and have no urge to have another just so he can have a sibling. Its hard work but also lovely. He really is gorgeous but I like my freedom and have realised this. So i really dont think I will get broody when he starts school or anytime soon. I still work which I enjoy, I cannot imagine being home mon-fri, it would drive me mad. He is well looked after and we spend lots of time together. I also get time to myself and im going away with friends next week. My partner is nearly 40 and he feels the same. Its how you manage parenthood and you will know whether you want a child and then more after that.

[andrea81]

Agree with above, but to add that my sister in-law was very much like you and was convinced to have a baby by her husband. They have a little boy now and she loves him to bits. she wouldn't be without him!

It can change you, but think it's something you have to think about.

I personally love my little boy, he is as you say: cheeky, rude and irritating... but silly to say, I love him for it! He is also loving, soppy, funny, enthusiastic... I could go on....


Good luck with your decision!

[yogasun]

I agree with all the above comments.
Just to say that I can relate to how you feel- I thought that I didn't really like children and had no maternal instinct at all.
This could have been as a result of seeming not to be able to conceive.
All I know is that when I had my first and then second son I felt an all consuming love and maternal instinct that is indescribable. You just feel that you would die for your children (as Ray said earlier).

In fact I think I ended up being more maternal than some of my friends. I still feel like that even tho' my sons are 24 and 22 !
I am not saying you would necessarily feel like that but just relating my own experiences.
As regards making sacrifices the love is so all consuming you feel like saying ... 'What sacrifices' ?

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[aims1202]

raysparx, you made me cry by what you said, its so true.
velvetee, I have a five year old son and i am pregnant with my second. I was different, i had very strong maternal feelings from a very young age, being a mum was the only thing i knew i wanted to do and i had my son at 23 and i have loved every minute. I think what others have said is true, that there are people who have children because they are expected to or their partner wants them, but that doesnt mean that when they have them they will not be amazing parents, you change so much when you have a child. i have a friend who was like you, she never wanted children, she had an abusive mother herself. She was married for years and did not have any. they divorced and a few years later she met her current husband, they had a little surprise 3 years ago and another 1 year ago! She did struggle with her first in the early months, she had pnd, but she is an amazing mum and loves her children to bits, now she is even considering having another one!
I would say dont worry about it too much, if you really dont want any then i wouldnt worry what others think, its your life, as for your partner that is something you need to talk about. If you did decided to have children, when they came along you'd realise all that worry was for nothing, you will want to give up those things you love now for your little miracle.

[Velvetee]

Thanks everyone for your comments. It is something I will carefully consider, although at 39 time isn't really on my side. But it's reassuring to know, I'm not the only woman out there who doesn't naturally gush over babies and children.

[billbobaggin]

I am convinced that there is a myth of motherhood. It is hard work, frequently boring and takes away your freedom. I love being with my son and am pleased that I have him but I had no idea how much hard work it would be and how much I would loose. I always tell freinds newly pregnant about this so that when they have thier own little smasher they dont feel they're going mad. Be prepared and honstly dont be disappointed if you dont have one, borrow someone elses you can give them back :-)

[Drisgirl]

I never had any maternal instincts at all ever -I couldnt even hold a baby.
Then me and my ex sat down one night after being married for 6yrs and thought -wonder what it would be like -so I was like -well I dont want to not ever have the experience-so i feel straight away.

Man-it was mind blowing -I never thought I could ever have those feelings ever -its unique.

I went on to have J (thats another story -( think I gave birth to my alter ego !!)

I am now of the most paranoid Mums that anyone would hate to have -my life is consumed with R and J -they are my life -I wouldnt have changed it for the world !!!

Give it a go -honestlky -you will never feel so much for anyone ever again -its life changing -not always good but especially now I am so glad I have my 2 -they are treasures.

[Drisgirl]

Sorry -typoing like mad cos I have cheap specs on whilst mine are being fixed.Feel as tho I am on a bloody ski-slope -hope this isnt full of typos-checked and no -hope you get the gist of what I was saying -lol

[Jampanda]

Get a puppy!!

[darcydark]

They bring a lot of joy into your life, they make you laugh , cry worry. They keep you young, they make you feel old, you wouldn`t be without them when you have them. They make you less selfish with your time, your money. Somtimes they disappoint you, but they will always be your chidren and that love is very special and very unconditional.

[warpig3]

Velvetee, I was exactly like you, I lived my life as I pleased, suited myself, bought what I wanted, never a thought for anyone else, never answerable to anyone except myself. I travelled the world, had a bl00dy great time (some bad times too but that is life) and never, never, never wanted children as I didnt gush at my friends or family's kids.

I (re)entered a relationship and at 39 became pregnant and gave birth to my daughter at the age of 40. She is the most beautiful and precious thing to me in the world, and woe betide anyone who would cause her harm. Dont worry about loving a child as I am sure it is almost impossible not to and as for coping, you just do. I cannot imagine a life without her and she is only 7 weeks. However, it is not something you should enter into lightly and you will have to make sacrifices but you will do (most of) them willingly.

[RevFunk]

Personally I can't think of anything worse.

I mean a mini version of me? No thank you.

I want to do what I want and when I want. Spend my money on whatever I want.

Ohhh look he's dribbling, walking, talking, etc etc

Whoopee do

lol