I'm 23 and my mum's dying from lung cancer

[mel_vaz]

Does anyone know if you can get through this? It's so hard, i'm 23 and my mum's not got very long left at all - she has lung cancer (never smoked) had it for about 4 and a half years now so been strong! However, she's having to have her lungs drained now and has an oxygen tank at home now - always has to have xygen.
I don't know when it's going to hapen, and I certainly don't know how I'm going to cope ....

[Eastender]

Hi sorry to hear your bad news. Its a very cruel disease. My dad passed away with lung cancer 2years ago and the last couple of weeks were dreadful, watching him get weaker and weaker, but I tried to stay strong for my mum. When the time was right and the family were around he passed away. All I can say is just be around her and try and make the most of your time together. I do feel for you, please try and be strong. god bless x

[tigwig]

really sorry to hear this. My mum in law died from lung cancer last year, she was diagnosed in March and died 4 months later. I suppose you have to believe you go to a better place which I do believe, time does make it easier too I would imagine but our grief is still very raw. I would have thought your mum may eventually have to go into a hospice where the staff are fantastic and very experienced. They will be able to tell well the end is near so you can prepare yourself. there is not much else I can say because nothing is going to make you feel better, just love and cuddle her while she is still here and think of the happy times

[Annlinda]

This is an awful situation for you and I am so sorry for you. As your mother is at home have you contacted the Marie Curie nurses. We found them invaluable when we nursed my mother through cancer, unlike the McMillan nurses who only offer support to you the Marie Curie nurses give practical help and actually nurse the patient. Take each day as it comes , you will cope let your Mum know how much she means to you. Thinking of you...

[bensmum]

I can't add much to what the others have said. My dad died of lung cancer when I was 22 and it was very diifcult at the time. That was years ago now and I still miss him but the raw grief does graduallly go. Just be there for your mum for the time she has left and let her know how much she is loved. Nothing can make you feel better about it but at least you will know that you did all you could for her while you had her there. Take care
XX

[mel_vaz]

Thank u so much for all ur lovely comments and great advice. I haven't contacted the Marie Curie burses, we've all met the hospice nurse though. They've offered all kinds of support like counselling groups.
I know I have to be strong and continue to love and support her, I'm just deading that day :'(

[andrea81]

Firstly sorry to hear this, it's a very hard time for you and will not be easy, but you already know that!

My advice, having had my mother and sister going through cancer, is to make peace with what is happening and this means accepting whats going to happen. You will feel like hitting out and getting angry, which is normal, but as soon as you realise you cannot change this, you will become stronger!

Make everything in your life easy to manage, as not to add any more stress! You may feel like you are too emotional to cope, but you already ARE coping (might not feel that way) but you are!

Use your family and friends for support and remember that you are not superhuman, you can cry, get stressed and get angry!

Most important, if you feel you need more support and feel at a loss, there are support groups out there! I did a lot of googling my mothers cancer and got to speak to lovely people on the other end of the phone!

I send you my love, take care chick x x x x x

[bigmamma]

Hello hun , not much I can add to the wonderful answers above . Just that I can empathise too and , although you need to stay strong for your mum , you do need to let your own feelings free and find someone who will be your support. My heart goes out to you love , this is a very difficult time for you . xxx

[cruella]

Hi mel,
I can only say what everyone else has said.
It is very difficult for you and your family at a time like this, but I promise, you will get through it.
Do you have the MacMillan Nurses visiting, or any support at all.
Try to be upbeat as much as possible, so your sake as much as you Mum's.
Think a lot of us on here have a relative with Cancer and all you can do is get through it one day at a time. xxx

[leelapops]

Oh mel, my thoughts are with you. I can't really add to what has been said already, but I wanted you to know that we are all here for support-there are some lovely people here who are very empathetic and kind.

You are being extremely strong: just don't feel like you can't let your inside emotions show on the outside, it is really important that you have an outlet for your anxiety and grief.

When the day comes, you will know you have done everything you can for your mum, and she will no longer be suffering. Take comfort in that, at least.

Take care of your mum and yourself.
xx

[Whoever]

I'm so sorry. Nothing can ever really prepare you for watching a loved one die from cancer and nobody ever warns you how distressing the last few days can be. Try to get as much medical support for your mother as possible from Marie Curie. Her GP should be able to help with this. Also try to ensure you have support for yourself as well and somebody who can be there for in the first hours and days immediately afterwards. There is so much to do and yet your brain barely seems able to function so just take a day at a time and say to your Mum all the things you want to say now before it is too late. This will give her emotional comfort too, knowing that her role as your mother has not been in vain. Somehow when the inevitable happens, you WILL find the strength to cope. One of life's mysteries is that when we are hard pressed, some force usually gives us that little extra bit of courage to face what we have to.

[May1982]

Sorry to hear about your mom.
I dont know much about lung cancer, but I searched online and found these videos about lung cancer. Maybe you'll find something here to help you cope:
http://www.sutree.com/Learn.aspx?q=lung+cancer

[Kleiber]

Oh, Mel, you poor wee thing. It's awful to lose your Mum at any age, but when you're only 23 and to know that she's got this horrible disease, it must be really tough. I lost my darling husband nearly 3 years ago from cancer (he was only 47) and our son was only 16 at the time. It must be really scary for you, wondering what the future is going to be like, but you must go on, for your Mum's sake and yours. As the others have said (and I know that some of them are going through similar), get all the support you can and live each day for what it is. Have you contacted Cancer Bacup? They've got a web site and they are quite helpful, too. You will cope, love - I know it sounds impossible right now, but have faith. Lots of love, K xxx

[cazxx1]

mel....my heart goes out to you. we found out my mom had lung cancer christmas eve she died july 14 and i miss her now more than ever you never get over it you learn to live with it. she was my mom and my best friend. you will see it through till the end and enjoy the time you have left xxxxxxx