having to go into care

[brenda]

I would appreciate any help on this one. My husband who is 87 has Alzheimers and for nearly 6 years nowI have been his only carer.I am beginning to feel that I cannot go on much longer and my own health is suffering..He is a strong man physically and does not see that he has a problem, but everyday is so hard to get through. I will need to put him into residential care quite soon, but I do not know how to make this transition. He goes to a day centre and has a consultant, but it is actually carrying out the move which frightens me and I would sincerly welcome any advice and guidance of how I might proceed. Thank you Anna

[lawsanass]

brenda....where abouts are you in the country, are you anywhere near Hampshire?

[lawsanass]

i would really like to help you, and i can if i know where you are, if i could i would give you my phone no, but it would be the worst thing to do on here, please let me no where you are and i may be able to help, ok take care x

[taichiperson]

We had a similar problem with my father-in-law. We had two primary school age boys and could not cope with him as well. We reached breaking point and had to call in a Social Worker to send him to emergency care, and it was all done very suddenly. Please don't leave it too late - if you are not sure who to contact first, try Age Concern or Help the Aged. They will be able to advise you of what facilities and procedures are avaialble to you. I'm sure if he was aware of what was going on, your husband would not want you to suffer. In the short term, you may also be able to get some respite care, to give you some time to yourself.

[brenda]

To lawsanass--
Thank you for your reply I live on Teeside in the N.E of England. A very long way from Hampshire i'm afraid, but thanks again for your interest.
Sincerely
Brenda

[brenda]

To taichiperson.

Thank you for your help,have much to think about now.good to know that someone has the time to share their experience with me.
Brenda

[Ice.Maiden]

Hello Brenda - I really sympathise with you on this, and taichiperson's right. Also, your own doctor should be able to guide you, or go through your Council to Social Services. they have a good team of people trained in helping with these matters - e.g., respite care for yourself, or carers who could come in to help.
I know what a huge decision it is, to let a family member go away to be cared for, but they have wonderful resources these days, and I'm sure that your husband'd soon settle in. You'd then be able to visit him with peace of mind. x

[donn1901]

hi brenda i'm a care worker for social svs, your not alone hun many ppl i visit are in the same situation. you have many options but i think you need to call scoial services who will come out and do an assessment of your husband and explain all the possibilitys. i go to clients each morning wash and dress them, and reverse on the evening, we do house work chores shopping calls and sitting with them while you rest. you may be eligible for govermet funding but hun call social svs who will most defiantly help you the most. xx

[cruella]

Hi brenda,
So sorry to hear of your situation. I also work in the Care Sector and help support people in their own homes or help with the move to Residentail?Nursing Care.
I can only agree with what everyone else has said. Contact Social Work Dept for your Husband to be assessed. They will advise on the financial issues and also provide personal care to help you and your Husband until a suitable place can be found for him. Good Luck.

[coco pops]

Get help from social services ,they will be really helpful .
When a relative went into a nursing home she was upset etc and the nursing home asked me to stay with her the first night.
Ask other people about their experience of local care/nursing homes. i know of one care home in teeside which is classed as good , the staff sometimes get the residents that arn't aware of what time of day it is up at 5am !!

[CathH]

Hi Brenda

The Commission for Social Care Inspection have a website where you can look at Inspection reports for care homes. this might help you in your choice of care home.

The address is: www.csci.org.uk

[brenda]

From Brenda,
To Ice Maiden,coco pops,cruella,donn1901 and In A Pickle.
Very many thanks for all the advice given to me on the "care" issue.
Have made a start and asked for information from 3 homes near me,which I am told have a good reputation.
Then will follow up with Soc .Services.
I know I have to bite the bullet on this problem, and will do so, feeling more clear at present.
Thank you all once again.
Brenda.

[brenda]

From Brenda, To Cath H
I did not know of this and will pursue the relevant reports.
Thanks sincerely
Brenda.,

[cruella]

brenda,
Don't be afraid to ask lots of questions when you do eventually visit any homes.
I do wish you all the best and also your Husband. It is not easy taking care of some-one alone 24/7.
Please keep us updated. xx

[Ice.Maiden]

All the best to you and your husband Brenda. Don't be scared to ask questions, and there's always someone to help you with any complicated form-filling. You can also drop in at most nursing homes and ask to look round before deciding, on availability of course, where you think your husband'd be happiest. I also know of two homes that accept residents as couples, so that you could still be with your husband, but only you know whether that'd suit you or not. Best of luck. x

[ethandron]

brenda, ring your surgery and ask them for the telephone number of the local clinic. the clinic will have a 'health visitor for the elderly' and you can arrange for a home visit by her. it is her job to deal with all aspects of elderly people's health and well being and she will know exactly what to do, where to go and who to ask, for the help you need in making some very difficult decisions.

[growbag]

Dear Brenda
you are obviously a very caring person who is under a big strain right now. The first thing I would advise you to do is to ring your local Social Services Older Peoples team for help, and ask them for an assessment. As a carer, you are entitled to an assessment in your own right as well. It is also worth looking at whether the Alzheimer's Society has a support worker in your area who can assist and advise you.
Once you have the various options explained to you, you can make a decision. If you have other members of the family, it would be good to involve them too. However, please don't let children pressurise you - they may feel that their dad shouldn't be "put in a home" although they don't have the daily burden of caring for him.
If you do decide that a home would be the best option, have a look round and see which one feels best for you and him. All homes have to be registered and inspected - look at the CSCI website to see the inspection reports (www.csci.org.uk). If you are worried about finances, the social worker from Social Services should be able to explain how this works.
Do start exploing options and asking for support now. You are entitled to it, and it is much better for you and your husband if you can make decisions in your own time, rather than coming to a crisis and then your husband being moved as an emergency.
Finally, and most importantly, you should bear in mind that if your husband is in a place of care, you may have a better quality of relationship. You will be able to spend time with him without having to worry about the physical care.
I wish you lots of luck, whatever you decide.

[DONNNAKEBAB]

Dear Brenda.

What lovely and caring advice you have received on here and I cant add much more. I wish you and your husband all the very best. And please, keep us updated.

Take Care.

Katie. x

[brenda]

To, cruella,DONNAKEBAB,Ice.Maiden,ethandron and growbag------

Thank you all yet again for all your support and advice, I feel quite overwhelmed, I have not used any site before for personal things and feel very touched by you all.Will keep you appraised of progress in the future, as things happen.
Best wishes to you all and take care,
Brenda x

[hazziebaby]

Hiya ,i have worked in residential care for 26years,im no expert but maybe yor husband do,s need more care than wat you can give him,you will need to go through yor doctor first,you didint say what your husbands problems are,were i work we have a emi unit so we have some realy bad cases of dementia that needs specialist care,you need 2 be looking after yorself and get the care yor husband needs,hope everthing works out 4 you.