Having a 2nd child - your experiences please!

[tigwig]

My hubby and I have just had a discussion about having a 2nd child. I may want one in the future he doesn't! My question is to all of you who have 2 or more children how different is it to just having one? Is it really difficult coping with a new baby and a young child? (my daughter is 4) I worry about her feeling left out, the cost, childcare and making life difficult for myself! On the other hand I don't want her to be on her own and think she is at a nice age. What are your experiences of this?

[cazzz1975]

its harder work and instead of one of you having a break, both of you will be busy. childcare is obviously going to be an issue, however your daughter will soon be starting school. its more stressful but easier to adjust to than when you go from non to one!

[Drisgirl]

O exactly same as me -4yr age gap -except my husband and I both agreed if we wanted another one -first being an experiment to see if it would be a laugh -joke was on us cos we fell hook line and sinker we would wait..We decided to have another one and it was brilliant -we had so much fun given he wasnt tolerant with babies but how he loved them.We both worked so had a mountainous childcare charges but the fun we had camping all over Europe with the pair of them and the the holidays we had even after we seperated -Legoland in Denmark being one.
Crux is -they are my life and he is dead -I dont know if I would have coped so well had I not had the two of them -so there you go !!! Make what out of that what you like but at least we all have each other -with my second husband as a support to the 3 of us.

[frankofile]

Hi tigwig, there is no easy answer to this one. My 2 have fought for the whole 17 years of my younger ones life. Sometimes I want to bang their heads together! But I really think it has made them stronger people, and at last they are becoming good friends. I was an only child and I resented it then, and to some extent I still do. The burden was always on me to be a success, to produce the grandchildren, and now to look after my parents in their old age. I really wish I had someone to share it with.

[zzxxee]

its hard bloody work although i love both my kids equally i would of stuck to one

[annie0000]

I have a much smaller gap - 13 months, so it is probably hard to compare, but on the whole I would say that appart from when they were babies (7 and 6 now) it is easier with 2 than 1. My boys are great friends most of the time and they entertain each other a lot. They are never lonely and despite the fact that they have their own seperate friends at school, they wanted to share a bedroom at home. It is great when you go on holoday and they have someone to play with all the time.

Having said that, if you had a 4 year age gap and if they were different genders, you may not get the advantages that I have just given.

This may also be a bit morbid, but I kind of thought that if anything ever happened to me and my other half, at least they would have each other.

And the romantic in me thinks how great it will be when they are grown up and can be a support at each others wedding, their children will have cousins etc.

But then, I am one of 7 and my husband is 1 of 6, so we are used to having family around, so it would have felt strange with only one - had we started earlier, we may have had 3!

[beanebabe]

Don't just have one! Only children are always horrible spoilt brats (wait while I dive for cover before I press the submit button).

[mumof3angels]

Hi tigwig
It's all been said really. I've got 3 children. My daughter was 4 when my son was born and it was like he had 2 mums. She was an absolute darling with him, and having 2 of them seemed an absolute breeze. She'd come to me and tell me if he was a bit upset, or if she thought he needed changing etc. I think the age gap was lovely, as she was at an age when she understood if the baby took up my time at certain times, she would get my attention after. With you, your daughter, is going to be a bit older and I'll think you'll find it quite easy. My son was 3 when my 2nd son was born, and he was quite detached from me for the 1st few weeks after he was born. He seemed to hate the fact that this little baby had taken his place as the youngest. But he did come round and the 2 of them are best buds.
My youngest is now 4, a complete monster, destroys everything in his path, cheeky as hell and if he'd been my 1st he'd be an only child!!! But he looks at me with those big blue eyes and all is forgiven( well, almost LOL).
For all the arguments, lack of money, chaos etc. I'm so pleased that my kids will grow up knowing they'll always have their siblings there.

[Panic Button]

Sometimes it is brilliant, as they are good company for each other and entertain each other. It gives you a bit of breathing space

Other times it is like having a hurricane in your house. Nothing you do can take the force out of the storm.

We have a five year gap, and have no regrets on the second.

[Ice.Maiden]

You go for it, tigwig. I think it's nice to have them close together, and the older child can be involved in helping to do things for, and play with the younger one. I personally found it no more difficult than looking after one. x

[tigwig]

thanks for your answers you have given me more things to think about! I really want another now but my hubby still says no and now if he won't change his mind all I can think of is my little girl all alone when we die!! I know thats stupid though she does have 4 cousins and they are close in age.

[bednobs]

uless you are planning to die soon, i dont think you can use that as a reason t have another one, after all, hopefully when you die she will have a family of her own!

[Le Chat]

We decided on one child because I was totally overwhelmed with one! Once he was past 3 it was lovely and life was wonderful. To cut a long story short, i remarried and decided with my current husband not to have another one because of these reasons. However, due to a gross contraception failure and an obvious high fertility on my part, I had another child at 39.
7 1/2 year gap! I was just as overwhelmed and desperate but he is now 4 1/2 and the oldest nearly 12. It is more than double the work but I would not be without the little fella , he is my special kind of magic!
To be honest, although it sounds morbid, a lady I knew had one son and she told me to have another as 'sons always just go there own way' and then her only son died. So she told me to definitely have another one because now she was in effect 'childless.'

[terambulan]

Ur 4y old girl will do the mothering....! Clench ur fist that's about what u eat a day...much less for a baby. Clothes depend on what you can afford...lots given by relatives/friends, charity shops & �1 have lots for babies.

Go-on give ur daughter her own blood life companion whom she will entrust to as long as she lives. Marriage is all about children or why bother with marriage?

[bednobs]

errrrr ..... because you love someone and want t o make a committment to them for the rest of your life perhaps???

[tigwig]

well I am very pleased to say after further long discussions my hubby has agreed to try for another. Albeit a bit reluctantly I admit but I know he will be just as excited as me if and when I get pregnant and will love the baby as much as our daughter

[naflharrison]

hi i also have a daughter who is 4 and my will be three this xmas. we originally had planned to wait until our daughter was starting school before having another baby but alas i got broody and we spent 4mths planning our second child. i had my concerns during the pregnancy about how i would cope and how much love i could give to both children, well i have to say that all my worries disappeared when we brought our son home after he was born, litterally within a wk we were all in a nice routine and you will have plenty of time for your daughter given that babies sleep so much. your hubby was probably reluctant due to stress worries, financial worries that a second child brings but when he holds his new daughter or son it will all turn good!!

the way i see it is its only difficult looking after 2 if you make it difficult. as long as you get a routine that works and stick to it itll be great. my house is like an army base given the structure and routine!!!

good luck and have fun trying for baby number 2!!

[banjobabe]

Hey tigwig,

Havent read through but my experience is that i have two children with a seven year age gap.

To be honest it was a breeze. Compared with the steep learning curve I had with my son. I learnt with my first and he was soo helpful with my daughter. They still get on really well and enjoy each others company at 16 and 23.

Bb xx

[merejeans]

I have 3 children all with grown up children of their own. When I had mine there was not much in the way of birth control, and things just happened. I really think it was better, there was no worrying about being able to cope, you just had to get on with it. Whatever you decide tigwig, enjoy it. (I think your daughter may prefer not to be the only one). If you do go ahead, make sure your girl is involved as much as possible in the planning beforehand, with decorating the room, buying toys, clothes etc., and make sure as much as poss that when people visit the new baby they make a fuss of her as well, may be even bringing her a little present or suchlike.

[Swiper]

Thank you for this post, my daughter is also four and me and my husband had our first try at getting pregnant again last night (blush).
I'm kinda dreading going back to nappies and night time feeds but it will be worth it!!
Hope everything works out tigwig.

[tigwig]

thanks again everyone we will be trying very soon!