Problems with boyfriends mother

[unhappychick]

Me and my fella have been together for 8 months, we were both in unhappy relationships when we met and decided to end them to be together, everything between us is fine, but the mother refuses to accept our relationships, because I have 2 children. When he told her about me she said she didnt want to meet me for a very long time, and has made derogatory comments about me, refering to me as a vicky pollard, low life scum...which couldnt be further from the truth. The good thing is, he has stood by me and has either ignored her comments or stuck up for me, however, the thing that is really getting to me, is that she is always arranging family meals, her other children and there partners are invited and obviously my fella, and I am always uninvited, not that I would want to go anyway, but I feel that by my fella keep going to these family gatherings minus me, I am feeling that by participating, he is letting me down, the last 2 sundays I have been left on my own whilst they have there get togethers. I have had to sit and listen to all the nasty comments made about myself, then he tries to tell me what a lovely woman she is....I have never retaliated to what she has said, I just said to him, that after all what has been said about me, I find it difficult to think nice thoughts about her and left it at that.....am I wrong to be feeling hurt by his participating in her dinner parties?

[sara3]

no, I think you're quite right. after 8 months she should have got her act together and accepted that her son is capable of making a good choice of partner. in fact, he should be offended at her attitude, which stinks.

I think, go for the big olive branch and ask them to yours for lunch/dinner. do his siblings know you and like you? go on a charm offensive and try to get them onside.

I think your man needs to sort this out. he can't sit on the fence like this as his mother is "winning" as it stands. it's down to him to smooth things over.

and for what it's worth.. she sounds like an average nightmare mother-in-law!

[bednobs]

your b/f is a tit for telling you what she says!

[unhappychick]

I havent met the sisters yet, allthough the option is there...just feel like im going to be judged by them and cant bear the thought of it...I have nothing to prove to any of them. I feel that the mother is winning by him going along with it also...im glad that someone can see my point of view...you know when you ask yourself, is this me being silly or what? If im honest, I despise the woman, she also thinks im going to try and take all his money!!! I would rather be skint in silence than mention it to him, thats what makes me laugh about it! after all what she has said about me, I doubt I could ever speak to her...think im gonna have to speak up about the way im feeling! Thanks for you reply x

[unhappychick]

bednobs:- I agree, ive told him that I dont want to hear anymore!!! But he still mamages to sneak the odd comment in here and there, just gets my back up!!!

[redcrx]

are you sure shes saying it? and that hes not just trying to keep you and her seperate?

I cant understand why any man would tell his girlfriend such things withou a motive.

[sara3]

try not to lose your temper..she'd love that!

I still think winning over the sisters might be a good move... then they can go back and tell their stupid mother how nice you are. you're right, you shouldn't have to lower yourself but this may well be for the rest of your life..

but bednobs has a point.. what's he trying to achieve by passing on her drivel?

good luck x

[unhappychick]

I dont think he is making this up, but now you have mentioned it, he is quite insecure and maybe he tells me as a way of putting me down and making himself above me...just dont know

[unhappychick]

Ive not lost my temper once, allthough I have felt like it on many occassions, I bite my tongue, but can feel a rage brewing....time to meet the sisters I think!

[redcrx]

thats another posibility. Does he seem a bit more at ease when he tells you these things?

[unhappychick]

Hmm Sometimes maybe yes, and it leaves me feeling like crap...other times he seems upset about it!

[jno]

don't try to make it into an 'It's either her or me' contest; nobody wins that sort of thing. People love their mothers even when they do dumb things, and someday you'll be grateful if your own children do the same. Just treat his absences as you would if he was at work or out of town for a day: get on with your own life, enjoy yourself, go for lunch with friends, don't sweat over what other people might or might not be saying about you. But yes, do insist to him that you don't want to hear about it; that's only fair.

[Velvetee]

Well the only way to nip this one in the bud, is for your partner to be completely supportive of you and your relationship, which would mean he only goes to family gatherings if you are invited too. If you are not, then he should tell his spiteful mother, that he will not be attending any other functions unless you are invited. If he cannot stand up to her in this way, then I'm afraid there can be little hope for your relationship.

For some reason, mothers are very jealous over their son's relationships and I doubt she has anything against you personally. No woman would probably be good enough for her boy and you having a child, is an ideal excuse for her to keep you at bay and make him chose between you. Sounds like he's choosing mummy at the moment!

[ethanryan]

I HAVE BEEN WITH MY PARTNER FOR NEARLY 5 YEARS AND STILL HAVNT BEEN ACCEPTED INTO THE FAMILY because my partner left his ex and there son for me, there was no affair or nothing he split first then we started seein each other. he sees his son every other weekend. my oldest is 3 and has never even been to his nan and grandads for dinner but my partners ex goes every sunday. you have to learn to deal with it, my partner has had words on a number of occasions n they make they effort for a couple of wees then dont bother again.
my boys dont need these they have my mom n her partner and my dad n his partner who love them to bits. they dont even know the in laws as grandparents. they only see them 4 five minutes on there birthday when they drop a card in.
my partner has stood by me n the boys from day one. if he gets invited somewhere with his parents, he says if were not all invited then he isnt goin

[TimothyJone]

Get lots of tips
http://www.depression-guide.com/relationship/b oyfriends-mother.htm

[unhappychick]

Ethanryan, im disgusted, how hurtful, and missing out on there own grandchildren too, there loss! Your partner must be fuming!!! and inviting the ex round, well what can I say!!!!

[Onlyme2008]

omg!! im in exaclty the same position buts its been 8 years!!!!

me and my fella got together 8 years ago, he has a daughter she was 1 at the time and his mum hated me for no reason at all, basically didnt want me around!! never gave me the time of day and didnt want me near his daughter, 8 years on and we have a child ourselves who is 6 and she doesnt hardly ever bother with her, she loves his first child like her own but me and my daughter get left out of everything!!! she says nasty thing and it upsets me, i to feel betrayed when he goes round there for meals etc but there isnt much you can do, the more wound up you get the worse it gets, i have come to ignore it, its her lose at the end of the day!! and she has missed out on seeing her 2nd grandchild grow up.

just hand in there and get on with your life, dont let her ruin your relationship with your fella, thats what she wants!!!!!! just be nice as pie and happy as larry!!! she will soon see she is fighting a loosing battle!!!

and if u dont get invited just turn up anyway and be nice and pie with everyone!! honestly nothing will p*ss her off more!!! xx

[B Rubble]

You think it's bad after 8 months my partners mother couldn't accept me after 18 years, I just let her spout off until one day I'd had enough and that was it, problem was it should have been my partner who said something not me, at least he stood up for you.

If you think the relationship it's worth fighting for "FIGHT" like there's no tomorrow.