My Sons Wedding

[Kazzarooney]

I am posting this for a friend. I told her you guys give great advice. Thanks in advance

My son wants me to sit with my ex of 15 years on the top table and my present husband is so upset. My husband has been like a father to my son and now wont be included in flowers, the suits, photos. I don't want to upset either of them but hubby is now saying he wont go and to be honesf if he is going to spoli the day I dont want him there.

[LoftyLottie]

I can understand your son wanting both parents on the top table - could not your respective partners be included as well? That would seem to be the fairest option.

[Kirstyhev]

The same situation happened with a lady I used to work with, at her daughters wedding. In the end she decided that she would not spoil her daughters day and sat next to her ex husband and basically grinned and beared it. Has your friends son told your friend where her current husband will be sitting?

[LoftyLottie]

I think your friend was wise Kirstyhev. I actually think the husband of Kassarooney's friend is acting in a very selfish and childish way. He should rise above it and respect the wishes of the bride and groom. However, I don't see why both parental couples can't all sit together on the top table.

[Carrac]

I personally think that your loyalty lies with your current husband. I think that you should maybe tell your son how his step father and yourself feel and the position that you feel you are in. I am sure he would understand and possibly doesnt even realise that he has upset you. You will never please everyone at a wedding.

i think you should also talk to your husband because he is also being extremely unfair on you, putting you in this postion. I think the only scenario out of this situation is to talk to both parties

[Robinia]

Yes, I'm with Lottie on this. My oldest son has been married twice (how old does that make me feel?!). Both times I sat with my ex - quite happily I might add, we get along very well - partners had to take a back seat. It's not for long & after the meal & formalities are over you can all go your own way and maybe have some nice, less formal pics taken with the bride & groom.

[LoftyLottie]

Yes, as Robinia says we are talking about a couple of hours maximum. Surely, all loyalties and respect for wishes should be for the son and his wife on this occasion. Let them have a good start to their married life without bickering about such a trivial matter.

[LoftyLottie]

(p.s. I hope my children elope!)

[Robinia]

lol Lottie!
I've told son no1 that's it! No more 'only worn once outfits' & son no 2 promises he won't get married at all....

btw Kazzarooney, tell your friend to go easy on her son about the seating, it might not be entirely his idea. I'm not in the habit of feeling sorry for men but sometimes the groom can be swept along by the bride & her family over wedding arrangements.

[BuzzNitemare]

Just to clarify - is the present husband upset just because you will be sitting with your ex OR is he more upset that after being such a big part of your son's life for so long he feels like he is not going to be a part of the day?
If it the former than i have to agree with the others that this is the bride and grooms day and I'm afraid he can like it or lump it.
If it's the latter , then I'm sure it's not the intention of your son to leave out his step father. I imagine in this day and age step family and wedding situations come up all the time. You don't mention whether the ex has a new wife but if he does then maybe could suggest that you and your ex are both at the top table but with present partners beside you. As for photos, understandably the groom will probably want one with his mum and dad but wil probably be just as pleased to have all the variations of his extended family included.
It may be worth suggesting to your son and daughter in law to be that they seek advice from the professionals i.e the reception venue and photographer. After all they deal with these situations all the time and may be able to give you some impartial advice as to seating plans, photo grouping etc.
I hope it all goes smoothly for you. Best wishes to the happy couple.

[karenmac60]

Can't your son only have the immediate bridal party at the top table? Bride and groom, best man, bridesmaids and father of the bride? It would save a lot of problems...

[horselady]

My daughter-in-Law's parents are divorced. When my son got married, the bride's mum sat beside her at the top table, then the bride's dad, then his present wife. Why can't they do that?