relationship problem

[tombarney]

Hi all.
I am in a relationship with a girl 13 yrs younger than me ( me 44, her 31) I curently have my own house and live with my son who is 21 yrs. and would like my girlfriend to move in. this was all she wanted too. how ever she has a few isuues about my son. I am very house proud even befoe meeting her I always had my house spotless. when she comes to vist she like to do the house for me although i have never asked her to. how ever now she claims that i am to soft with my son and dont get him to do house choirs which upsets her. she has refused to move in unless i resovle this with my son.. I have told her she dont need to do the cleaning as I will do it myself but she says thats a cop out. I agree i am layed back with my son but he is by no way a bum he works and gives me money every week for board which mygirlfriend made me ask for. we are only talking the odd plate or the crums after he has made him self somthing to eat but she feels upset if he makes a little mess after her cleanning up..should i talk to my son and get him in volved with house work. (if we argue its 9 x out of 10 about my son)

[cassa333]

Do you feel you are too solf with your son? If no then tell her you are happy with your arrangements with him. She will then have to decide if she wants to move in.

However I think the real issue is that she doesn't want him there.

If she were to move in I think she will make his life hard as 1 he won't come up to the standards she has set for YOUR son 2 SHE DOESN'T WANT HIM THERE

Regardsless of what is said now about the arrangments to move in she will want to rule the roost herself her way.

If I am wrong then she will put up with the situation as it is and life will be a bed of roses for all three of you.

Whatever she says

[888sally888]

Hi Tom

I am a step mother to 2 boys 22 and 15 and I really step back and let their dad be the parent and I am just an older friend to them.

I always bite my tongue and let my husband make the decisions about them. I only get involved if he (or the boys) ask me. They come to me way more than their mum as i have approached things this way.

Dont get me wrong - there are times when its very hard but it works for us.

Your son is YOUR son, the house is YOUR house and YOU should make the decisions.

If you change things because of your gf, you son will resent her and at the end othe day its his home.

I would say also that 90% of our arguments are over the children and exes - I have 2 daughters 16 & 18.

However, your not doing your son any favours letting him do nothing. He will cope better when he leaves home if he knows the basics. He should really do his ironing and put dirty plates etc away.

Good luck - I know its hard!!

[Miss-Ladybug]

There could be an underlying problem between your girlfriend and your son that she is too scared to tell you about and so uses this as a cover.

Talk, not argue, about it with her to make sure.