toddlers behaviour

[marion lane]

Hi all,
I have just been granted Residence of my 18 month old grandaughter, she has spent most of her life with us but it has been a long time since I have had to deal with an 18 month old child. She keeps slapping me, she has slapped other people but it seems to be me she slaps most, my husband and I have tried different tactics to try to stop it from telling her its naughty, making her sit on a chair or step to just totally ignoring her for 5 mins but she is still doing it. We wont smack her as this is wrong and would send the wrong message to her ( i couldnt hurt her anyway). Anyone have any ideas on how to stop this behaviour, it upsets me when she does it and we really want her to stop,
Any suggestions are very welcome!!!!!

[Ice.Maiden]

I don't know if the child's seen this sort of behaviour, or been subjected to being smacked herself, but I think she's too young for a "naughty step", because it's probably been the norm for her, so she wouldn't understand that this behaviour's unacceptable. If it was me, I'd remove her hands if she slaps, and say a firm "no". Then I'd try and distract her with some game or something interesting. Praise her when she's good, and always return kisses and cuddles, telling her how nice it is. I don't think it's a good idea to "punish" her by ignoring her, because that's probably the very thing that's made her strike out in the first place - as a way of trying to get attention. All teh best to you.

[Velvetee]

Sounds very difficult. Sorry, I can't offer advice, I know nothing about children, except that I find them scary.

[dabees]

Once and once only, act over the top. Be angry and quite nasty. My boys never misbehave for me like they do for their mother.

When my 8 year old is naughty, all i have to do is put on my nasty voice.

Best of luck to you.

[lozzylou]

hi my sons are now 2 and 3 and i have been where you are. my son went through a stage of hitting, and it is just a stage. the way i dealt with i was to totally ignore the fact that he had hit me and dfistract him with something else instead. or when he smacked me i would tickle him back and make him laugh, i would then say things like dont you tickle mommy, and he would tickle me. he then started to come behind me and tickle my legs or something instead of coming to smack me. he learnt that it was more fun to tickle me as he got attention after by me chasing him to try and tickle him bk. it worked for us with both my boys

[Mully79]

Change your tone of voice when she has been naughty so she can clearly differentiate between you telling her off and the times when you praise her or speak normally. Holding her hands down whilst you are speaking to her will stop her lashing out and reaffirm your authority. The naughty step can work at that age, but you may find yourself repeatedly sitting her back there, which is fine as long as you tell her beforehand why she has to sit there, for no more than a minute though.

Acting over the top and loudly does work as a shock technique, basically "look I can have a bigger tantrum than you" - my husband has perfected this and it usually ends up the two of them giggling and all anger and tantrums are forgotten.

This might be a lot tougher for you, as she may have seen behaviour from others that you're not aware of, or picked up on things around her that have made her feel unhappy and lash out. It won't change overnight but if she's settled in a loving home and gets lots of love and praise from you, and of course she'll get a little older, this behaviour will become less frequent.

Consistency is the key - keep the routine, i.e. if she hits you, go over to her, hold her hands down to stop her doing it again, tell her (in your different tone) it's wrong to hit others and now she has to sit on the naughty chair as punishment. If her language is good enough ask her to say "sorry" after she's sat there for 1 minute and then have a cuddle, and all is forgiven and you can carry on. Works for us, my daughter is now 2� and rarely sits on the naughty chair now.

[nat_84]

I wouldnt worry. My daughter was doing this to the people she new best (me, her dad and nanny) when she was 11/12 months. ONly yesterday i realised she had suddenly stopped (although now hits herself in the face when we tell he off - but thats another story!).

BUt anyway, it all happened very suddenly, mainly when she was tired, hot or aggitated. me and her dad never argue around her so its not anything she has picked up from us or anywhere else.

Everytime she does this, i suggest you put her down or as the above says, lower your voice and sternly tell her NO and ignore her for a couple of minutes so she realises what she is doing is wrong.

like i said, im pretty sure its just a phase so wouldnt worry too much x

[marion lane]

Thanks to all of you for your advice, There are some very helpful tips which I am going to put into practice from tomorrow morning. She is a very well behaved little girl in every other way, and very bright, i sometimes think its just frustration as she tries to communicate with us and cannot speak to tell us what she wants or needs in the same language as us. She speaks well for her age but I think she is desperate to speak as well as we do but does not understand she needs to practice a little more first, ha ha.
Thanks again, I will keep you informed of our progress.

[aims1202]

If she has only recently come to live with you and has been through a difficult time then i would say the reason she is doing this is because she is feeling very confused and anxious. she is so young and i think too young for being told off or for the naughty step. children this age do this either for attention or because of the feelings they dont understand.
i think its best to completely ignore the behaviour you dont want, act as if she is not doing it. ignore the behaviour , not the child. give her lots of positive attention, loads of affection, kisses, cuddles. have lots of fun together. praise her every time she does even the smallest good thing.
you are doing a wonderful thing and its hard work but worth it.

[marion lane]

Thankyou aims 1202. She has actually lived with us most of her life but, yes I agree she has had a bad start and we intend to give her a much better future. We are young grandparents (44 and 37) so we have the energy to do all the things you suggest, she is generally a happy child surrounded by people who love her. She has not smacked so much today as i have been ignoring her smacks and I think this may be working so thanks to all for this advise.

[Rowieloon]

Goodness me - all these crawling parents ! I grew up in the fifties and have brought up two children, both of whom went on to uni and have great jobs. JUST SLAP HER BACK! It lets her know that it is painful, something that, at the moment, she does not understand. (I can understand the 'politicaly correct' brigade, but see where it has has led society). Sorry if my answer upsets you.

[shylock73]

I have two grown sons 38 & 40 yrs and I was strict with them as children and gave them a slap if they misbehaved and they are now very responsible and upright citizens of whom I am proud of. I believe in the old adage "Give me the child for the first 4years and I will show you the man" The Politically Correct Brigade can kiss my butt, or smack it if they like!!!!