will she ever give up?

[bubbles4920]

how do i stop a woman from persuing my fiance for the last 8 years. i have found recent text messages mainly of a sexual nature on his mobile. they did have an affair and she wouldnt let it go.he said he would tell me if he ever heard from her again and obviously hasnt. she says she just cant get him out of her head as kylie says and is telling him not to bury his head in the sand. we are planning on getting married next year after living together for many years. its always been me to put the wedding thing on hold, think because i dont trust him and we lack others respect in my opinion. ive forgiven him 3 times and now its come to the 4th, what can i do? we live the other side of the world now as my fiance got promotion and she is still after him. all of the texts are recent, what i can see, and are on his uk mobile. i see there is a missed call on his mobile we have here so it shows he must have given her his new number though she may have been able to get it through the same company they work for.btw, he no longer has dealings with her uk company side of things. im starting to wonder if im just in this relationship so they cant be together, i do love him though and of course i dont want anyone else to have him .sorry, im pouring my heart out here and making myself look so stupid. just dont know how to get rid of her, he says he wants to marry me and he loves me, all that. i havent confronted him this time and dont know how to play it. anyone else had their partner pursued, if so how did you get rid of them if at all??this one is very determined after 8 years on and off! i just feel like i dont want to be in this world anymore but i do know that if i wasnt im sure they would be shacked up together asap! cant believe one minute we are about to discuss wedding plans the next my world is blown apart .. again! i suppose it has always been the same woman after all, whether thats a good or bad thing i dont know.

[DONNA1458]

it cannot just be all one sided for 8 years i think you need to step back and look at this again you cannot trust your partner so if you have her number ring her and ask her woman to woman what has gone on what is going on and what your husband has been telling her you will be able to get an idea of what the woman is like from talking to her and whether she is being taken for a ride like im sorry to say i think you are how long and how often can you go through this??

[bubbles4920]

ive tried talking to her in the past but she just puts the phone down on me!

[puddicat]

why dont you just change all the phone numbers, landline and mobiles, and go ex directory with your landline problem solved, and if she does manage to phone your partner it means he has given her his number!!!!

[Jillius]

It sounds as though he is actually enjoying it. Why hasn't he changed his mobile number ? If he wasn't interested in her he would have done something about it by now. I may be wrong but it sounds a bit iffy.

[bubbles4920]

i already pointed out that he must have given her his new foreign mobile number as we now live abroad unless she got it via his company which she works for in the uk still. he still uses his uk mobile for business too. i just feel like she will never go away and will always be a threat and i cant ever trust him. im basically wanting to know how to get rid of her!!

[redcrx]

If hes giving her his numbers and encouraging her then youll never be rid.

[4getmenot]

takes two to tango. Get rid of him he's playing games. x

[DONNA1458]

After so long the only way to get rid of her is to get rid of him otherwise this is just going to eat away at you and you cant marry a man knowing you cant trust him. are you a strong enough person to do this?

[bubbles4920]

ive got no proof though and it could all be one sided her pursuing him now we have moved abroad and what i thought that we had moved on too. i wish i knew his take on her and what he is/has told her. sometimes too i think he only 'chose' me to share his new life with here as he knew i would cause a right rumpus with his work if it was to be all over, he couldnt miss up on promotion. maybe im wrong but thats how i feel. she did refer to me as LP ie life partner as that is what he told her i was. any ideas on how to put a stop to it once and for all apart from a shotgun, though dont know which one i would take a pot at first!

[bubbles4920]

it must be so nice to have a fella that has never cheated on you, my past record is the same so what does that say about me!! i should just put the said shotgun to my own head!

[DONNA1458]

This is not in your control bubbles
"if you always do what you've always done, you always get what you've always got" basically if you are always getting the bad fish maybe you should change the bait.

[lil75]

If you wasnt in this world you know they would be shacked up asap!!!

Get shot of him is what I say, yeah you may wanna know how to get rid of her, but im certain if she wasnt around he would be playing about with someone else, its not all her fault, its him as well. I certainly wouldnt be making marriage plans, I would be making plans to move back to the uk....without him!!!

[bubbles4920]

going to confront him 2mz, will ask him what he wants wedding plans then go on about the engagement commitment thing that we already should have. im so angry now, think i will give him a good slap, harder than the one last time, that obviously wasnt hard enough. i know i shouldnt resort to violence but it will make me feel so darn good!

[ceejn]

What a horrible situation.I think hes enjoying it .If he truly wanted rid of her its not hard to do, he just has to ignore his mobile and all texts from her.Most reasonable people take the hint after being ignored for a while.8 years is tooo long for this silly game.Its disrespectful to you and i think you could do better.Move on.

[bubbles4920]

situation almost resolved, no i didnt slap him.!we spoke about wedding plans then i backtracked asking him about commitment and fidelity during engagement. he admitted receiving texts but said he hadnt replied to them as he didnt want to start off a dialogue. he said that he hadnt told me about the texts as he wanted to protect me as we are so happy over here.i told him that when he tried to get rid of her before we moved abroad that he should have taken the hard line, ie dont love you, never have, just a fling, etc, something to hurt her. so on sat.he rang her and only managed to say he didnt want to move forward in a long term relationship with her and not to text and as she knows we are engaged. i was so angry that he didnt take the hard line straight away. dont know now if its best that he rings her again saying we have set a wedding date, she was a fling etc, if she becomes revengeful it could cause issues with both their jobs maybe. i just want to move on from it. i still think she needs to hear harsh words though, ive even thought of writing to her parents with the text messages, shes 40 and still lives at home, asking them to have a word as her mother did call it a 'sordid little affair' years ago but dont know if this will make things worse workwise. it is something out of my control i know. he will definitely be cancelling his uk mobile now as he hardly needs to use it. she can still contact him via his work email, something i will never know i suppose though he says he will tell me.by not telling me it has made it much worse. from his reaction the other day, when he came off the phone he cringed as it was the last thing he wanted to do, speak with her and have any contact. thanks for all your replies, in answer to the idea of leaving him, i suppose we all need to know the whole picture to give advice.