House split with my ex-partner

[MustangLady]

Hi, this is not easy writing this as for me it means it's final... my partner and I were together for 18yrs. We split up this June (day before my birthday). There were no arguments or anything, I just felt that we'd drifted apart this last year after he got a new 'hobby' which took over his life, I hardly saw him. He spent most nights out and at weekends he had late nights out, we didn't go out together or spend any time together anymore. I even had doubts there was someone else involved, which I'm still not sure about, he says there isn't. I suggested that we had a trial split, in my mind I was hoping he'd come to his senses, miss me and come back. Instead one week later he returned saying he thinks its for the best we split altogether. I still love him and miss him terribly, it's been really hard for me and constantly crying. I regret my suggestion and wish I could just turn the clock back to that night and say nothing. He moved out day before my birthday in June. Now three months later, he asking me to make a decision on our house, joint mortgage. He's now renting a place of his own and can't afford both, as he's still paying part mortgage. We still get on well, he still comes around, he still texts and calls me daily, but in next breath he's telling me it's final now (and I'm heartbroken)! I'm so confused! Now I've know I've got to move on myself, hard as it is. On top of everything I don't want lose my 'home' yet, so thinking of buying him out. I've had house valued but don't know where to go from here? Who do i need to contact first? Any one could help me I would be grateful. I've got to find out if I can afford it by myself, I've not got a well paid job (waitress in caf�) and trying to sort my finances out of top of everything else. I might even have to consider getting a second job to keep me going. But losing my home would break me, it's the only thing I have now.

[Ethel]

I answered you identical post elsewhere

[boogieboogie]

It's a sad time for you.
You will have to speak to your mortgage lenders to see if they will lend you more money to buy out your ex.

Houseprices are dropping by the month so I'd hold out for as long as poss then get the house re-valued b4 you offer to buy him out. He won't lose out on falling house prices either if he want another mortgage as they will be cheaper then.

You could think about getting a lodger for financial assistance with house costs.

[puddicat]

Feel for you mustang, i called my ex husbands bluff and needless to say he went to her, the grass isnt always on the other side, keep strong!!!

[McNoodle]

I feel for you ML, as I'm in a similar situation with similar feelings and regrets. I also would like to know 'how' you sell the house. This was our first and only home together and it's going to kill me to do it. Point is, I don't know how?!

[snagged]

Could you get a friend/lodger in? Their financial contribution could replace your ex's current mortgage commitments.

[caggy]

i know this may seem an awful answer to your problems, but there are companies who buy your house and then rent it back to you. my friend and her husband done this when they split. altho it means that the house isnt hers she is still living in it

[MustangLady]

I want to thank you all for your kind words and advice; BOOGIE - I will speak with my current mortgage adviser and see what they say. I've also made arrangements with a Financial Adviser on someones suggestion.

PUDDICAT - sorry to hear it didn't work out how you wanted either, i'm sorry i ever suggested it too.

McNOODLE - I too would be lost on what to do if i had to sell up. This is our first house purchase together and never done it before. I'm hoping it doesn't come to that just yet anyway, I've had enough upheaval later and could do without losing my home too.

SNAGGED/CAGGY - I've thought about both options as you mentioned. I've been told to steer away from the sell/rent option as that could be a bad move, I'd have to pay as much as a mortgage payment to keep in my 'own' house apparantly, it wouldn't work out any cheaper. The lodger option to me is a feasable one which I could do.

Thank you all again....

[gina32]

they will only give you 85% of the value of the house and then charge you a massive rent to live in it, try not to go down that road if at all possible