Help Im so depressed,loneley and hurt

[stefaniabj]

Im an 18 year old girl and I feel like my head is completeley messed up. I Didn't end up going back to school because I thought I was in love. Two years on He has been violent and cheated on me so I left him. I always had my best friend by my side. Untill I found out she slept with him just after we broke up when i was upset and crying. Me and her wanted to get a place together and work, now shes left the country. Im on my own, left with no friends and no life. Im so depressed I know I don't deserve this but I feel like there is nothing left here for me and i still love my ex who is dying to get me back too, untill I was very rude to him. Mabye I shouldn't have been cos he was the one who told me about my best friend and she later addmitted it.They are such liars too, they both blame eachother for what happened and its messed me up, I try to act like I don't care who it was but deep down Its all I thinka bout.

[casdac]

You are never alone. Your Best Friend, Jesus, is always there. Turn to Him, talk to Him and listen to Him. Read His Word.

[jills]

oh babes, you have been mucked around and I feel for you. One major piece of advice DOTT' GO BACK TO YOUR VIOLENT EX. He's a loser and an are-sole (will this get by ABEd?)and no one should stay with a violent partner. Let alone one who would sleep with your so-called best friend just after you broke up. They are both losers if neither of them are taking responsibility and blaming teh other. Until they can admit they were in the wrong and take responsibility for hurting you, I'd have nothing to do with either. And even if they do take the blame, DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. Maybe wiht your friend it was aone off...is it oout of character for her to act liek this? You can judge for yourself if she is genuinely remorseful and if this is unusual behaviour for her. if she's done anything like this before, she is definitely NOT a BF, and should be avoided in future. You need to protect yourself from this hurt. believe in yourself and believe you deserve better. people who would hurt you like this do not care enough about you, and do not deserve a friend/GF like you.

[el duerino]

ignore the blathering above. If you want a real solution and not a make believe fairy as an emotional crutch you must develop self belief and self dependance, not reliance on some 2000 cannibal god. There are many cliched sentiments I could relate to you, however I am not going to patronise you. I will say that there are very, very nice people out there, but unfortunately they are few and far between. You got mixed up with two not very nice people. Never accept violence off anyone, and a best friend who does that does not deserve your friendship. We all make mistakes - we are human. It's not the mistakes we make, but how we deal with them that define us as individuals. Those two deserve each other, you don't deserve them. You deserve genuine friends and relationships, but they are not going to appear sitting and crying about the past. It's over, it's gone, no amount of crying will bring it back. End the part of your life where you were cheated on and upset - start the part where you go on to be the person you want to be.

[el duerino]

blathering = the christian bit, not the other advice, was written at same time. :)

[cpallett]

chin up darlin your ex sounds like a complete ****** and any true freind would not do that, look at it on the bright side, there are plenty more fish in the sea and im sure you'll make lots more freinds, go out have a drink have a laugh and make sure you have a good time x x

[jills]

cheers for that el duerino..I can blather, so I did wonder if you meant me!

[flashpig]

Forget the friend and definately forget the ex. Do not underestimate the anesthetising effects of working. With a job you will meet some people, make friends, take your mind off all of this stuff and get you money.

[stefaniabj]

Thank you guys A lot I definateley will consider getting my life together it's just good to be able to hear that Im not in the wrong, as i have had no one to talk to

[Oor Wullie]

No man has the right to hit a woman or vice versa. You're better of without him and in time you will meet someone decent. And your not alone. You have all of us at the Answer Bank who will be there for you. You only have to call. Good Luck Will

[andy hughes]

As already advised, you are not alone - if you check back on this section you will find a number of cries from the heart - all responded to by those who understand. You are not alone - we can offer help and support through these pages, for more direct comfort, The Samaritans are always there, 24/7 and will listen to you for as long as you need. You will get through this, and you will be a stronger person for it. Avoid the temptation to go back to your ex - familiar people feel safe, but in his case, it's an illusion. You deserve better, you are better, leave him to rot.

[Doolallygirl]

I just don't understand why people would stay with a violent partner? Surely if someone wants to hurt you they don't love you, why can't people see that? As for him, you are better off alone. And as for the best mate, maybe she done it for your own good? I'm really clutching at straws here as I used that as my excuse for doing stuff with my ex best mates boyfriend. I never got on with him and I knew he was cheating on my best mate so I lay down the bate and he took it. He started coming after me and we kissed and done other stuff but I only done it because I really hated him mucking my mate about. I told her all about it, not why I done it but that he was a loser and she was better off without him and she dumped him. She forgave me because I think she secretly understood why I done it. Needless to say it is hard for her to trust me around her new boyfriends so we don't talk much anymore. But if you can find it in your heart, maybe you could forgive your best friend. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you this much. Maybe it was just a drunken one night stand that meant nothing. It is the biggest betrayel when you find out you can't trust your best friend but think is she worth forgiving?

[el duerino]

flashpig - work to numb the pain. no, no, no, if we hide from such things we do not deal with them, eventually they will come out in one form or another. Deal with the problem, don't run away from it.

[Lindy Loo]

Hiya, I hope you're feeling a bit better about the situation. Yes it does take time to get over something like this especially as you have been betrayed twice, 1)the violence 2)the best friend. No one deserves to be treated like this and in my view you're better off without them. I've had my fair share of bad relationships including a violent one and the last one went off with my best mate, so I can understand exactly how you feel. Each time I was gutted and distraught etc, but I am still here doing things I want to without worrying. (Well not too much!) Take courage from the fact that you have done the right thing, you will survive and you will find happiness in the future. Take care stefaniabj and keep smiling :)

[flashpig]

el duerino, working to numb the pain is a better suggestion than mopeing to numb the pain, or drinking to numb the pain. 'if we hide from such things we do not deal with them, eventually they will come out in one form or another'? Hiding from what, exactly? Pain? I don't see why not. Dentists don't give you a filling telling you not to hide from the pain, they make what is happening easier to deal with. Solely worrying and feeling upset seems more like hiding, like keeping a rotting tooth from the dentist. I've found that I have thought myself into a dead miserable rut without people to talk to or work to go to. Having friends to talk to can make you put things into perspective, give you another point of view. After school, work is where I have made most of my close friends. That is the main reason I suggested work, friends are the cure to loneliness, getting a life is the cure to feeling like you have no life, working is the anesthetic.

[RevShirls]

OK el duerino - the born-again atheist :) here is some more blathering/blethering stuff from the godsquad. Stefaniabj, I am so sorry you've had such a hard time. It's difficult when you've had something like this happening to you, to know who to trust or if you can trust anyone. It's particularly difficult and heart-breaking for you because the two people closest to you have betrayed you and abused your trust. There are never really any easy answers to problems like this but the positive thing that I can see is that you can learn from this experience. You don't need a violent partner in your life. Nobody does. Violence is just unacceptable. You don't need a friend that you can't trust being your best friend. It's time to take these experiences and move on. This will make you better equipped for forming friendships and finding a partner in future. In my opinion, you need this time to heal. You may feel that you don't know who to trust but I think you can depend on yourself. You are 18 - so probably you have had people around most of the time that you've depended on to some extent - maybe parents, friends, partner etc. This is an ideal time to become an independent young woman - to really examine what you want from life and what you want to do with your life. If you can be happy as an independent young woman then friendships and relationships will begin to fall into place - and they will be a bonus. Take one day at a time just now. Lots of love to you :)

[el duerino]

I get annoyed when any sign of despondency leads to the inevitable 'repent and rejoice' line from some sheep. Just because they cannot handle the downs of life without a mystical pick me up doesn't mean other people can't. ^ no blathering

[RevShirls]

Couldn't agree more, el duerino.