Little Brat....arrrgh

[Goodsoulette]

As some of you know, I have a rather tempestuous relationship with my youngest child, he is now three.

Since he has been ten months old he has been very highly strung. He is turning into an out and out bully. Everything he does is about control. He asks for a drink, its not hot enough, he wanted milk, he wanted it cold. We go to the park, he doesnt want to walk this way he wants to walk that way . Nothing works, I have tantrums ten times day, nothing I do seems to stop them. I try distracting him before these flash points occur. My should be two minute walk to school takes half an hour some days.

If I walk him anywhere, he hurts my arm and my side from the constant flailing at not getting what he wants.


What can I do? It feels like these mood swings are never going to stop!

[New Judge]

Whenever he misbehaves give him a gentle but firm kick up the backside. (Be careful not to leave any "lasting marks" as you may fall foul of the Nanny State Police).

It's called aversion therapy.

I doubt that it will have any effect, but it will give your little treasure something to genuinely moan about and may make you feel better until he grows out of it (probably in about 17 years time).

[sleepyj]

my son was a pain in the b*m from the age of 1 years ..he is 14 now and still hard work and still a pain ..but he is so loving it makes up for it .i was firm with him but he is very strong willed ,.good luck xx

[Goodsoulette]

ermmmm thanks judge but im not whacking him, he'll just whack me back and start hitting his already battered brother.

[sara3]

how about "soft" rewards? a trip to the park IF he walks nicely to and from school all week, etc...

you have to be really no nonsense. don't ever threaten anything if you know you might not do it. kids are smarter than we think! have you tried the dreaded naughty step?

[annie0000]

My 7 year old son has always been the same - he has spent a lot of his time on the step! He would deliberately engineer himself into a tantrum - I think he genuinely enjoys them. They are getting fewer as the years go by. My 8 year son only ever had about 2, we ignored them and he has never bothered since. With my younger son we tried the step, time out, ignoring them, losing priviledges, rewards for good behaviour etc etc etc.

We do know that he can control it, as at school he is an angel and "a pleasure to teach". He is very bright and needs to have a lot of intellectual stimulation. As sleepy says, he does combine it by being very affectionate which does make up for it in some way.

As I said, the tantrums are getting less and less as he is able to compute that it is not worth losing a week of play station for - and he hasn't banged his head off the pavement since he was about 2! Another thing that really brought it home to him was filming him having a tantrum and showing him how ridiculous he looked. he now believes us when we say that he is behaving like a giant two year old. This may not work with yours yet, but it is worth a try.

You need to be firm - use all known diversion/ punishment tactics and never, ever give in and it will gradually decline. If you know that you are going to give in, then do it straight away as then they learn that sometimes they can win, but that you wont give in if they keep persisting.

I also love the toddler taming book by Christopher Green - its worth a read.

Good luck!

[petal54]

nephew was same,22 now & teaching in China,not done the Sheridan bit for a few months now.once he can get into sport at school he may start to concider others more,which neff did

[Le Chat]

I found with my second son, who is not nearly as compliant as my first born, that I had to call the shots. So, for example, knowing how contrary he is, I would predict (using past behaviour) how things were going to pan out....
" I am going to make you a nice glass of warm milk, so if you want it cold, tell me now because once it's made, it's made!"
"We're off to the park now Kiddlet and we're walking down the far road, if you really want to go the other way, tell me now because once we start walking that's it."
So the choice has been given and their answer accepted. Now he may be happy as he feels more like he's made a descision. If he isn't he's only got himself to blame. Don't give in-not even once. If you give in once after even 20 mins of saying 'No' then it's worth his while to keep going and going because he knows that somewhere along the line, no matter how long it takes, you will give in!
He sounds trying but normal!

[musicmummy]

My adhd daughter used to take tantrums at me in the street then one day i lost the plot and started screaming back at her, she walked away highly embarrast but has never done it since, haha x

[Goodsoulette]

Thank you so much for your answers, some lovely suggestions. I think I shall video one of his tantrums, if not just to show future girlfriends and to guilt him into being nice to me when he's older.

[pinktwink]

thing is not to give in to him when he seeks to control him if you cant affest his behaviour by ignoring removing him from the room etc than you can control your own. walking away from him when he has a tantrum. Have you tried reward charts so he can also see his progress.

If you thiink his behaviour is a cause for concern and he is like this in school it may be worth seeking a child guidance assessment.
Most important is to have some treats for yourself whilst you are a parent you are also many other things and deserve a treat every so often

[mentality]

At 3 years old I think to brand him as a bully is a little harsh. He clearly tries your patience, my son does the same. But he is also at an age where he is trying to exexrt his authority and pushing the boundaries, a time when tantrums are pretty common. Is there a health visitor you can chat to, or other parents and friends that may be able to give you some pointers on this? Or if you are really concerned, maybe a visit to the doctor? Tantrums and mood swings such as this can be down to all manner of things. His diet, sleep pattern for instance? Not meaning to sound jugdemental, jus a suggestion as what could be some contributory factors. Try a process of elimination with this.. For instance you could look to identify certain patterns in his behaviour, by making a note of the times he is having a tantrum. I know it must be hard.. as I said my son is 9 and tests my patience to the limit at times! It sounds like you need some support with this for yourself? Being a parent is very demanding and draining at the best of times, and no-one gives us a rule book! Stay strong, stay firm and above all in control! Good luck .

[Sarahmitz]

Hi Goodsoulette, that's a really calming name, I think loads of us have gone thru' these types of experiences. My youngest was awful. Once he got to about 3 I learnt to ignore his demands & temper. They didn't go away, but he had no attention. At the age of 15 he is a lovely well rounded, intelligent & sorted indidvidual. However we get a 'spaz' approx once a year. It's still ignored but the stakes for his behaviour are VERY high. I'm assuming artificial colourings/additives are out of the equation. If so you're not the first or last , they'll just grow up, but I think kids are born with certain patterns of behaviour.
Not of much help, I know, but you're not alone.
Sarahmitz

[cazzz1975]

be black and white goods, dont give him the option to change things, if he refuses to drink the milk then he shouldnt be given any other options. ignore the attention seeking behaviour and give him some attention when he is not playing up.
he will get past it eventually, good luck!