Only child......

[smudge]

Hope this isn't too personal & don't wish to upset anyone, but.....

Are you an only child, or have you only had one child?

If so, do you wish you'd had siblings, or other children?

I'm asking on behalf of my friend, who for medical reasons, could only have one child. Her daughter, now 43, doesn't want children & my friend does get a bit upset at times that she'll never have grandchildren, or an extended close family.

Thank you.

[christine847]

Hello smudge.
I am an only child,my father was an only child......i had my son late in life......now he is 21 i so wish id had more!

[yogasun]

Hi smudge.
I was an only child, both my parents have died.
I didn't mind it when I was young, I was happy to play on my own and what I didn't have I didn't miss.
However when I got older I really wished I had a brother or sister to talk to regarding parental health problems etc.
Mr. yogasun has always been brilliant but it's not quite the same. I particularly noticed it when my lovely dad died (mum pre-deceased him by 14 years) as I felt really alone
with no-one to share childhood memories with.
I am glad that we are lucky enough to have two sons who are great mates.
Not everyone will feel this way, just my own experience of it.

[Jeth]

I'm an only child and although having had a lovely childhood feel I really missed out by not having brothers and sisters. Social interaction with others doesn't come easily when you haven't had siblings to "practice" on. I was desperate for my daughter not to be an only child and now am so glad to see the relationship she and her sister have now they are young adults.

Strangely enough I was talking to my two closest friends about this subject, who (oddly or not oddly) are both also only childrenm and we all felt that we have lost out somewhere along the line.

However, although your friend is understandably sad at the thought of not having grandchildren, she has had the pleasure of seeing her own daughter grow up and that daughter is "brave" enough to decide not to have children rather than produce some just as an insurance for her old age.

[joggerjayne]

My brother died when he was a baby, so I grew up as an only child.

And I did feel as though I missed out, not having brothers or sisters.

[sara3]

can I post as a non-only child?

I have a brother and sister, and they have been a constant source of upset for me. they don't really care about "family", and are highly strung and argumentative.

I'm not saying I would rather be without them, although my sister is now in Oz and my brother is local but I rarely see him as he doesn't think of anyone but his deranged wife.

my point is that you can have siblings, but still not feel part of a "family".

there are pros and cons to every situation.

[LoftyLottie]

Agree with you Sarah. As an only child, I can honestly say I never missed having siblings at all. It certainly made me resourceful and self- contained. I have never relied on anybody for anything. My parents fortunately did not mollycoddle me or treat me as a precious only child.

Also, as an outsider I have witnessed dreadful family rifts, especially as siblings have got older and when elderly parents are needing support.

So many of my friends have siblings that they haven't seen for years.

Of course, there are just as many happy siblings, but as Sarah says there are pros and cons to every situation.

And I certainly agree with Jeth's last paragraph.

We have to make the most of what we are and not think about what might have been.

[joggerjayne]

Lofty QUICK !!!

Go back and erase the "h" off the end of sara3's name before she notices.

You'll be in BIG trouble when sara sees your post !!!!!

[sara3]

my best friend gave me a little sign that says, "friends are the family we make for ourselves".

and it's true. she has been a better sister to me, and auntie to my kids than anyone could ever be.

[sara3]

thanks Jayne but it's too late for all that!

there you go.. another potential sister for me ♥

[joggerjayne]

Aww, crikey sara, we could have had so much fun,couldn't we !!

We could have been like Enid Blyton girls (but without the crap dog).

The only unit measurement for anything we ate or drank would have been "lashings".

=0)

[sara3]

"my naughty little sister"???

gotta get back to work. have fun, hope to catch you later x

[joannie10]

i have two close friends that are only children. One is a very confident and loving person - she feels that her confidence comes from being an only child and having to make friends on her own from a young age and feels her parents made her feel more special by being an only child, says she is glad she was an only child. The other one is kinda moody and spoilt - gives her parents a hard time and wishes she had siblings. Total opposites of each other. I have a brother and sister and whilst we were pretty close when we were young my brother kinda keeps himself to himself now but my sister and I are very close even though we were not as children. Would not be without her.

[lollyone]

Hiya, I'm an only child. I had loads of close friends who I grew up with so never felt like I needed siblings. To be honest, I was glad (and still am sometimes when I see some family rifts) that I never had to deal with any sibling rivalry.
Having said that, I dont know what its like to be on the other angle.
I think though that my mum would be upset if I had decided never to have children though. She's beside herself that my baby is due in 8 weeks!
Although I was an only child (not through my parents choice) I know I will want to have more than one. I've never really thought of it like that.

[pusskin]

I am one of 10 children, but we're all married and had families of own own. I cannot imagine being an only child . How sad ! I really feel for you as an only child

[LoftyLottie]

No need to feel sorry for only children pusskin. Most of us are quite happy about being only children. It's not a sad situation by any means!! It doesn't mean we we're lonely or disadvantaged.

Literature sometimes portrays us as poor little souls who are all alone and indulged children - just not so. ;o)

[smudge]

lol, I've been busy darting about tidying before I go out, but kept looking at the screen to see if my little cat email notification showed - but no! I thought, blimey, there aren't any only child AB'ers, then find 14 answers on here! So, sorry for not getting back.

Thank you, I'll read all the A's now.....

[LoftyLottie]

I do have some very close friends who are just like sisters to me. What is better we chose each other!

[LoftyLottie]

Oh and one 'adopted unofficially' brother who would stick with me through thick and thin.

[smudge]

Hi again - thank you for all your answers. Very interesting to read sentiments from all angles.

I would never feel sorry for anyone being an only child, as I have friends who are & they've always seemed quite happy with their lot - probably 'cos they've got me as a true & loyal friend! ;o}

I'm from a 'big' family too & although we love each other deep down & used to be very close, there are some who have drifted apart since Mum & Dad died - it happens!

Having said that, I wouldn't be without the ones I am close to & still love the rest of them.

Anyway - My friend in question is generally a very happy, smiley person, but has often says she envies me having two daughters & four grandchildren - although I never rub her nose in it, so to speak. She should have retired last year, but decided to stay on, as she says there's not much else to keep her at home (apart from housework) but that's just her!

Thank you again & wish you all well. -xx-