20 yr Lazy Son menace to sue parents and make pay for him

[charlie10]

My 20 yr old left home at 18 after advice from psychologist. He is just worse. Has not paid rent last three months, Wants my husband to move his stuff out and run from landlord or he will just aboandon stuff. I refused for him to move back home so now is moved in girlfriends parents. Wants me t o pay for a 12000$ 1 year course in computer repair, that would be free if he took his french and math 12th grade exam which he failed in private school. He is suing his boss, where he quit work, and suing gov't to pay for invalid pay, because he hit his own self with hammer in knee at work, 4 specialists say he is just fine, refuses to work, does not pay credit cards, they call here every week to find him, He asked us for a job at company but paid cash because will harm his suing procedings, this is so devious,never listens to advice, I told him to get a job and pay plane to help third world, he just looked at me,,,,, would rather just philosiphise.When he came over, after my refusal of help, yelled at me, swearing, out of control, in front of 10 yr old calling me f-ing crazy Told me he was going to sue me because his free lawyer told him i had to take care of him if he is studinng, and when I said to leave the house, he said, call the police to get me out! This is crazy stuff, second time, first time is when I told him to move out. He is incredibly lazy, and sorry to say, deviousNo one would hire him with his record.Cannot have him in home, I will go crazy, I know he wont find new apartment because references are probably looking for him now! Christmas around corner, what to do? What if he acts up? Three others love big brother. I am afraid he will show how to smoke pot, gives advice to 13 old that he can quit school at 16 legally, i would rather not have him around the kids.Is it me who is wrong, all he seems to say, I am against! This makes me ask myself if it is my fault because he feels he is never good enough Help!

[Jafi]

As hard as it may sound you have to be cruel to be kind. As a 20 year old he's legally responsible for himself.

He needs to aknowledge his debts, running from them won't get him anywhere. Suggest that he seeks help from the CAB, they are used to dealing with debt issues on daily basis. As for him getting and keeping a job, he's the only one that can do that.

You can only try and help steer him in the right direction, the rest is down to him.

Good luck.

[Velvetee]

Sounds like you're in US? I wouldn't know what to advise, as I gues the legal side of things is different there to the UK.

[Ice.Maiden]

I hate to say this charlie, because he's your son, and all this must upset you very much, but I think the young man has problems which need to be dealt with by professionals..If you bail him out with money, it's not going to help him, and he may not spend the money on the computer course. You could try paying the money yourself directly to the people who're running the course, without actually handing it over to him, but all this talk of sueing, tells me that he's desperate to get his hands on what he sees as easy cash. I feel for you, because it must be dreadful to see your own son in this state, but I agree with Jafi up to a degree. Sometimes the hard way's the best. Having said that, his problems may not just stem from being lazy. He couod be depressed, have drink, drug or mental health problems, in which case he needs proper help, and your support. Best of luck.

[MWB]

Perhaps you could contact a "Tough Love" organisation. I copied & pasted the below.

Mission statement
"To provide support and education that empowers parents and young people to accept responsibility for their actions."

(and stop destructive behaviours.)

If you are concerned, feeling scared, frustrated or confused, don�t give up. Take the first step and take action by attending a TOUGHLOVE parent support group. You will get 24/7 support from then on, if you want it.

TOUGHLOVE can give you no immediate answers to your problems, what we can do is show you that you are not alone, that you have rights and worth and you deserve respect.

[MWB]

charlie10, how are things going?

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