winning a custody battle?

[lozzylou]

i am just wondering if there any fathers out there ( or mothers ) who could advise on this one. my partner has a 6 year old son who lives with his mother. she has never been the best mother in the world but she always looked after him which is what counts. over the last few months she has been evicted from her house due to non rent payment. she spends most of the time in bed with the bloke next door while her son is asleep in his house alone. over the last few weeks he has seemed very tired and sad all the time which is not like him, he says they stay up late watchin tele. he keeps askin us for sweets n things to take home too, when asked y he says cause mommy has no food and i have to wait for my school dinner on monday. all of this is quite alarming but none of it can be prooven. if my partner took her to court for custody would he just be waisting his time or is there a chance he could win when there is no proof. if the child was asked he would want to stay with mommy as he dont see that she is doing anything wrong, its what he is used to. has anyone been in a similar sitation and won the case

[redcrx]

lozzy,
if you feel that this is true then please speak to someone at social services and let them investigate. x

[lozzylou]

hi red we have done this before and they said his living conditions were good and he had no marks on him to show any signs of physical abuse. they spoke to the child and he said what most kids his age would say, that he lovs his mommy and mommy loves him. he has been through alot of change in his life and we just think he needs more of a stable life which we can give him. i know it will be a long and hard process but just wondered if there is a case at all if you have no proof that the child is un happy. he wont have a bad word said about his mom like any child wont. he is just such a mixed up child.

[redcrx]

but unless you get an outside view of whats going on its going to be your word against hers isnt it?

Speak to social services again, explain that the child is saying hes got no food or perhaps see if any neighbours can confirm that hes left alone whilst mums next door?

[lozzylou]

i will do red, its just so hard knowing which way to go about it.my partner has knocked on there door before and his son hasanswered and has been home alone so we know it happens its just prooving it. if i was to ring social services would i have to tell them who i am or could i be anonymous

[Nannyjill]

I don't know all the ins and outs but a little boy at my grandsons school has recently gone to live with his dad after living with his mum. She is seeing another guy and basically didn't have time for him and whilst not being cruel just neglecting him.

His dad approached the school to ask about his behaviour there and they confirmed what he thought. Then I think my daughter said he made an appointment at family liason - not sure who/what that is.

Maybe you could try the school first as they must have noticed something. It's good you've picked up on this so early.

[redcrx]

brilliant idea from nanny there, call the school and ask

You dont have to give your name if you call the social services. Do you still see your health visitor with your little ones? she may be able to give you advice

[silverlace]

When your husband found the child alone he should have phoned the police. My son has had years of worry that his two children were neglected. The mother drinks and takes drugs. My son was never married to her and had no parental rights. He had the children all over christmas and then went to court with his concerns for the children. The judge gave him a residency order while my sons concerns are being investigated. He also gave him automatic parental rights. I cant say that my son will certainly win but he was surprised to be given temporary custody. All he did was contacted the local family court and asked to go before a judge to apply for a residency order. If your concerns are genuine they have to listen.

[silverlace]

Also do not rely on social services. My grandchildren have been on the at risk register for years. They have done nothing to help my son. He has contacted them many times over the years only to be told they could do nothing. His children are 9 and 7 now. Social services are involved now because the court have ordered it. It turns out that they have had many reports about the mothers neglect of the children that my son knew nothing about. You have to take action yourself. Social services have not got the powers that people think they have.

[pinktwink]

there are three options here

1 report the matter to social services in writing and request an assessment. Talk to the childs school about how he presents
2. If your son is alone in the house call the police who have the powers to intervene to remove him
3 Apply to the courts for custody

[Ice.Maiden]

This is a terrible dilemma, but wait. You say that the mother's not been the best in the world, but that "she always looked after him". The poor child may feel more neglected than he actually is, and perhaps his mum's refused to buy him too many sweets either because she can't afford to, or because she thinks they're bad for him. Children often don't understand the real reasons for saying "no".
Does he look under-nourished? Do his teachers feel that he's behaving differently at school? Bringing the police in, could frighten the child far more than if you had a personal chat with the mother first, telling her that you've heard rumours, and that your son's prepared to fight for custody because of how the situation appears. This may be enough to make the woman pay more attention to the boy, but if it continues, then YES, something needs to be done. I hope things can be concluded without unnecessary upset to the child.

[pinktwink]

lozzy I would urge you to take appropriate action now. Too often children are left in harmful situations because society either doesnt act or acts to slow. @this child deserves a safe secure and warm home where he is properly fed. As his parent you have a role in ensuring that. Non offending parents who satnd by whilst a child is neglected are as hurtful to a child who expects to be rescued.
good luck

[Ice.Maiden]

Pink has a good point of course. That's why some of these situations are so difficult. Of course something needs to be done fairly quickly if you believe that you have good reason to worry, but I've also spoken to youngsters who were looking forlorn because their parents'd left them at nursery all day.
I totally agree that the child must come first. If you suspect that neglect is really happening, then all the above suggestions might be worth a try. All I'm saying is, that if the situation WASN'T to be quite as you're seeing it, then removing the child from his mum could cause more damage than a little, however good your intent. It'd also more than likely damage relations between your son and the child's mother, making access more difficult or unpleasant. However, you know more about this situation than we do, and, again as pink's just said, sometimes people leave things too late. Perhaps a Child Welfare Officer might be given the facts as you know them to be, and then hope that the professionals can sort something out.

[lozzylou]

thanks for all your answers. the childs mom has been spoken to by my partner, she went crazy and started shouting lots of abuse at him sayin she looks sfter her son well etc etc. he has voiced his concerns and told her that he is worried about his son. she said she has been under a lot of stress and cant cope at times. he said you only have to ring when he is being a bit of a handfull and i would take him off your hands for a few hours.
he has spoken to the school who have said that he has changed and has becone a very sad child. apparently they have spoken to his mom about this but she wont admit it. they have agreed to keep an eye on things and report any changes in him.
we have agreed to have him every fri and sat nite rathr than every other sat nite and see if getting him away from home has a better effect on him. this way he will get the attention a child of his age needs. if things dont improve and he still says he is unhappy then we will take it to s.services. hopefully now she is aware of it things may chage

[sheila17456]

i would'nt let him go home