Dad nervous about a second child

[Mrs.wchopper]

Hi, some advice please, my husband and I have a beautiful daughter who will be 2 in April. I will be 35 this year and really keen to have a second baby soon (although it took me a few months to realise that I was now ready). The problem is my husband (who is brilliant with our daughter) says he also wants a second child but when it gets to the right time in my cycle he gets really nervous and says his heart says he wants another baby but his head says no - I think mainly to do with the thought of sleepless nights again.
How can I convince him it won't be as bad as he thinks?

[sara3]

I don't think you should be trying to persuade him. all children come with a degree of stress, and if he's not ready for that.. he's just not ready. you're 35, and the clock isn't ticking yet.

if you talk him round and it puts stress on your otherwise happy family life, he may just blame you.

[redcrx]

crikey, are you telling him when the right time of your cycle is? my fella wouldnt have a clue!

you cant force him, youre only option is to just get on with life with one child and see if you fall pregnant again. Dont go jumping on him when the time is right and forcing him into it.

And you cant blame him not wanting to go back to sleepless nights, thats the worst bit :)

[annie0000]

I don't think you necessary need a conversation to persuad him, I think you need a conversation to see if he actually does want another child and if so, when. I think that, for some people, as life with their child becomes a bit less physically demanding, they are relucatant to go back and do that all again. For others, they like to get one completely independant and off to school before they feel able to cope. We decided to have ours really close together as we suspected that having got one through the early stages we wouldn't want to go back and do it again.

If you are serious about wanting a second child, you need to establish whether waiting means it is less likely or more likely to happen.

As regards your age, you are still young enough to wait if that is what you decide, you said yourself, it took you a few months to realise that you were ready - does he just need more time.

Maybe you need to write a list of pros and cons of having a 2nd child and see whether the pros outweigh the cons.

[Mrs.wchopper]

Thanks folks for all your advice, I really appreciate your help. I suppose I should just wait and see what happens and count my blessings with the daughter we have.

[tigwig]

I think most men feel like that if they 'have to perform' at certain times! If I were you I'd keep the fertile times to yourself and just have regular sex with a few extra sessions around the right time without him realising!