Is it unfair to not invite children to our wedding?

[missy1981]

Am getting married next year in June... There are limited spaces for the ceremony and afternoon catering.... out of 50 guests, there are 12 children.. 6 of them are toddlers, the rest between the ages of 7-15... And they are all on my side.... due to this, my fiance has had to cut his guest list dramatically.. .. Not saying i dont want no children at all, but would it be unfair to maybe not invite the under 12's to the day???? but have no problem with them being there at the evening reception.... some feedback would be much appreciated.... thankyou xxx

[mrs_overall]

It's your wedding so you can call the shots.

From experience I know that long term family rifts can be caused by this problem. At the last wedding in our family there was a "no children" policy, but the three bridesmaids were all under the age of 7 and there was much muttering and complaining from the guests who had children.

If you put an age restriction on the invites, you will still get guests who will be unhappy and may (as I have seen lots of times) boycott your wedding altogether.

Good luck.

[redcrx]

if i was invited to a wedding and couldnt take my children id have to find a babysitter for a whole day, not always easy.
You may find that some friends wont come because of that.
But the fact that my children werent invited to a wedding would not mean that i would just refuse the invite and be upset.

[missy1981]

The wedding isnt until the 2pm.... the reception would be starting about 7.30pm ish, so its not the whole day, just for a few hours... Am planning to send the invites out 6 months before the wedding to give plenty of notice.. is that a good enough time? xx

[EmEd1984]

I've been to weddings before when kids weren't invited, and like you say it was because of lack of space. I agree with redcrx though, some people may have to decline but not out of spite (i don't think anyway)

[4getmenot]

You may find people wont turn up because they cant get a sitter. I agree with red.

[redcrx]

a sitter for an evening when kids are generally asleep in bed is easier to come by than a sitter who's prepared to look after kids during the day.
But dont let it put you off, its your wedding!

[EmEd1984]

i had 70 at mine, and we invited kids purely so it'd bulk my side up a bit!! my husband's got a huge family, and didn't invite most of his 25 cousins (which each have a couple of kids and a partner) but I invited all of my cousins (because there's only 2 plus a partner and no kids).
whats your relationship to the parents of the 12 children? you've got a very strict number to work with but i know you don't want to cause offence as well so it is awkward!

[Nannyjill]

How many of the under 12's also have siblings over 12? I think that is where you are likely to get problems. My son is getting married later this year and they have said no children which has upset 2 of my daughters as they both have children.

Difficult one but I'm sure most people will make an effort and 6 months is long enough to find a babysitter. I know some of the guests who will be attending my son's wedding have got together and are having 2 babysitters between a few children but they are all closely related.

[Ice.Maiden]

Difficult one. I'd say that as it's your day, missy, you invite who you want. You might not have everyone turn up, for whatever reason, but at least you'll know that you sent out invitations to those you really wanted there.
However, we went to a wedding some time long ago, where the bride-to-be'd insisted on no children attending, as she didn't want them running round and being noisy in the church. Some people were very offended by this, and refused to go. Later, when the bride became a mum herself, she realised with horror, how terrible her request must've sounded. A different case to yours, but unless you explain your reasons to your guests who have young ones, it could cause resentment.

[glenis]

at my wedding we too had a no children policy ,but we kept everyone happy by having the parents drop the kids off to the evening reception place where we had a kiddies entertainer to amuse them for a few hours whilst the adults enjoyed the wedding and sit down meal and met up with the kids later

[Ice.Maiden]

I agree with you Steve, but you can't stop young ones from getting bored, and perhaps crying - or shouting out to their relatives/pals! If children aren't welcome, for whatever reason, then glenis put forward a good idea, but I personally think that if you love children, then you keep them with you, whether it's for a marriage ceremony or not.

[bubbles4920]

my friend had her wedding ceremony spoilt by a baby crying almost constantly in the congregation, the parent didnt even think to take it outside. when you watch the wedding video you can hardly hear any of the vows.

[katiecarol]

who's day is it?
who's paying for it?
you two do it your way!!!