Gay Brother

[daddyg]

This is not a joke question like those that have been up lately but a really serious one. I have just found out that my 19 year old brother is gay. I have not yet spoken to him as it was my Mum that told me and I am working away and will not be at home until next week. Although I had suspected for a while I'm now not sure what to do now that he's come out with it. Unfortunately we couldn't be more different - I am your stereotypical lager lout really who is loud and brash and known by everyone whereas he is a quiet, sensitive lad with a tightknit group of friends. We get on well enough but don't have much in common as I'm also 13 years older than him. I'm just really worried about upsetting him or putting my foot in it which I have a habit of doing. I am just wanting him to know that I don't really care as long as he is happy but I don't know how to approach him. I thought I could treat him normally but as I always greet both my brothers with the shout Homo! (yes, really and I know how bad that sounds now) I think he may not be too happy. I don't know. Also it turns out he has a man who is 29. I don't want to wade in but that seems alot older for your first boyfriend? Anyway I would really appreciate some help as I know I'll end up saying or doing something wrong and alienating him which is the last thing I want to do as I also forgot to mention he is moving to live in a different city next month so I'll see even less of him.

[georgit79]

daddyg, I would just phone or go and see your brother and tell him everything that you've just posted here. He will understand that it is hard for you to take in, and he'll just be relieved that you still want to be there for him.  As for the 'Homo!' greeting, my brothers are exactly the same, and they have no problem with homosexuality.

As for the age difference between your brother and his partner, I agree that 10 years is quite a big gap, but don't wade in and judge at this stage. Just sort out your relationship with your brother first. Let him know that you understand, that it'll take a bit of getting used to, but that you love him. 

Good luck, it'll be fine.

[FP]

I was just about to post almost exactly what Georgit has replied.  If you tell him exactly what you have posted to us, he will realise what a caring, nice brother he has and be happy he has your support.

 

If you feel it would be difficult to actually tell him face to face, then write to him.

 

 

 

[Bohne]

I think you should stop worrying too much about him.

Maybe you, as the older brother feel that you need to protect him in some way, but he is an adult and needs to live his own life.

If you can manage to tell him, what you wrote here, I think that would be a good thing. If you can't however, I would simply try and treat him as much to what you did in the past, as possible.

He was probably as worried about finally coming out with it, as you are now of approaching him. So I am sure he will understand that you are unsure about your behaviour right now. But if the most important thing for you really is his happyness, than just live by it, and I am sure, everything will be just fine!

 

[Octavius]

Daddyg, firstly I think your brother will be more scared of you than you for offending him.  It must have taken a lot of courage for him to come out.  He won't expect you to change from being a lager lout, but he will appreciate you telling him exactly what you have said.  Perhaps you should avoid the bit about the older boyfriend, or perhaps you could suggest meeting him with your brother - it might change your mind.  If you open up to him and let him know that you DO care about him but his lifestyle won't affect the way you treat him, then you may see a lot more of each other regardless where you live.  All the best.

[CarolG]

daddyg, i agree with what everone else has said. i also think that you should carry on the same and you usually would even if that means greeting him with "homo"! he'll probably be releived that you're acting no differently as are still joking and messing about with him.

[georgit79]

I completely agree with CarolG.

And remember: as others have said, your brother will be just as nervous, if not more, as you are. It took a lot of guts for him to come out.

[cheyenne]

i agree with carolG ,just carry on as normal call him what you normally call him,and give him a big hug.

[FP]

I really agree with you Vinny.  A big hug is a great idea and can say so much more than words.

[ID]

It will be hard for you to look at him in the same way you have done in the past, but you will get past that and become very close also you will learn to accept it. It isnt rare this day and age to be Gay. I think he will be very nervous at the thought of seeing you after he has come out about his sexuallity, so the best thing you can do is act as if you have accepted it and its ok even if you dont feel that way , then he will be willing to listen to your concerns about his older boyfriend. ask people who have experienced these kind of issues as well, the ICEMANSAV topic is very informative and worth taking a look at because the views some homosexual people have put on that topic. Some very good answers on there to

[ICEMANSAV]

The ICeMAN topic just to point out the difference!

[Jamie Lewis]

Why do anything different to how you treated him before. You said yourself that you're not bothered that he's gay so just be exactly the same.

[daddyg]

You are all ace. Thank you all. I feel much better about seeing him now and hopefully everything will be fine.Thankyou.