help

[sadmama]

I have a 15 soon tobe 16 yearold daughter who has started drinking and hanging around with kids from her year in school. She is doing well in her subjects and keeps telling me that she is not influenced in the slightest by her peers.I,m afraid i beg to differ, she has a family who love and care for her she has her own horse she adores she gets when she needs and she confindes in me. I,m puzzled by her behaviour.She was scouted by a top agency in the summer of last year and all of a sudden her school mates started inviting her out with them.When before they never bothered.I have discussed this with her and she agrees but continues to rebel.I have been very patient with her since summer and together we have set out bounderies but behind my back she continues to break them all.I,m lost as to do what next.

[ChocolatChip]

Hmmm, in a way, a lot of this seems like the teenage years to me. Despite the angst from the government about teenage drinking, i don't think any teenager has never had a sip at a party or whatnot. Teenagers are always unapprieciative and apathetic. You cannot tell her what to do, as she will do the opposite and always believe that she is right, she needs to learn this on her own. Just be there for her if any problems arrive. And if things do get serious, you must talk to her as an adult, and maybe ground her if things get bad. However, you can never really stop teenage behaviour like this.

[Lil O'lady]

I share your anxiety, because teenage drinking today does not seem to be 'a sip' or even sharing a bottle of Bulmer's, which was the position a few years back. The kids are able to access very potent drinks and it is 'cool' to be seen consuming them. What was tiddly and giggly once is now quite frequently seriously drunk and incapable. Then the consequences of this kick in, and this is more dangerous for kids - as a parent, try going on a social networking website used by kids such as Piczo or Bebo and just see the material posted.
A couple of thoughts: you say your daughter has been doing well at school. Is she seeking dodgy friends so as not to be seen as a nerd - the namecalling in schools will include Ugly Betty and a host of hurtful names and phrases aimed at girls who succeed. She may need supporting in finding confidence to be able to mix with people but not drink - to have confidence in getting out of social situations as well as falling in with them.
Also, is there any mileage in having social events - controlled, with focus and limits - at your own house, so you have control and overview of what's going on. eg a clothes swop, where girls bring their unwanted clothes / shoes / handbags, play dress up and agree on exchanges.
It's a scary time, but hopefully you'll both come through. My daughter became human again at seveteen, and no lasting damage. Good luck.

[tamborine]

When she's with her friends socially you turn up and embarrass her with a good dressing-down; that'll sort her, and her friends wont want her around!

[Suetheramble]

Am going through the same with my daughter at the moment,done all the bounderies stuff (she is 16) I have now set times she must be in otherwise I go and get her and her. She is not to happy with this and her friends slag me off to her about it but I am not having my daughter hanging around street at 1.00 in the morning. I take her to school in the morning - to make sure she is there! In short people say give her freedom others say she is trying to control situations - I really do not know how to react correctly. What seems to work best is yes you can go out providing I know where, she must be in by 11.00 school days, 12.00 weekends any unforeseen delays she must phone if she doesnt the phone is taken ( also the threat of taking away computer use works). If she does not answer the phone then go and get her - phone her mates up and pester her.
To conclude I would say she acts under instruction of her friends - who parents are happy for them to sit in the street at 3.00 in the morning being sick ( I have sadly found them like this) I am the only parent who is concerned how she gets home or that being in this condition on the street is not safe.I feel it is me against her friends who have label me the one who tries to stop daughter ghaving fun.
Good Luck you are not alone.

[Suetheramble]

PS It does make me very sad also

[sadmama]

Thank you so much for the replies to my worry about my 15 soon to be 16 year old daughter.Its nice to know im not alone.I will definately put into practice some of the suggestions and hopefully they will work.