step daughter!!!

[onlyme26]

i must admit i have wrote a few posts on here for advise about my step daughter, the last was the lack of bond between us,

anyway i took advice and tried to make the effort! tho i wish i never bothered now!!!
i asked her if she would like to go out, maybe the cinema then a meal, she replys no thanks, so i left it at that, then the next time she came round i said i was going into town and offered her to come to which she replys no thanks again! anyway i went to town none the less as i needed a few bits, my daughter was at a friends party and came back just as i was leaving, she wanted to come, so i asked my step daughter once again before i left and she once again said no thanks anyway me and my daughter went to town, bought a few bits, and i took her to the sweet shop and i thought it would be nice to bring somehting back for my step daughter, but when i got back she just said "i dont like them"
anyway whatever maybe ill just accept the fact that we have nothing in common and carry on as normal, i mean we get along, there just isnt a great bond there.
but then to my suprise she had gone back to "nannys house" and told her a load of bull sh*t! i couldnt believe my ears!!! she said i had taken my daughter out and said she wasnt allowed to come!!!! she said i bought my daughter bags full of toys and brought her nothing back!!!!
but of course she cant put a foot wrong and im always the bad guy in that family! so nothing ever gets done about it, i mean me and my partner have caught her out telling little lies but that was just cruel!!!! she just doesnt like me and i dont think she ever will, the problem is, she is the clear favourite in my partners family, they have hardly ever bothered with my daughter, we have just learned to accept this as nothing ever seems to change, but i think she doesnt like me coz i dont favourite her! but i dont and i never will!!! makes me wonder what other lies she has been telling :o(
now

[onlyme26]

now what? do i just accept things and carry on, no point trying to bond with someone who clearly isnt interested?

[angel21]

What an ungrateful little cow!

Does your partner support you when you tell him whats been happening?

I think your partner should be putting people in the family right in this matter.

[onlyme26]

believe me my partner has had endless chats with his mother about this, but she doesnt wanna listen!
my step daughter is her little angel nothing withh ever change that, i mean she has spend 7 years neglecting the fact that she has another grand child, my partner has had words about that, but she just doesnt listen!

i overhear her on the phone to her mum and she makes up stories all the time,
i think my partner has given up telling him mum about it as she never listens,
i always seem to be the one in the wrong tho, his family always think i leave her out! im the only one trying!!!!!
plus they are so hypicritical as they have left out my daughter all her life, why do grandparents only bother with the first?? i hate to admit it but my mum and dad are the same, they only really bother with my nephew, my daughter just doesnt have a great set of grandparents, such a shame!!!

[angel21]

I think you should carry on being the adult and also don't be afraid to tell her off. If you go shopping next time ask her if she wants to come along and if she says no just go without her and don't bring her anything back this time. How long have you been with her dad - is she still trying to get used to you - is she jealous of the relationship with your daughter and her father? How old is she?

[onlyme26]

she is 11, i have been with her dad 9 years! crazy isnt it, we have always gotten along, just never bonded that well,

my daughter is 7,
im sick of wasting tears over ,my partners family, they just simply dont like me, they resent me for having a child!
i came along and changed everything, they didnt like this, i think the fact that me and my partner live together with our daughter just gets their backs up, we dont leave out his eldest we have her each week for 1-2 nights
i just honestly think that they resent me for having a child, they dont want to share the attention between 2, its all pretty stupid if you ask me, but like i said i have learned to live with this, i just get on with things, but now she is approaching a certain age i thought it be nice for us to get closer, i mean she may need to talk about stuff etc, tho im probabilly the last she would talk to !!!!!

[angel21]

Yes that is crazy - they should have accepted you by now!! It's all very petty on their part by the sound of it!

It sounds like you are doing the best you can and this is what you need to keep doing. Remember you are the adult here and she is the child and she is certainly acting like one and so is the rest of your partners family. I think you should just treat her as you would your own daughter - be nice if she is nice to you - tell her off when things are not acceptable. Sooner or later this girl is going to have to grow up and the family are going to have to accept you. Don't let it drive you away. It sounds like you are doing a great job and as long as your partner is supporting you **** the rest of them xxx

[brenda]

I really feel for you.you seem to be in a no win situation,which is not of your own making.
It is pretty well impossible to change the attitudes of people, especially if they are adults.

you can only do as you are doing , keeping your dignity and your patience with everyone.

Ensure that your partner is kept up to speed on things as they happen,without if you can being too emotional.
It seems that sometimes from my own experience that partners don't cope with emotion too well, and the hassle families can cause.
Try if you can to focus on all the good things you have, and not let this cloud get in the way.
Focus on yourself as well , have some special "me time"
even if its only something simple like a soak in the bath , or 10 minswith a coffee and a magazine.
Accept if you can that there are always situations that you cannot win , however hard you try, and maybe, just maybe this is one of them. Asothers have said if you treat the children in an equal way ,then you are beyond reproach by anyone.
The sincerest of good luck.

[angel21]

Yes Brenda has put what I was trying to find the words very nicely

[pinktwink]

have you thought of asking her what she would like to do as opposed to you sugggesting activities you think she may like. You must ensure she does not let it see it bothers you. She may never like th efact you are with her dad but that is seperate to you as a person. If she detects your vibes she may feel you too do not like her and it becomes a vicious cycle

[onlyme26]

to be honest i see your point but she was just turning 2 when i met her dad, she has grown up with me always being there, she doesnt remember any different and like i said we have always gotten along, she loves going the pictures and out for meals, she doesnt have a problem with me being with her dad as she has never known any different.
to be honest its not just me, she is very distant from her dad aswell, he also tried to take her out last week and she also declined,
i think some children just grow up with a great amount of resentment and not just in split up families,

i grew up with my mum and dad and 2 older sisters, well i have never got along with the middle sister, my mum says she just never accepted the fact that i was born, never wanted me around! she used to pick on me something rotten as a child,
me and my partner have tried to include her in everything we do but with little interest from her, i feel like as she gets older she gets more distant especially from me, but i like i said before she wants to be the favourite full stop, she wont except an equal place next to my daughter, what can we possibly do about that?