What to do???

[lil75]

A friend of mine has a daughter aged 10, the problem my friend is having is that her daughters father (her partner) commited suicide for very personal reasons 4 years ago when there child was just 6...the bond between him and his daughter was very strong, and the little girl was and still is heartbroken, my friend told me that she didnt tell her that he had taken his own life, but told her that he wasnt well and died....however we were talking today and she told me how there daughter keeps asking things about him, like, why did he die, what was wrong with him etc, also my friend has been called into the school as they have said the little girl is becoming withdrawn and another child said to her the other day your dads dead!!! she is only 10 but she went for this kid and clawed at him quite viciously by the sounds of it, also the school have said that the other day when she was supposed to be doing her work, she wrote all over a peice of paper, I miss my dad, i love my dad, where is my dad...it is an awful scenario, and I suggested my friend gets her some sort of counseling, but where do you go for it, and would it help her, or stir up all sorts of emotions? Also my friend is afraid of telling the child the truth...what is the best thing to do, any comments would be very helpful...thanks

[Eve]

Oh the poor little thing, must be awful for your friend as well.

My gut reaction is to be honest but even not having a child myself I can't comprehend how you would explain that to such a young child.

I guess you also don't know how much the child has picked up on and what others may have said to her, be in right, wrong, rumour, exaggeration...

How about specialist grief counselling services, they may be able to recommend someone who specialises in working with children, especially when there have been difficult circumstances surrounding the death.

They may be able to help her through how best to deal with it with her daughter, preparing for it, telling her, dealing with things afterwards etc... and support her and give her any help that she may need.

They may even be able to do different types of therapy such as eother of or both of them together.

There may also be support groups or be able to put them in touch with people who have gone through similar things for understanding and further support.

It would at least teach the little girl that reaching out for help is not a bad thing and giving her the foundation of knowing there is always help out there is ever she needs it in the future as well.

x

[Eve]

I just googled "grief counselling children" and a load of stuff came up which looked quite good and might be somethng to start with x

[Eve]

This is a really good link...

http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/0-9/ 4health/body/dad_childgrief.html#help

Also has a bit about dealing with suicide and some contact details for groups who deal specifically with bereavement in children.

[Eve]

A more specific link...

http://www.winstonswish.org.uk/page.asp?sectio n=0001000100020025&pagetitle=Bereavement+throu gh+suicide

[mamatwo]

Really feel for all of you. Maybe her Mum could explain to her now about the suicide (he was ill, explain about depression etc being a different type of illness to one that has physical symptoms), as she is now older she will be able to understand more.

Because she is asking she wants and needs to know.

My friend committed suicide three years ago leaving three kids (youngest 12). They went to indicidual counselling and also as a family and found it really helped them.

xx

[ummmm]

The waiting list for them Jenna is huge.

She might be wise to get the school to phone social services. My son's behaviour at school got really bad after my Uncle and Dad died in a short space of time. They asked my permission to phone them saying if a referral comes from the school it will be dealt with straight away. He now has counselling once a week and although there was never any concerns about my younger son they have arranged art therapy for him.

[ummmm]

Oh, they will also arrange counselling for the mother as well.

[tazmac25]

You can also get referrals from GPs for counselling

Good luck to them both and I hope they get the help they both need

xx

[lil75]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and help, im going to print this off and all the links and give them to her, also I think its best that the little girl knows the truth, after reading some of the links, and the advice on them are brilliant and also theres a help number which is fantastic, thanks again fellow abers x