Families...

[CAJ1]

I've posted on here before about not knowing where my parents or sister have been for the last 10years due to me being fostered and them moving away without telling me. Its been months since I've heard from either of them despite trying to get in contact. I recently found my sister on facebook and she added me as a friend, I was overjoyed and had visions of us meeting up etc. I have since sent her 2 emails with no response. I have spent the last few weeks feeling incredibly hurt and wishing I hadn't spent the last 10 years searching for her and worrying. I've also posted on here previously about my brother and foster mum not really bothering with me too. I am tired of being repeatedly hurt when all I want is a bit of a family. I need to move on and look at the people around me who do care. I just don't know how I go about moving on and putting them out of my mind? Am I doing the right thing?

[CAJ1]

The *Its been months since I've heard from either of them despite trying to get in contact* refers to my brother and foster mum, not sure how that ended up there!

[Sachs]

Hi caj1 x
that's heartbreaking! Your sister has your email, so she knows how to contact you, leave that option open to her. At the same time though Caj1, perhaps you should now move on. I feel for you I really do! It's the feeling of rejection that causes the hurt. I'm no longer in touch with my sister although she's not far away from me. I made a decision for the sake of my sanity to move on as it was making me ill. This is the way 'I' coped. xxx

[CAJ1]

Hi Sachs x
In the last email I sent her I just put I understood that she may have her own life now but I would always have that email address if she needed me. Its horrible feeling so hurt, I don't want to repeatedly feel like this so the best solution seems to be to move on, its just hard not to eventually think about them and try to contact them again with the same consequences! I guess I've learnt now that its no good for me. Sorry to hear you have similar circumstances xx

[Sachs]

Caj1,
really is the best thing you can do. They know you want contact, the ball is in their court. Personally, I can't tell you how ill it made me! Do yourself a very big favour CAJ1 & think of 'you & yours' & I really hope you find some inner peace & can be happy again xxx

[lil75]

CAJ1, what a horrible thing to do to you, adding you as a friend and ignoring emails...if it were me, I would havetobe blunt and ask her why? If she doesnt answer, dont delete her as a friend, she may come round to evntually talking to you. I dont know why but im thinking its something to do with your parents, to have you fostered and not your sister leaves a lot to be answered for and im guessing they dont want to face up to there actions that they did in the past. I cant imagine how you must feel, but my heart goes out to you, if ever you need to talk you know there are always people on here that are willing to listen and help x

[CAJ1]

I'm going to try my hardest sachs! I don't want my whole life ruined by this

Thanks lil75. Thats what I couldn't understand why she had added me as a friend if she had no intention of talking to me. She is 19 now and old enough to decide for herself whether she wants to speak to me. I've no idea what my parents told her when I was fostered but maybe they weren't nice about me and she believed them. I came round to thinking that I didn't want to know my parents if they were the type of people to do what they did but I always loved my little sister. I had dreams of a happy reunion, I guess things don't work out that way in reality! x

[ummmm]

How old were you when you got fostered?

[CAJ1]

14 ummmm

[ummmm]

And did your parents give you a reason?

How old was your sister at the time?

[CAJ1]

My dad drank and hit my mum. I stood up for my mum and he hit me and kicked me out. I went back and he wouldn't let me in, he stood in the window with his middle finger up at me. I spent 2 weeks in January sleeping rough until the police picked me up and took me home where my dad stood and said he didn't want me. I got taken to a police station and then fostered (thats the short version!) I son't blame my mum, she was scared of him.

My sister was 9 when I left

[ummmm]

Gosh...thats harsh. My heart goes out to you x

Is your Mum still with your Dad?

I know it's easy to say move on but personally I think you might need some closure. I think if you know what your sister was told about you then you could deal with. Not knowing plays on your mind.

Can you not just make everyday comments to what she posts on FB and see if she replies there?

[CAJ1]

Thanks ummm, you can see why I'm not so fussed about being in contact with them now. I don't know if my mum is still with him as they moved away and I haven't known where they have been for 10 years, this is the first glimpse of hope I have had! If I was to guess I would say she probably is still with him.

You're right, closure would be good. She has been on facebook once since adding me as a friend and then nothing after that. I don't want to bombard her and have her fed up with me.

[lil75]

Wow CAJ1, ive just read what went on, that is a terrible thing for a child to have to deal with, let alone an adult as you are now. By what you have said im assuming that your mum is not strong minded at all and that your father rules the roost, something I dont understand and probably not you as im strong minded as probably you are after what you have had to cope with...which is probably making it harder for you to understand why she let him do what he did. Are you sure your sister uses facebook alot? My sister is on it and she rarely goes on there, so it may be a case that she hasnt seen your msgs yet? Either way, as someone else has said, you do need some closure and you should and are entitled to say what you want to say, maybe she feels guilty towards you and doesnt know what to say? I dont know, just trying to help you with suggestions......big hugs coming ur way! xxx

[CAJ1]

They were big hugs thanks! :o)

It was hard and it took a long time for me to get myself back on my feet. I did it though and have a lovely boyfriend who makes me feel very loved. My mum was with him from 16, pregnant at 17 and then everytime my dad thought neighbours were getting "nosy" (concerned) he would uproot us and move so she doesn't really have any good friends to turn to. Her parents are dead and she has no brothers or sisters so I guess she only has him. I went on the my sisters info page and found an email address for her and emailed her on that too but maybe you're right and she doesn't go on the computer much.

Thanks for all being so lovely and for the helpful comments xx

[ummmm]

CAJ....I don't use the email address I signed up to facebook with so maybe she does the same. Have you tried sending her a private message on FB or posting something little on her wall?

Also...I nearly always appear off line..

[CAJ1]

Yes I've tried sending her a private message on facebook. Its her birthday soon so I will leave a happy birthday message too and see if she replys.

[zzxxee]

hi caj1 i really feel for you love
you dont say if you have a partner of your own or children??

[CAJ1]

Hi zzxxee,

I have my boyfriend who I have been with for nearly 3 years. I don't have any children (yet!). I think when I do have them it will feel like I have a family again.

[TheEqualizer]

Hi lovely Caj

I saw your post to me on zzxxee's thread........thanks sweetheart.......am just about to leave Rome and fly on to mallorca but wanted to get this message out to you.

I hope you are well..........you ARE one of my favourites and i always wish you the very best and look forward to speaking to you soon.

take care, my lovely..........i send you lots of love

your friend and pain in the behind, yogi xxx

:0)

[CAJ1]

Hi yogi,

Its made my day getting a message from you! I thought you may have already left by the time I posted my message hence it just being a quick, short note. I am ok, just having a wee blip in life but sure, we all get them at one point or another and always come back up, mainly with the kindness of strangers on here!

I'll keep an eye out as I have been for you coming back and we'll have a good chat. I'm sure your gigging must be coming to an end so enjoy the rest of it and look forward to coming back here to rain and belgian chocolate waffles! Have a safe journey

Lots of love xxx