HELP PLEEEAAASE!!!! whats the norm etiquette for parents to meet prospective in-laws

[fretter]

Hi, im in a bit of a dilema!!! my partner and i are due to get married next saturday but my parents have never met my fiances mother and father, we have tried to sort a couple of meetings recently but my mum works in a hospital and her hours of work verge on the ridiculous so this has caused problems, we were set for a meet the parents weekend last week but my prospective mother-in-law had flu and we had to cancel.
My mum and dad phoned me last night and to say that they wasnt impressed is putiing it mildly, we had a blazing row!!! my mother said that it was a farce and that i couldnt expect her to turn up at the reception and sit with my future in-laws and pretend that everything is ok, she also asked if i was ashamed of her and my dad and was that the reason they hadnt met!!
I realise that maybe this should have been sorted out by myself earlier, but my partner and i have been under huge amounts of stress sorting our wedding out and we really havent had a minute to ourselves, i couldnt keep asking the in-laws to drop their plans just because my mum had a free night to meet!!
My partners parents dont seem to mind that they have never met my mum and dad and have never put any pressure on us to arrange for them to either.

Could i have some honest opinions from people please..... is it my fault? or are my parents being a bit too stressed out???

[ummmm]

Your parents are being a bit too stressed out.

[DEN53]

why have they never met your parents ? if you are getting married next week, its a bit short notice.

[cazzz1975]

well I think they are going a bit over the top, okay in an ideal world everyone would have met up ect, but that can still happen at the wedding, why the big deal about meeting them before hand?? If I hadnt met them I would meet them at the wedding and I would be fine with that. This is your day not theirs.

Its not fair that they will ruin you and your partners special day over something so trivial

[ummmm]

But it's not the parents getting married.

[kristy70]

I wouldn't worry about it. My parents didn't meet the in laws till my wedding day and there were no problems.

[cazzz1975]

same happened on my sisters wedding day, we met most of her husbands family on the day, it didnt detract whatsoever.

[kristy70]

If you can make sure there are other family members sitting with your parents and the in laws then they won't feel so awkward but I do think your mum is worrying unnecessarily.

[paross]

Don't worry. Show your mother this page and perhaps then she'll realise that she's upsetting you unnecessarily.
Most couples parents rarely come into contact with each other anyway, even after marriage. Why should they.

[brenda]

Think Mother is over reacting -- this is your day . In an ideal world things may be different , but it isn't an ideal world.Tell her to calm down dear -- it's only a wedding.!!!!!!

[tamborine]

best keep inlaws/outlaws separate.....the less they know of each other the more civil they will have to be. 'Familiarity breeds contempt' ..... as strangers there is less likely to be a bun fight.

Plenty of time, after marriage, for them to become acquainted.

[Canary42]

Your mother should have more respect for your partner - she's behaving very badly IMO, not doing you any favours either - she should be more supportive.

And it's certainly not your fault.

Your parents sound like control-freaks to me.

[suzie1]

the norm is to introduce the parents as soon as you think your very serious about your man and you will be getting married, ur mum is right to be annoyed...i would be to..it is your fault, it shows how much respect you have for your parents zilch!!!!!they brought u up and this is how you treat them, shame on you girl

[Bobbisox]

It's your day fretter, tell your Mum how difficult this has been and indeed, you are proud of them and want them there on your big day, without them you wouldn't feel whole, like part of you is missing, I am sure things will work their way out
Good Luck
Bobbi x

[society]

I think your mum should have made the extra effort to accommodate meeting your future in-laws. I understand her job is necessary and important, but, it appears to me like she wasn't keen on meeting the in-laws.

LOL @ Paross and Tamborine

[fretter]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to post your views, the majority of comments have confirmed my initial felling too, its my parents fault if they want to be all childish about this its their problem!!, its our wedding day, i think they are just stressed and maybe feeling a bit left out, i am the groom by the way , so Suzie1, you should have said "shame on you boy"!!!! and no doubt that you are probly the same prehistoric age as my parents too :)

[suzie1]

redhelen, it shows how much dicipline you have!!!! parents should be included in these things right from the start, thats my opinion anyway...fretter apologies for calling you girl. shame on you boy!!!!! lol just kidding, anyway hope it all goes well for you you love this girl and you should be happy, regardless of waht anyone, including your parents think...good luck and be happy, lifes to short for these political outbursts from your parents...childish gits

[suzie1]

im actually only 29

[alexanderd]

When I got married I was in the RAF and my soon to be wife lived at the other end of the country, the in_laws met each other the day before the wedding, no problem. Enjoy your day it is YOUR DAY not theirs