Decision I cant even start to think about!

[wiggal]

Hey all,

Right, to start with my mu and stepdad are looking to have to move out of their home (which I know is happening to alot of people!) as my stepdad lost his job 18 months ago and not yet been able to get another (he is 60).

We have been skint recently but now Mr Wiggal is working again things will soon be picking up for us which is a relief as we were weeks off loosing our house!

My mum and stepdad adore their home and not long ago had it done up which is unfortunately one of the reasons they are now struggling but they were always planning to stay in the house they have for the rest of their days!

Mr Wiggal last night suggested we give up the house we have, (he has lived here for 7 yrs) and alot of what we have, to move in with my mum and stepdad and pay them rent so they dont lose the house.

tbc....

[pericat]

That sounds like a very generous offer but think strongly before you do - how well do you get on with your mum and what about you having a house - it will not be easy to get back on the ladder again - it is a huge decision

[NoMercy]

Let's look at this from another point of view, Wiggal. Are you an only child?

[wiggal]

Him just suggesting this means alot, as it means losing alot of what we have and that he has worked for!

The thing is, which is what is doing me in and just making it so hard for me, is I would have to re home my pets :-( And I dont know what to do!

I want to do everything I can to help my mum and stepdad, but I adore my pets to pieces. Its not like we could take them with us or just ask someone to look after them wihile we were at theirs, because we have 7 cats and 2 dogs.
I cant stand the thought of mum having to move out of the home she absolutely adores and knowing we could of helped in some way, yet I cant even begin to think about rehoming all my pets.

I just dont know what to do or think or anything! And when I do think about it I get too upset :-(

[wiggal]

Hey peri and NM, I have posted some more :-(

We both get on fantastically well with my mum and stepdad, I would definitely have no problem with living with them again and I can honestly say Mr Wiggal wouldnt either!

We are currently not on the ladder as we rent (we have a lovely 3 bed semi!) with alot of nice stuff we have worked hard for but would have to sell off.

When Mr Wiggal is working, we are fine money wise, but he wasnt for 4 months and it was reallly tough, now he is again but wont be paid til end of Feb, we could offer to just help them with money each month but they would never ever accept that so this would be the only way we could help!

Hey NM, I am not an only child, I am the youngest of 3, Im 22, my sister 30 next week and my brother is 34. My sister and her wife are in no way able to help money wise as they barely get by themselves with having 3 kids, and my brother, I really dont think he knows the problems they are in although he does have a good job as deputy head of a secondary school!

[society]

Maybe you could have a meeting with your siblings speak to them concerning your parents financial situation and each of you put-up and help them out. Just a thought...

[wiggal]

To be honest, the fact that he even just suggested it to me is huge! He is 28 and it would mean moving away from his family, mum & younger sister and also his older sister, 21 month nephew and also has a neice/nephew due in April. We see them all atleast once a week for dinner or just films as they are all within 5 minutes of where we are now.

[NoMercy]

My train of thought was, if you were an only child, then you'd be paying into a house that would undoubtedly be yours one day.

If you are renting now, you and your partner are also paying your poll tax, utilities, water etc. If you were to move into your parents' and contribute towards the bills, you would be much better off financially and could possibly even save towards a deposit on your own home in the future. However, the pets do pose a problem. I would find it very difficult to rehome Alfie. Nay, I wouldn't even consider it. But we are all different. I'm no expert on these matter, so I wouldn't want to give you any advice. I just hope you make the right decision and wish you the very best of luck. xx

[wiggal]

Hey again NM, thanks for your reply!

Mr Wiggal did say that it would be a chance for us to start saving towards a house as we currently have no savings we could use. If it was just us, then no problem! I would be there like a shot, afterall he is prepared to sacrifice alot for my family! He is not anywhere near as much an animal person as me, he loves them, but nowhere like I do, and he undestands why I would have an issue with it and said that before he suggested it!

Heya society, that is not an option, as my sister couldnt help in anyway, and as far as I know my brother doesnt know and so I couldnt discuss it with him behind mums back!

[society]

NoMercy's idea is realistic and sounds good. We all love our pets, they are part of the family. What would you do if your landlord said you couldn't have pests? People come before the animals. Couldn't you give some away to pet lovers? Hopefully they'll live with loving 'parents' in good homes. This is a very big and important decision to make, I do hope in the end you your choice wouldn't leave you with regrets.

[karenmac60]

Everyone seems to be missing one important point - would your mum and stepdad want you moving in with them? While you all may get on very well, living together is a different matter, and many parents woulldn't be comfortable having a married adult child in their home with their partner - there are some things a parent doesn't want to acknowledge if you see what I mean. You may be worrying over nothing here as it may not even be an option as far as they are concerned.

[wiggal]

karen, I completely see where you are coming from. Although I call him Mr Wiggal we are not actually married (or even engaged!). We have been together nearly 6 yrs, and I call him Mr Wiggal on here as it is generally easier!

My mum and stepdad said when we where really struggling that we could always move into their house if needed (i.e if we did have to leave ours because we couldnt pay the rent) so they wouldnt have any problem with us moving in with them to help them out.

[NoMercy]

If it's an arrangement that is beneficial all round, then it's a no brainer. The only pitfall is having to rehome the animals.

[wolf63]

I would say - "don't do it".

Where would your parents move to if they gave up their house? Would moving out of the house solve any problems. If they owned it an were releasing equity it might have been a good move, but they would just have to find somewhere else to live.

I have a friend who moved his in-laws into his house and it worked initially but he now regrets the move.

If your step-dad is not working is he claiming any benefits? Have they considered claiming a rent rebate?

It is nice of your MrW to offer this option - but at what cost to you and MrW?

[wiggal]

Hey wolf,

I dont know where they would move if they had to sell up, they could always come and live with us if they wanted lol! although anyone who opts to come and live with our pets is mad.

They dont rent, they have bought they house and are paying a mortgage. They have already remortgaged, and released equity. They asked me and my sister and brother if we minded when they did! So now it really is down to selling the house because they have no other options!
My stepdad is on benefits, he has also applied for every job he possibly can do, and also after he lost his job he even spent a year training to be a plumber/gas engineer, but now he cant get any work through that.

At what cost to me and Mr W? Quite a cost, but then we are only young and can start again so to speak.

[Androcles]

Hi Wiggal, it is a bit of a dilemma for you. The one thing that would worry me is that if you move in with mum and dad and Mr W loses his job, then you might end up with a situation where you are all left with no home, given how close you wee when he was out of work.

You said your mum and dad took equity out of the house, but can now not afford to pay the mortgage as your dad is out of work. Do they have any equity left? Could they move to a smaller place? The fact that they asked the three kids if they minded them taking equity from the house implies that they expect it tobe shared between the kids when they die, so again, it outs you and Mr W in a difficult position in the long run, especially if dad is not able to get another job, you may then get stuck there to help them out for ever!

I don't know the answer, but I think you need to consider very carefully for these reasons before you make a decision.

Good Luck in it!

[Androcles]

Sorry - typing is awful these days, that should be " puts you and Mr W in a difficult position"

[wiggal]

Hey androcles,

You have a very good point there, baring in mind that I am being made redundant in the next couple of months. Unfortunately it is garaunteed as the company I work for has gone under, and I am one of very few staff who are still needed too finish off what needs to be done! I am confirmed to have a job til 28th Feb, and may then be told I am needed til the end of March, but do not yet know.

Mr Wiggals work can be pretty unreliable as he is a contractor, so when he is working, the money is great, but when he is not, it is well, non existant and there is no way we can get by on my salary (or what is my salary but not for much longer!).

[Panic Button]

If you move in with them, and it doesn't work out, what do you do then?

Deciding to move out again would mean you plunging them into crisis. You would be under enormous stress whatever you did.

Why not suggest they take in lodgers.

[Pottyone]

Yes. lodgers! You are allowed to rent a room out and not get taxed on it. I think you are allowed to get in the region of £4500 rent a year before you have to declare it. Does your mum work? Is that an option? Sorry if this has already been asked but all the answers are so long I have sort of speed read them! Could they rent their house out and rent somewhere smaller themselves for a bit? I also think you should have a family conference with your siblings, without your parents, just to discuss options, as you may find your brother is more helpful if he is put in the picture. The Citizens Advice Bureau also give free advice, which may be an idea for your parents, incase it comes to the worst, and its always best to speak to these people sooner rather than later. I had a friend go bankrupt and they were really helpful and supportive.

[Pottyone]

I don't think moving in is the answer, by the way.