ChatterBank2 mins ago
Problems with ex-wife
75 Answers
Hi there, here's something i'm struggling to figure out.
My ex wife left me for another man after she'd had a string of affairs whilst we were married. We've been apart for approx 8 months now and her new fella has moved in with her. I've also started a new relationship.
Now i see my kids every weekend (they live 100 miles away) and all three kids have said they want to live with me, not their mother. Even my ex has been forced to admit that the kids are happier and better behaved for me than they are for her. I have helped her with different aspects of discipline and rewards for the kids to make sure they get the best possible life.
So here's where the question comes in: She has recently started acting like my best mate, telling me all about her new relationship, phoning me whilst (she knew) I was on a night out with my new girlf to tell me she was having a miscarriage, telling me all about her new bloke crashing his car. Why? She slept with other men whilst I was deployed on operations with the military, and then left me for a meat-headed van-driver. Does she really think I care? Should I politely tell her to go forth and multiply, or just nod along blankly for the sake of peace and quiet? Or is there an ulterior motive here? Is she trying to hurt me by showing how great her life is now? Or, is this some form of attempt at reconcilliation?
Ideas or hints welcome. Thanks
My ex wife left me for another man after she'd had a string of affairs whilst we were married. We've been apart for approx 8 months now and her new fella has moved in with her. I've also started a new relationship.
Now i see my kids every weekend (they live 100 miles away) and all three kids have said they want to live with me, not their mother. Even my ex has been forced to admit that the kids are happier and better behaved for me than they are for her. I have helped her with different aspects of discipline and rewards for the kids to make sure they get the best possible life.
So here's where the question comes in: She has recently started acting like my best mate, telling me all about her new relationship, phoning me whilst (she knew) I was on a night out with my new girlf to tell me she was having a miscarriage, telling me all about her new bloke crashing his car. Why? She slept with other men whilst I was deployed on operations with the military, and then left me for a meat-headed van-driver. Does she really think I care? Should I politely tell her to go forth and multiply, or just nod along blankly for the sake of peace and quiet? Or is there an ulterior motive here? Is she trying to hurt me by showing how great her life is now? Or, is this some form of attempt at reconcilliation?
Ideas or hints welcome. Thanks
Answers
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Putting myself in your ex's shoes, the reasons I would be ringing you are:
1. I am regretting my decision as I have realised that when the chips are down (i.e. miscarriage) my new man isn't as supportive etc as you were.
2. I want you to realise how unhappy I am so that you feel sorry for me and don't take my kids away from me.
3. I am lonely in my new home (assuming she is the one that moved) and I haven't made many friends and you are easy to talk to.
4. I don't want you but I don't want anyone else having you either.
Regardless of which it is, they are all selfish reasons, so unless you think it might be number 1 and you wish you were still with her too, I would try not to answer the phone to her very often, especially if she rings when you are you with your girlfriend. If the phone rings, let her leave you a message or cut her off then follow with a text saying 'I can't answer my phone right now, please text back if it is urgent and about the kids, otherwise I will call you tomorrow'. Alternatively, if your girlfriend is up for this, let your girlfriend aanswer and say 'sorry he is in the bath'. Above all else, put your girlfriend before her. My partner had an extremely bitter ex, esp given she was the one who had affairs etc and my partner constantly bowed to her for a quiet life. You need to nip this in the bud otherwise it could go on forever. We have only just got rid if the ex and it has been 8 years of hell! By the way, I may have put myself in your ex's shoes, but that doesn't mean I am the sort of person that would do any of the above numbers!!
1. I am regretting my decision as I have realised that when the chips are down (i.e. miscarriage) my new man isn't as supportive etc as you were.
2. I want you to realise how unhappy I am so that you feel sorry for me and don't take my kids away from me.
3. I am lonely in my new home (assuming she is the one that moved) and I haven't made many friends and you are easy to talk to.
4. I don't want you but I don't want anyone else having you either.
Regardless of which it is, they are all selfish reasons, so unless you think it might be number 1 and you wish you were still with her too, I would try not to answer the phone to her very often, especially if she rings when you are you with your girlfriend. If the phone rings, let her leave you a message or cut her off then follow with a text saying 'I can't answer my phone right now, please text back if it is urgent and about the kids, otherwise I will call you tomorrow'. Alternatively, if your girlfriend is up for this, let your girlfriend aanswer and say 'sorry he is in the bath'. Above all else, put your girlfriend before her. My partner had an extremely bitter ex, esp given she was the one who had affairs etc and my partner constantly bowed to her for a quiet life. You need to nip this in the bud otherwise it could go on forever. We have only just got rid if the ex and it has been 8 years of hell! By the way, I may have put myself in your ex's shoes, but that doesn't mean I am the sort of person that would do any of the above numbers!!
Bob.
1) You are faced with a situation which may jeopardise your present relationship and you cannot make a decision which is starring you in the face.
2)Why would cutting off all but essential contact with your ex jeopardise seeing you kids........it wouldn't.
3) If she decides to be difficult.....she will......amiable contact or not.
4) We are dealing with a potentially life threatening situation and the leg needs amputating.
5) When the going gets tough, the tough get going...............the most important decisions in life are the most difficult.
6) Now show me how wrong I am in calling you weak.
1) You are faced with a situation which may jeopardise your present relationship and you cannot make a decision which is starring you in the face.
2)Why would cutting off all but essential contact with your ex jeopardise seeing you kids........it wouldn't.
3) If she decides to be difficult.....she will......amiable contact or not.
4) We are dealing with a potentially life threatening situation and the leg needs amputating.
5) When the going gets tough, the tough get going...............the most important decisions in life are the most difficult.
6) Now show me how wrong I am in calling you weak.
Sqad - I'm still waiting for you to justify your retarded post. So come on then pr1ck, how am I weak?
Everyone else - Cheers for the support, but he's a mong, therefore i'm not worried. Whatever reason he come's up with for his comment, i'll laugh it off.
Pottyone - It was me that moved, I ended up back in barracks and she got everything (except the debt, I kept all that). As for the regretting decisions, i really hope not. That could be the one that causes the most damage. If she does try to get back together, and I reject her she'll have no issue telling the kids that daddy doesn't love them enough to want to move back home etc.
Everyone else - Cheers for the support, but he's a mong, therefore i'm not worried. Whatever reason he come's up with for his comment, i'll laugh it off.
Pottyone - It was me that moved, I ended up back in barracks and she got everything (except the debt, I kept all that). As for the regretting decisions, i really hope not. That could be the one that causes the most damage. If she does try to get back together, and I reject her she'll have no issue telling the kids that daddy doesn't love them enough to want to move back home etc.
-- answer removed --
My ex had an ex (long story) who was like yours - she wouldn't hesitate to use their kids against him, she tried to turn them against him, and even though she didn't want him any more - she didn't want anyone else to have him.
I myself had an ex who I bent over backwards for (no pun intended) when we split, sothat he could see his kids. I even went for joint custody. What a joke - he buggered off with the first tart (literally) that came along & 'lost touch' with them. He wouldn't know those wonderful brilliant children if he passed them in the street.
It makes me mad when you try yourself to be a decent parent, a decent person & other people are b1tches & b@st@rds and get away with it....
You have made a new life & have a new lady - try to understand her position & have the minimum briefest coolly-polite of communication only with your ex. Keep your decency, don't worry about weakness - it's not.
I myself had an ex who I bent over backwards for (no pun intended) when we split, sothat he could see his kids. I even went for joint custody. What a joke - he buggered off with the first tart (literally) that came along & 'lost touch' with them. He wouldn't know those wonderful brilliant children if he passed them in the street.
It makes me mad when you try yourself to be a decent parent, a decent person & other people are b1tches & b@st@rds and get away with it....
You have made a new life & have a new lady - try to understand her position & have the minimum briefest coolly-polite of communication only with your ex. Keep your decency, don't worry about weakness - it's not.
-- answer removed --
1) You're correct, I'm facing a difficult decision. However, it isn't as clear cut as it first appears. The easiest is to cut her off, but if this is an attempt to reconcile and I p1ss her off then she has the ability to make life v. difficult.
2+3) Everything we have organised has been done informally. If she decided that i'm no longer to see the nippers, then I will have to pay a solictor £75 an hour to start formal court proceedings that will take months for a judge to say you can see her.
4) No ones life is in danger, and I will always do what is best for my kids. If the best thing for them is to put up with her carp for a few more months then so be it.
5) You ever been in a real life/death decision situation? Don't ever try and lecture me on tough decisions.
6) You can call me weak all you want. Several operational tours and a 10 year career in the Forces indicate you are spouting arrse!
2+3) Everything we have organised has been done informally. If she decided that i'm no longer to see the nippers, then I will have to pay a solictor £75 an hour to start formal court proceedings that will take months for a judge to say you can see her.
4) No ones life is in danger, and I will always do what is best for my kids. If the best thing for them is to put up with her carp for a few more months then so be it.
5) You ever been in a real life/death decision situation? Don't ever try and lecture me on tough decisions.
6) You can call me weak all you want. Several operational tours and a 10 year career in the Forces indicate you are spouting arrse!
-- answer removed --
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