have no idea who to talk to about this...

[daisyme]

Ok. So my parents separated when i was 13. Since then it was ok for a while, must admit my mum left quite quickly though, there wasn't much warning but then i guess i was rather young. Five years on and everything is still really just awkward. I guess really my parents should be the ones to sort it out, but contact isn't an option between them.
Its my mum I have the problem with really, and I feel terrible even thinking such things about her. I just feel shes really selfish. Whenever I ask for things like a dress for a school ball or something or just if she'd pay half, a lot of the time she says...well shouldnt your father pay? He gets child allowance!
The thing is my mum is a lot richer than my dad so the answer to those two questions...is quite obviously if you ask me, no. Sorry this is such a long thing...I just haven't really told my friends about the divorce of my parents cus i find it all so hard and weird and generally awkward. I just dont know if I should confront my mum as my brother is planning on doing (his problem with her is on a much bigger scale than mine) and join in with him, or just leave it. I'm just sick of all the fakery, my mum just doesn't seem to care so much about us, she just goes swanning off with her boyfriend on expensive holidays. Its not like she doesn't support us, but shes asked for quite large sums of money back from loans from a good 3years ago, and it leaves me questioning just how truthful she's being, and really it breaks my heart.
Sorry about this massive thing. If anyone has any practical suggestions or anything at all really that could help i'd be grateful.

[Mamyalynne]

Daisy my love, I can give no real practical solutions. But can only recommend that you try as hard as you can to build your life, Mum seems to have lost the plot (as a mother myself, I cannot understand that) Your friends will be more understanding than you think.

You could confront her of course, but I feel that you start to accept she has largely detached herself, you will grow into a far wiser person by this horrid episode, though I don`t expect you to believe that.


Take care

M ♥

[jno]

I think mamyalynne's right. Don't seek out confrontations, they seldom work and they'll probably stress you out more than her. Work on building your own life: education, job, friends. Most people your age are doing this anyway, though they may have less hassle at home to contend with.

(You don't say who you're actually living with, or how you feel about your father.)

[daisyme]

i live with my dad...before i used to think he was just bitter, he was very angry in general which is understandable, and he kept on saying how he'd been hard done by in the divorce b'cus my mum's an accountant so understands the financial situation more...but now i'm not so sure and its just hard, because i'm so close to my dad.

[daisyme]

and thanks so much for the advice, i do have a bad temper, but i'll try not to make things more dramatic than needs be, i guess it is just a case of acceptance.

[Mamyalynne]

You will become stronger from this and in effect your Mum is the one who loses out, she will see that eventually and whether you will let her back in is up to you. Sounds like you have a great Dad cherish him and enjoy your life.

♥

[jno]

yes, I'd recommend controlling the temper (you should probably be trying to do this anyway) - some families swear that rows clear the air, but they're just as likely they'll leave everyone feeling madder. Try not to take sides between your parents, beyond saying 'yes' and 'that's a shame', but help your dad when you can.

But your best bet is to slowly detach yourself from both of them. Because that's what 18-year-olds are supposed to do: grow up and separate themselves from their families, and work towards starting their own. Good parents expect and help their children to do this; in your case you'll probably have to make your own path as it sounds as if your parents are a bit tied up in themselves. But you'll get there, and you'll probably be a stronger and more self-confident person for the experience.

Good luck.

[flexscan9999]

Hi i am a single dad with a 16 yr old at home he fell out with his mum because she was being selfish and taking out our seperation out on the kids esp him because he chose to live with me and not with her , so she got the hump with that cos it meant she would lose out on money , anyway long story short , it took well ova a year b4 they got back into talking with each other again and its still not as it was . it will change between you and your mother but it may take a while ..

[daisyme]

thanks everyone...but flexscan i dont think its really my mum taking it out on us, I think its more her, because she doesn't live with us, just losing her grasp of mothering sort of thing and getting a bit wrapped up in her world with her bf. Yes things have already changed quite dramatically, I was just hoping things would be getting better as the years went by, not worse!

[flexscan9999]

Then to be honest if hasn't got better now then i dont think it will but then you never know , keep your chin up and hope for the best , good luck for the future for you .

[chokkie]

I don't know if anyone has already suggested this in an earlier post,. but have you tried "childline"? Even if they can't help practically, they may know someone who you can talk to without bias.

[tufty7]

My parents divorced after 25 years of marriage in 1974 and at the grand age of 9 i found myself living with my Nan and Grandad, The hurt I felt at the time for being cast aside still sits deep .There are lots of emotions that you have thrust at you and you can become confused about which ones to deal with I hope that you will learn to carve out your life with your Dad , let him deal with your Mum and her selfish ways and remember its her loss , as you get older you will get stronger and less reliable on her . Best of luck , I hope that everything turns out just fine for you in the long run .