Separation anxiety in a toddler

[mountainboo]

Hi all,
Our 30 month old son has recently started pre-school (holiday club) which he attends twice a week at 3 hourly sessions. To begin with he would be happy to be left but would cry when we collected him. Now, he gets upset when we take him there and it has been revealed by the pre-school staff that he frequently cries (sometimes inconsolably) during his stay there and ultimately when we collect him.

We are very concerned about this because it is awful to think of him as being distressed so often. The sole reason we put him into pre-school was for socialization. I know that it is normal for children to cry at the time of separation, but surely it is not a good sign that he is crying so often at pre-school? It may also be important to mention that he has never been looked after by anyone else but us, not even grandparents.

Can anyone offer any advice or share any experiences? TIA

[B00]

How do the staff suggest you handle this?

I know it's heartbreaking for you, but im willing to bet they've seen it all before and i bet he'll soon settle in. How long has he been going there?

[karenmac60]

I remember when my daughter started nursery, there were a few kids who were a bit like that - cried all the time and hated being left. I think it carried on for the first term or so but by Xmas most of them had calmed down. There was one boy who did it for the whole year, but he's now a strapping big teenager and doesn't seem to have suffered for it. If your son is used to only being with you it will take a while for him to get used to it, but better to bite the bullet and do it now rather than keep him with you till he has to go to school. It is upsetting, but it'll be good for him in the long run x

[k8bailey]

My brother was like that so my mum ended up volunteering at the nursery for a whole term. She would have to do little errands each time they were there - pop out to the post office, go and buy milk....anything that would get her out of there for 5 mins gradually staying away longer until she could just drop him off. It was all about reassuring him that she would definitely come back!

Is that a possibility for you?

[B00]

Not that it helps you any, but mine cried each time i collected her from nursery and her first couple of weeks at school.

Why I hear you ask?

She was having that much fun, she didn't want to go home!

I was mortified and had visions of someone calling social services claiming that her homelife must be dire when she's hysterical at the thought of going back to it.

So see? you cant win!

[karenmac60]

B00, on my daughter's first day at nursery she was only to be there a couple of hours. When I went to get her she locked herself in the wendyhouse and screamed the place down :)

[mountainboo]

Thank you all, some very helpful responses there. Our son's health visitor's advice was similar to yours K8bailey, which I think is a good idea. It is comforting to know that others have experienced the same thing. He seems happier when his cousin (who is the same age) goes so we shall endeavour to take him when she is there. The staff mentioned that it is term time from next week so things may improve with predictability.

[Goodsoulette]

Do you cross paths with any other parents there? Playdates with a child he could become familiar with outside of school maybe, so that he could have that recognition he has with his cousin. As tight as it may sound, he'll probably get over it because he's young, I wouldnt take him out till he's older though because that wont make it any better when he goes back, I remember hating playschool with a passion, i was there back in the day when it was easy for me to runaway and go back home and I clearly recall doing it. I hated the first year of primary school too.

[tigwig]

I think that some children just do not want to be at nursery or pre school and this is quite common. Will there be a nursery attached to a school your child will go to once he is over 3 or will he just go straight into reception? If there is a school nursery then I personally would take him out of the pre school and when he is older he may be far better at the nursery. The choice is yours really hun but if its making both you and him miserable and you don't need to leave him there then why bother?