access

[beverleymot]

my son is 5 and doesn't see his dad anymore ( my sons choice, but his dad could never really be bothered with him anyway- he has a partner and 2 other kids and they are much more important than my son, and he even says that our son is no longer "family") he is supposed to call him weekly at an agreed time but rarely does. I had a conversation with my son this morning where he said he would be ok with his Dad coming to our house for an hour a fortnight to spend time with him. I have called my ex who is not happy with this- he said he will take him park or to play football but he won't come in the house as it is unfair on his ex and other children to be away for an hour and he doesn't want to hurt his partners feelings. My son will not negotiate on this- he will only see him here at home. I also have a partner who is happy to help me try encouraging a relationship between my son and his dad so does not have a problem with my ex coming round, especially if it means it might encourage a relationship.

I think its very wrong that he has to ask his partners permission to see his own son, and if the shoe was on the other foot i wouldn't dream of asking my partner if i could see my son!! Neither would my partner expect me to ask- opinions please?! thanks

[lucca]

Your ex is playing an unfair game here. Sounds as if you, your partner and your son are very secure and happy, and my guess is that your ex is not. He should accept his responsibilities towards his son.

[beverleymot]

its very unfair and my ex seems to think its acceptable that he can not see our son for 5 years and hurt his feelings but he couldn't possibly be away from his other family for 1 hr a fortnight because he will hurt their feelings!!

[zzxxee]

sounds like his partner has jelousy issues could you not invite her round for the first meeting so she can see there is nothing to worry about then gradually as the relasionship between dad and child grows, he tan take him out to the park on his own

[beverleymot]

i have offered for her to come round and in the past i have offered to go counselling with them to get all issues out in the open but she won't. when my son was seeing his dad she wouldnt even let him pick our son up on his own- she had to be there for collection and drop off too and i believe this is an insecurity and jealousy issue towards me, I just cant understand why he would want to marry someone who controlled his life in this way... i have been with my partner for 4 years and we get married in 18 mmonths too but he would never treat me this way!!

[boxtops]

They both sound very insecure - but I think it's sad that one hour a fortnight can't be spared by the dad to keep in touch with his son. He can't complain in later life if your boy doesn't have time for him if he's needed. Your lad is however quite little to be making these sort of decisions himself. Did you have access rights legally drawn up when you split up?

[beverleymot]

My son has alreday said he doesn't want to see his dad- never mind later in life!! i however always ask him if he loves his dad and he does say yes- he just doesn't want to see him. the only link he has witht hat side of his family is that i am best friends with my ex's twin brother and my son has a great relationship with him. we have been to court 9 times and had various contact orders drawn up but he never sticks to them. the order in place at the moment is supposed to be 5 hours every other sunday but now it is 0 hrs! sad thing is, until March we were all living in the same street- i could throw a stone into his back garden!! but his partner wanted to get as afr away from me as possible

[SPRINTER1]

So sad to think a five year old child is capable of making such choice, the kid is being used as a lever , it will screw it me up, what about grand parents what do they say???

[beverleymot]

he is very mature kid, he has had this his whole life and his dad even forced him to speak to a CAFCASS officer alone without me present and he told her the same thing. my ex's parents wont get involved they have left my ex to make his own decisions but we walked past my sons nan in tesco a few weeks ago, and my son recognised her but wasn't sure, and when she tried talking to him he hid behind me. i have always said they are welcome round to see him but they have not seen my son either for a long time, possibly 18 months ago.