News1 min ago
social anxiety!!??
2 Answers
I'm 19 and have started a job and been there almost 3months now. I'm generally getting along with people great...theres just this group of guys that make me ridiculously nervous and shy!
Sounds pathetic I know...all the previous people who have had my job got on with these guys (there are 3 of them in that department) really well...I get along with them but I'm just so nervous and awkward around them, I haven't been like this since I was about 5! The previous people who had my job had breakfast with them in the mornings, spent time chatting, made them tea, went to xmas parties and had drinks after work and all those kinds of things...but thinking about this stuff fills me with dread! My friend mentioned to me today about them probably inviting me to an xmas do of some sort and I just feel so nervous about that that it's keeping me up at this late hour writing this!
I'm not this shy/pathetic around most people...just them...what I s'pose I'm trying to say is...is there something wrong with me!? And are there any tips about what I can do to calm down?? They are perfectly nice people, I have nothing against any of them...I just nearly die when I have to go down and visit them for some inexplicable reason!
Any feedback/constuctive advice would be most welcome! (sorry I know this is waffly and most probably doesn't make much sense...)
Sounds pathetic I know...all the previous people who have had my job got on with these guys (there are 3 of them in that department) really well...I get along with them but I'm just so nervous and awkward around them, I haven't been like this since I was about 5! The previous people who had my job had breakfast with them in the mornings, spent time chatting, made them tea, went to xmas parties and had drinks after work and all those kinds of things...but thinking about this stuff fills me with dread! My friend mentioned to me today about them probably inviting me to an xmas do of some sort and I just feel so nervous about that that it's keeping me up at this late hour writing this!
I'm not this shy/pathetic around most people...just them...what I s'pose I'm trying to say is...is there something wrong with me!? And are there any tips about what I can do to calm down?? They are perfectly nice people, I have nothing against any of them...I just nearly die when I have to go down and visit them for some inexplicable reason!
Any feedback/constuctive advice would be most welcome! (sorry I know this is waffly and most probably doesn't make much sense...)
Answers
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Got to say, although I am in my late fifities and now bite the heads off young men (I am female) if they so much as look sideways at me, at 19, dealing with 3 guys who all work together and who (allegedly) had close platonic relationships with the previous incumbents would have worried me too.
I think maybe you are expecting a bit much of yourself...just because other folk in your post have been best buds with them doesn't mean that all at once you have to. My best advice would be to aim to be perfectly nice and polite but back away a bit, take your time getting to know them and give yourself (and them) some space.
I think maybe you are expecting a bit much of yourself...just because other folk in your post have been best buds with them doesn't mean that all at once you have to. My best advice would be to aim to be perfectly nice and polite but back away a bit, take your time getting to know them and give yourself (and them) some space.
Sound advice from woofgang there - as usual.
Just because your predeccors got on well with these guys does not make it part of your job description - it's not compulsory to 'join in' with them in any way except what you feel comfortable doing.
You are still very young, and adapting to a workplace takes time for everyone, so don't feel there is anything unusual in your feelings here.
Take it one day at a time, be polite, and friendly, but no more until you have found your feet and feel comfortable around your colleagues.
It will take time for them to know you as well, so just take things steady, and go along with any banter you enjoy, and ignore any that is not what you want to pursue.
As far as a Christmas 'do' goes - again there is no compulsion for you to go - as a new person, you could say you have plans for that day / evening, and they won't know any different.
Your post makes perfect sense - it's all part of the world of work, and the best advice i can give you is to smile, be nice, and only say 'yes' to any invites if you actually want to go. You may feel pressure as the 'new girl' to fit in, but resist it - it's about what makes you comfortable, not fitting into the hierarchy of your workplace.
It does get easier - i started my first long-term job at nineteen, i remember how nervous and ill-at-ease i felt, and how everyone else seemed like close friends with each other except me - it's not usually like that, just how it feels. i am fifty-six now, and still working at the same company, so relax, you'll get used to it!
Just because your predeccors got on well with these guys does not make it part of your job description - it's not compulsory to 'join in' with them in any way except what you feel comfortable doing.
You are still very young, and adapting to a workplace takes time for everyone, so don't feel there is anything unusual in your feelings here.
Take it one day at a time, be polite, and friendly, but no more until you have found your feet and feel comfortable around your colleagues.
It will take time for them to know you as well, so just take things steady, and go along with any banter you enjoy, and ignore any that is not what you want to pursue.
As far as a Christmas 'do' goes - again there is no compulsion for you to go - as a new person, you could say you have plans for that day / evening, and they won't know any different.
Your post makes perfect sense - it's all part of the world of work, and the best advice i can give you is to smile, be nice, and only say 'yes' to any invites if you actually want to go. You may feel pressure as the 'new girl' to fit in, but resist it - it's about what makes you comfortable, not fitting into the hierarchy of your workplace.
It does get easier - i started my first long-term job at nineteen, i remember how nervous and ill-at-ease i felt, and how everyone else seemed like close friends with each other except me - it's not usually like that, just how it feels. i am fifty-six now, and still working at the same company, so relax, you'll get used to it!
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