is this middle child syndrome

[louculhane]

I have three chldren ages 13,11,and 7. My middle son is a very happy boy during the day!! however he got up last night as he has many other nights crying and not knowing why. He said he could'nt figure out why but when he goes to bed he gets sad and crys a lot. He is a really good child and would do anything that is asked to do. He is also very caring towards his siblings. However he is a worrier and I don't really know how to help him. I wondered if I should take him to a psychologist so he could talk however we have a good open relationship as I am home full time and he does'nt seem to have a problem talking to me. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.

[ummmm]

Sounds more than middle child syndrome. Middle children just sometimes feel they don't fit in properly. The eldest gets more responsibility and the youngest gets more attention.

[hc4361]

Is everything alright at school for him?

[louculhane]

we had a long conversation last night and he doesnt seem a bit upset regarding school. What I do find is that he worries about everything even things not related to him. He is a pet and loves being with me and my husband and I feel he gets emotional when family time ends and real life kicks in
.

[ummmm]

Seems more like his personality than the middle child syndrome. Hopefully he'll grow out of it...maybe you're just good parents and make him feel safe and secure.

[jamxtart]

My daughter went through a similar thing when she was around his age, she was fine in the day but as soon as night time came, she would get really upset, especially if she had school the next day. I asked her why and she said that she loves spending time with her family and didnt like being apart from us when she was at school.
My daughter is now 13 and I think that she has now grown out of it, she now hates spending anytime with us and loves school and spending time with her friends... if your sure that nothing is going on at school or anything like that I would just see how he goes, I bet he will soon grow out of it though

[louculhane]

Thanks for your advice as you can see his mother is a bit of a worrier too!! Thankyou for your kind words needed that. I will continue to see how he gets on and as you said hopefully with re assurance he will grow out of it.

[brenda]

Put the child psychologist on the back burner for now.Cannot speak for all in this profession , but those with whom I have worked have been completely barmy.Would not trust their judgement with myJack Russell never mind my child.

[whiskeryron]

I have a gut feeling here that he feels totally alone at night,does he have his own bedroom ? would one of the others be prepared to share ( bunk beds maybe) ? he would eventually want his own room with all his own stuff but at the moment he shares the daytime with school friends and his family & when night comes he doesn't like being alone.Ron.xxx

[joko]

it may sudden influx of hormones because of puberty...girls get hormonal but i daresay boys do a bit too...also night time is when its dark and quiet and all the worries start to surface...he can distract himself from them when hes awake and playing...but nothing at nightt

would it help him to fall asleep listening to music or the tv perhaps?

i often listen to comedy cds and drift off...helps me stop dwelling

[what..the?]

reading about family life how much time you spend together and the close relationship you have, it sounds like the childhood I didn't have.

However, while this sounds great is there a line when to much mothering of a 'more emotional younger' will cause separation problems, and upset. Sure you love him and bond with him constantly but to take that back now would only be felt by him twice as much.

Maybe the key is to encourage fun time with other's out the family like sleep overs with school friends, and try to encourage him to take up solo hobbies like lego,

[what..the?]

....art, things you can send him off the complete and then sit down to look at his work with him after to show encouragement, while slowly giving him more independence, If he is a worrier and a stressful child creative hobbies might help him relax and express himself.

[louculhane]

This is a very delayed thank you to all the great advice given on my worries regarding my middle child. I am going to take all adviece on board and would like to say thanks to What The. You may have hit the nail on the head!

[benny3008]

I was the same at that age and personally I think whiskeyron is on the right lines, I hated that time on a Sunday night before school when I had to go to bed, it was dark, everyone else was asleep and I felt alone, it made it even worse that I had to go to school the next day where I felt I had to do well etc.. so it wasn't a case of one thing getting me down, it was when loads of little things such as that come together at once and got on top of me, maybe it could be the same situation for your son.?

[LoftyLottie]

I would say it is a mixture of hormones and being a very sensitive and caring young man and a very deep thinker. People sometimes expect boys to be very happy go lucky with couldn't care less attitudes.

My son went through a similar stage, not of crying but of acute anxiety and worrying and nasty nightmares about everything. You can't really stop him being a worrier and you might find it will get worse before it gets better. Keep an eye on him, just in case it leads to further problems.

All I would suggest is that you continue to have the long chats with him and let him know you are there for a chat when he needs one, even during the night. Nightimes are worse for us worriers!!

[yinyang]

I'm in my late 30's and I still feel like that! When it's daylight and I've things to do and family around me I can keep on top of my worries but when I turn the light out and everybody else is sleeping all the little niggles jump on top of me and seem like huge worries , only to fade again when daylight comes.

I'm also ashamed to admit that when my husband is away I sleep with the light on. Maybe not liking the dark is a factor with your son too but he feels too embarrassed to admit it.

I'm not as crazy as I sound here, honest, just a worrier through and through.

[LoftyLottie]

Not surprised you were like this too Benny because you seem a caring and deep thinking young man.

[benny3008]

Ahh, thanks lottie, I agree with the deep thinker bit, I think that's what made it worse for me when I was young, I am a pessimist and thought too much about what could happen if I didn't do well enough at school rather than what would happen if I was to exceed expectations etc...

[benny3008]

I was also very scared of death around that age, not so much scared of pain or suffering, just the fact that I would be gone and would be leaving family behind, always worried me, another thing to think about maybe?

[LoftyLottie]

Son is a pessimist too. So am I actually!

[LoftyLottie]

Worse age for him was between 12 and 14 but still had a lot of problems until he was out of the teenage years. Such a worrier. He appeared on the outside to be a confident and self assured young man, but there was a lot of inner anxst. I can still detect it in his at times - but then us Mums tend to be able to 'read' our children.

I was a very anxious child - always worrying. Runs in the family.