Advice Appreciated

[Notveryhappy]

Hi Guys

I've just found out i'm about 6 weeks pregnant and i'm in total limbo about what to do.

I already have a daughter who is 2 in a few weeks and i'm not sure if i'd cope with another.

I have a house, job and partner and this seems like the perfect setting, but i'm so confused!

Four days before i found out, myself and my partner were talking about seperating and only 2 months ago, I was at docs being treated with anxiety and slight depression. They offered me tablets, but i said no as i thought i could maybe sort myself.

I was starting to feel a bit happier, but now this has happened.

My parner has said he would love a child, but as we're arguing, he would hate to leave me alone bringing up 2 kids.

I have considered abortion, but i'm not sure if i could live with myself, but another bay right now seems too scary.

Is it it as hard as people say. I mean with a toddler and a newborn?

Will i punish myself forever if I do have an abortion?

I thought that me andf my partner could try an get on a bit more, but obviously if we don't it'd be too late then.

I know it's my final decision, but it's the hardest one i'm having to make.

Anybody else been in a similar position etc???xx

[ljdksa]

Hiya, This is a very difficult decision to make. I do feel for you.

I was on my own with four children for eight years. Had also had depression and anxiety at one point, and I not only managed, but was very happy. The most important thing is to keep the depression and anxiety under control, because that makes everything difficult. However, I'm not sure about taking antidepressants while pregnant.
Do you really feel your relationship is over? I found things much easier with the children on my own than I did in an unhappy relationship. Do you have a supportive family? Abortion is very, very difficult to live with, but only you will know what's best for you and your toddler. Personally, I have a feeling you would be absolutely fine.

[joeluke]

Contraception?

[ljdksa]

Too late :-)

[zzxxee]

i suggest you book an appointment with a g.p who will put you in touch with a councillor
to help you with your decision.
It will be harder to make a choice the longer you leave it.
Dont delay see your g,p as soon as possible, and good luck x

[ethandron]

you're asking for advice. my advice would be have an abortion.

[DTCwordfan]

Agree with zzxxee on this.

Also, could you take two or three days off and away by yourself, say a country pub, some long walks and good food, and time to think through all of this, especially your relationship.

Perhaps you could have your partner come for the last night and have a tete-a-tete with no family around, no kids, and in a public place so you have to discuss things sanely. The other option as well is to start mapping things down on paper as a letter to yourself (or maybe even your partner) - or split the paper in two columns - positives and negatives (a third column in between perhaps for any actions you can think of to helps solve the problems especially).

[Prudie]

The answers you get on here will depend on people's stance on abortion. Personally I would not want to go through with a pregnancy while suffering anxiety (you may then be more prone to post-natal depression) nor have a baby alone or in an unstable relationship. Takes zzXXee's advice - seek professional help and do it quickly. Thousands have abortions and get on with their lives without much thought - quite a few suffer guilt on the other hand. Good luck in making the right choice - your choice.

[joeluke]

This pregnancy has obviously come as a shock to you, people who aren't trying for a baby tend to use some form of contraception to avoid unwanted pregnancies

If you had you wouldn't be in this predicament

[sherrardk]

Hi, can't comment on a lot of your post but can comment on how hard it may or may not be with a newborn and a toddler.

I have five children and when the youngest two were born (twins) my other children we 7, 4 and 2. In my opinion, it is not as hard as some people say. Ok, it was tough at first (but I think that is because I had twins, not the age gaps, and I breastfed them so there was no let up). The upside of having them close in age is that they are natural friends and they are good company for each other. Whilst I anot a single mother, my husband works long hours and I have no family in the area and as i was new to the area, I had no friends to call on for a break.

I hope you make the decision that you truly feel is for the best for yourself, your partner and your daughter. xxx

[tamborine]

The first is the worst and having another baby would be easier on most mums. You're at the start of family life; its a huge change for most couples. Be glad of your blessings, a little girl & supportive father.

Hopefully, you will accept the father's support & try to work out your difficulties for the sake of your children.