Sunday Express Skeleton 22Nd December...
Crosswords5 mins ago
Sqad – A Medic’s CV
22 Answers
Born : Albert Scroggins – Penistone 1931
(Mother named as Doris Scroggins, a bicycle repair mechanic and part-time Homeopath, father believed to be an itinerant French Onion Salesman whose bike Doris was repairing)
Education : Details of Bert’s education are sketchy – but his school must have been a good one, because it was ‘approved’.
Married #1 – June 1948 – Fifi Trixibelle La Rue – Famous as the Tattooed Lady of Clacton Pier and winner of “Miss Pint Drinker 1947” (Cleethorpes)
Divorced June 1950 – “Incompatible Tattoos”
Name Change by Deed Poll – July 1950 – “Severus Ignatius Sqad”
Further Education : St Hilda’s College Oxford 1951-1955 – Severus was the first male undergraduate to be admitted to St Hilda’s – such was his legacy that it was 2008 before the College risked further male admissions.
Qualified as Proctological Surgeon 1957 – St Eunuch’s College, Scrotum, Nevada
Married #2 – August 1959 – Jocasta Rigby-Peller – Deb of the Year 1958 (Hartlepool Division)
Divorced 1983 – “Intellectual Cruelty” – the Judge refused to accept that “Why the Long Face, Shergar” was an appropriate morning greeting from a man to his wife.
Married #3 – 1985 - Evangeline Honoria Overall – world famous author and supermodel (qv)
Divorced 1996 – “Incompatible Lingerie”
NHS practice – Cleethorpes General – Proctology
Private Practice – Cosmetic Surgeon, Harley Street, Scunthorpe – Owner of "Your Boobs are My Business" – later re-launched as “Your Breasts are Safe in My Hands”
Retired 2001 : Severus married the fourth Mrs Sqad (a shadowy, but cultured, figure of whom little is known) and moved to the South Pacific Island of na’RumpiPumpi.
He is now a familiar figure as he marches from his villa to his club, in his customary attire of Cravat, Hawaiian Shorts, White Knee Socks and Birkenstocks.
He is often followed by a group of simple, native children who he has taught to chant in English “No Big Deal, Take Three Ibuprofen, Monitor the Situation”
(Mother named as Doris Scroggins, a bicycle repair mechanic and part-time Homeopath, father believed to be an itinerant French Onion Salesman whose bike Doris was repairing)
Education : Details of Bert’s education are sketchy – but his school must have been a good one, because it was ‘approved’.
Married #1 – June 1948 – Fifi Trixibelle La Rue – Famous as the Tattooed Lady of Clacton Pier and winner of “Miss Pint Drinker 1947” (Cleethorpes)
Divorced June 1950 – “Incompatible Tattoos”
Name Change by Deed Poll – July 1950 – “Severus Ignatius Sqad”
Further Education : St Hilda’s College Oxford 1951-1955 – Severus was the first male undergraduate to be admitted to St Hilda’s – such was his legacy that it was 2008 before the College risked further male admissions.
Qualified as Proctological Surgeon 1957 – St Eunuch’s College, Scrotum, Nevada
Married #2 – August 1959 – Jocasta Rigby-Peller – Deb of the Year 1958 (Hartlepool Division)
Divorced 1983 – “Intellectual Cruelty” – the Judge refused to accept that “Why the Long Face, Shergar” was an appropriate morning greeting from a man to his wife.
Married #3 – 1985 - Evangeline Honoria Overall – world famous author and supermodel (qv)
Divorced 1996 – “Incompatible Lingerie”
NHS practice – Cleethorpes General – Proctology
Private Practice – Cosmetic Surgeon, Harley Street, Scunthorpe – Owner of "Your Boobs are My Business" – later re-launched as “Your Breasts are Safe in My Hands”
Retired 2001 : Severus married the fourth Mrs Sqad (a shadowy, but cultured, figure of whom little is known) and moved to the South Pacific Island of na’RumpiPumpi.
He is now a familiar figure as he marches from his villa to his club, in his customary attire of Cravat, Hawaiian Shorts, White Knee Socks and Birkenstocks.
He is often followed by a group of simple, native children who he has taught to chant in English “No Big Deal, Take Three Ibuprofen, Monitor the Situation”
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Oh I wish you had boobs that would wobble
Mrs Sqad's just stay still in one place
In the breast hall of fame
You won't see her name
For your boobs there would be no such disgrace
Sure boobs of your size have their merit
They're easy to fit with a lacy bra
And when you go for a dip
I know one will slip out
Mrs Sqad's they stay put…just where they are
And I know you are not one to seek much attention
I won't find you strutting about
In a boob tube that's trying
By gravity defying, but I wish you would
Please leave some room, even for my imagination, my doubt
But me, Dr Sqad, I sure envy big breasted women
I've seen them at AB parties you know
With all vodka confidence thrust
In their mighty big bust
Entrancing the AB men as they go
Though I've heard from a big bosomed AB buddy
That it's not all it's cracked up to be
Murraymints says in frustration
"Try to hold conversation
When there's only two things Tony sees”
Now if i paid you a few grand to enlarge them
To, say thirty-six d or e
Would they still look so natural
And could I class them as collateral
Sorta like The Builder's home improvements, on me
Now I've not taken this boob thing just lightly
I've done a hell a lot of research
As I try to keep abreast
In my mammary quest
I've found there's a bit to be learned
There's questions that need to be answered
Like cleavage, how wide and how deep
You can have nipples bigger
But somehow I figured
That could poke SunnyDave's eye in his sleep
Oh, I wish I you had boobs that were awesome
I'd buy you a bright red bathing suit
On the Ibiza beach I would have you run
In slow motion for fun
To show off your best attribute
Now don't think you'd just get them for vanity
There's much you could aspire to do
You could feed many babies
that I was delivering
And for AB convenience, I could offer you as a drive-thru
In a t-shirt you would test my air conditioning
They could 'see' if they had it too low
And if you stood outside
Your perky breasts pumped up with pride
Spanish Police would use you to stop the local traffic flow
Well you can see I've a lot to consider
For your big plunge, I need some more time
So I'll keep you updated
But for now they're just fated
Ibuprofen three times a day to stay as they are for a while
And there's my fourth wife who totally accepts me
For I love her each and every little weenie bit
I say "stay as you are
You're the most beautiful by far"
As I gaze into her eyes…not her tits!
Mrs Sqad's just stay still in one place
In the breast hall of fame
You won't see her name
For your boobs there would be no such disgrace
Sure boobs of your size have their merit
They're easy to fit with a lacy bra
And when you go for a dip
I know one will slip out
Mrs Sqad's they stay put…just where they are
And I know you are not one to seek much attention
I won't find you strutting about
In a boob tube that's trying
By gravity defying, but I wish you would
Please leave some room, even for my imagination, my doubt
But me, Dr Sqad, I sure envy big breasted women
I've seen them at AB parties you know
With all vodka confidence thrust
In their mighty big bust
Entrancing the AB men as they go
Though I've heard from a big bosomed AB buddy
That it's not all it's cracked up to be
Murraymints says in frustration
"Try to hold conversation
When there's only two things Tony sees”
Now if i paid you a few grand to enlarge them
To, say thirty-six d or e
Would they still look so natural
And could I class them as collateral
Sorta like The Builder's home improvements, on me
Now I've not taken this boob thing just lightly
I've done a hell a lot of research
As I try to keep abreast
In my mammary quest
I've found there's a bit to be learned
There's questions that need to be answered
Like cleavage, how wide and how deep
You can have nipples bigger
But somehow I figured
That could poke SunnyDave's eye in his sleep
Oh, I wish I you had boobs that were awesome
I'd buy you a bright red bathing suit
On the Ibiza beach I would have you run
In slow motion for fun
To show off your best attribute
Now don't think you'd just get them for vanity
There's much you could aspire to do
You could feed many babies
that I was delivering
And for AB convenience, I could offer you as a drive-thru
In a t-shirt you would test my air conditioning
They could 'see' if they had it too low
And if you stood outside
Your perky breasts pumped up with pride
Spanish Police would use you to stop the local traffic flow
Well you can see I've a lot to consider
For your big plunge, I need some more time
So I'll keep you updated
But for now they're just fated
Ibuprofen three times a day to stay as they are for a while
And there's my fourth wife who totally accepts me
For I love her each and every little weenie bit
I say "stay as you are
You're the most beautiful by far"
As I gaze into her eyes…not her tits!
Dave very good......LOL
Talking about Proctology....there was a very famous Bristol surgeon by the name of Angel-Gabriel who was in fact a Proctologist, who was nicknamed by all as the "@rse Angel Gabriel.
When he attended meetings at the Royal Society of Medicine in London all the juniors would say that the '@rse-Angel-Gabriel was in London and would "look up a few friends."
Talking about Proctology....there was a very famous Bristol surgeon by the name of Angel-Gabriel who was in fact a Proctologist, who was nicknamed by all as the "@rse Angel Gabriel.
When he attended meetings at the Royal Society of Medicine in London all the juniors would say that the '@rse-Angel-Gabriel was in London and would "look up a few friends."
