How can I calm down and talk about this rationally?

[ChocolatChip]

Really need to breathe right now, I'm so angry at my husband... and right now he's fast asleep opposite me. I'm trying to calm down before I talk to him but I'm absolutely fuming.

He's always telling me that I over exaggerate, but I have really good reason to believe that he's not been taking his Anti-Epileptic medication for months, or at the very least not properly. I've just found the last box he picked up from the chemist with the date of just before Xmas. he's meant to take 2 a day, and it means hes probably taken less than one every 2 days! I could actually scream!!!
I thought I'd check as I'd told him off several times this month for not getting more when I knew he was low on them... I often throw away the empty packets. I noticed a few days ago that he'd only got 2 tablets left, so he ordered a perscription, said he'd pick it up. Well, he hasn't picked them up and theres still those 2 in the packet!!!!!! Means he hasn't taken any for days!

Does he not realise that if he has a fit he'll be unable to work for months at a time! He might forget who I am. We'll more than likely lose our house because we won't be able to afford the repayment on ANY of the bills!

I am so angry right now that I'm actually tempted to walk out, not forever. Just until I calm down. Someone please talk to me.

[Maydup]

Why do you think he stops taking them Chocchip?

[bednobs]

i choclate, i can't give you any words pf wisdom, but perhaps give you an insight into why he does this. When i was first ill (and in fact for some years after, and to some extent still now) i didn't take my treatment regime as should. everything just felt so out of control, that choosing if/when to take tablets was the only thing in my control, so i took them when i felt like it.

[ChocolatChip]

I have absolutely no idea. He gets up very early for work, so I often think that he could forget for that reason. But he always tells me that he takes them at night. He says I just don't see him do it. But I'm there, I've never understood how I couldn't notice?!

He hasn't had a seizure in over 2 years, but that said, he went 18 months without one previously. And that time they upped the dose just to be sure. Now I'm terrified that he could've had one or will have one because he has been taking them.
He doesn't get any kind of auras or know when it'll happen.I just can't understand why he would do this?! It's so important, and he knows that one huge part of my anxiety disorder is related to his epilepsy.

[Prudie]

You should go for a walk, calm down and put yourself in his shoes. Ask him sympathetically why he's chosen not to take them, maybe he's scared or something. We are all different about medical things, I'm always going on at my partner about checking this that and the other or going to the doc to check things out but I'm such a hypocrite as I don't do any of those things myself because I'm too scared. People on here are always saying go to your GP, walk-in centre blah-blah but some of us would rather run a mile than face up to medical problems

[ChocolatChip]

I can understand the whole idea of control bednobs, but he needs to see sense. He's the sole breadwinner in the house, and the last few times he had to leave work for several months and we wouldn't able to afford our home if he got ill.

[cupid04]

Has he been getting any unwelcome side-effects that made him stip taking the drugs. If so he should make an appointment with his gp as soon as possible. Tell him how worried you are as calmly as possible. Take care, Love cupid04.xx

[bednobs]

i think starting with "you need to see sense" probably isn't the best starting point. People like to think things wont happen to them (look at all the overweight people who don't think they are going to get heart disease or all the smokers who think they wont be the ones who get cancer)

[ChocolatChip]

Thanks all, I wouldn't have thought he would've had any side effects, he's never mentioned any. If anything they made things a lot better.He had serious issues with sleepless nights, sleep walking and night terrors before the tablets came along. I had noticed that they were getting regular again, but I just thought maybe he was stressed. And that can happen.

I'm trying very hard to put myself in his shoes. But whenever I have gone through problems like this, I have taken my meds religiously.

[ChocolatChip]

I know bednobs, and thank you all for all your help. But that's what I feel like. I actually feel quite betrayed as he promised that he was taking them twice a day everyday.
The thing is, is that he can't say it won't happen to him, because it does/has! When he's bad he can have over 200 fits a day and is bedridden.

[ChocolatChip]

Thank you for all your replies, I'm going to phone my friend and speak with her... I will reply to you all later. Thank you so much!

[Maydup]

That's it as Prudie says, try to stop for moment and think why he won't take them. I'm sure its not to wind you up.

Is he simply forgetful - in whihc case be calm and try to have a lugh about it. Think of new ways you can try helping him to rmemeber to take them.

Do they disagree with him - if so be symapthetic and talk about seeing GP for alternative medication.

Does he hate the routine and simply refuses to aknowledge this situation - again be symapthetic and try to talk about it.

I'm sure as eggs are eggs, that being really cross with him, however angry you feel right now, will not help either him or you. Be strong and tell him how it makes you worried and anxious, rather than how it makes you angry. He's your husband not your son, (I know - doesn't behave like it!) so discuss it rather than curse it. Good luck.

[woofgang]

You are two different people....My Mum used to get really resentful about taking her diabetes meds. She felt she was a prisoner to the blooming things and I kind of understand it.
You probably don't mean it that way but saying "he's the sole breadwinner, we could lose our home is perhaps not the most loving approach?

[ChocolatChip]

Thanks for all your advice. I told him about how worried I was about him not taking them, and he's told me that he had no idea he wasn't taking them, I said that if that's the case then maybe it would be best if I gave him his meds instead. He's asked for one more chance, and said its just because he forgets and gets confused over days and thinks he has taken it. We've compromised and he's said that we will get a pill box and I can check it everyday and fill it, so I can know he's taking them.

I'm still quite upset and feeling a bit betrayed. But I'm feeling a lot less angry. I love him so much and I couldn't bear to see him in that position again. Woofgang, you can say its not a loving approach, but its not the case at all. Not only that, but he'd be devastated if we lost everything too. And sometimes I think it's things like that that make someone realise what they're doing.
Thanks for all your help though

[MissCommando]

Ah I really feel for you. No words of wisdom I'm afraid.

My husband has been on various tablets, pain relief tablets, even morphine and if he doesn't think they work, he'll stop them immediately rather than decreasing the dose as the GP suggests.

You must be so worried and stressed. Maybe let your husband read this post.

Glad you are sorting it now though (and that you realised!) xx

[sandyRoe]

My nephew didn't take his epilepsy medication when he was drinking. One night he dropped as though he'd been poleaxed and smashed his head on the ground. He is a young man in his early 40s. He's going to spend the rest of his life 'in care'.

[andy-hughes]

I do sympathise with your obvious distress, and i can fully understand why you feel so angry and frustrated.

I think the previous answers are very sound - yoou need to conceal your anger and frustration if you are to get to the root of why he is not taking his medication.

I take anti-depressants - have done for the last twenty-three years, and will until i die. Loads of people in my situation rail against it, and hate taking talblets and wish to be free of them. For me, it is insulin for the mind - and i have no problem - it is entirely a matter of individual perception.

You need a calm discussion with your husband - as said, it is unlikely he is avoiding his meds to upset you, even though that is a very real effect that needs to be addressed.

Do keep us inforrmed, there is plenty of experienced support here for you.