Hiway, you MUST tell someone. It wouldn't be so bad if you WERE in the hospital for a while - this is not the sort of thing you can cope with on your own. YOu are only 14 - an adult couldn't cope with that. Did you have counselling and support after the rape? - who can you trust to tell?, school nurse, your doctor? It's not a failing to ask for help, and please believe me, what you are feeling is not rare - the professionals will know how to deal with it. Please talk to a nurse or doctor. They'll help - the hospital is not the only solution.