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My Sprouts Aren't Going To Be Ready :-(
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I put them on at the end of September and thought they'd be ready in time, what am I going to do?
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This is by far the best (well the only) review of tinned sprouts I have ever read.
//I thought that I'd try these Brussels Sprouts last year and include them in my Christmas dinner. Initially I was pleasantly surprised by the taste and swiftly went back for a second helping of these delicious green orbs. This wasn't a problem because there was plenty left over as I was eating alone. After my lovely meal I sat down to digest and watch the Queen's speech. This is when I noticed that my stomach was making some ungodly noises which just got louder and louder. Then it happened. The first baptism of Hells wind had escaped my brand new Farahs. As the flatulence became increasingly forceful it occurred to me that the air in my studio flat had a slightly green hue and my Baileys had curdled. It was also at this stage that my cat - Keith had turned and looked at me in disgust and went to sit outside in the snow as he had nowhere else to go. I thought "enough was enough" and went to make a phone call to the NHS helpline. As I did I noticed the scorch marks that my backside had produced in my recliner chair.
It has taken me nearly a year to rebuild the relationship I have with Keith. They'll be no Sprouts on my plate this Christmas.//
//I thought that I'd try these Brussels Sprouts last year and include them in my Christmas dinner. Initially I was pleasantly surprised by the taste and swiftly went back for a second helping of these delicious green orbs. This wasn't a problem because there was plenty left over as I was eating alone. After my lovely meal I sat down to digest and watch the Queen's speech. This is when I noticed that my stomach was making some ungodly noises which just got louder and louder. Then it happened. The first baptism of Hells wind had escaped my brand new Farahs. As the flatulence became increasingly forceful it occurred to me that the air in my studio flat had a slightly green hue and my Baileys had curdled. It was also at this stage that my cat - Keith had turned and looked at me in disgust and went to sit outside in the snow as he had nowhere else to go. I thought "enough was enough" and went to make a phone call to the NHS helpline. As I did I noticed the scorch marks that my backside had produced in my recliner chair.
It has taken me nearly a year to rebuild the relationship I have with Keith. They'll be no Sprouts on my plate this Christmas.//
Here we are: http://
For those of you with this reptile, take care: http://
And be warned
There just isn't enough febreeze
to rid the room of the haze
Of a Mother-in-Law's fart, strong and silent
It kind of puts you in a daze
It kind of sneaks in, then it hits you
An olfactory h-bomb in your face
Meanwhile, she just sits there
She's wiped the room with anal mace
There is no middle ground here
They always smell like something died
Like she caught a knickersful in the bathroom
Now, it's rotting her insides
Mother-in-Law's farts, are a weapon
That our army has not used
In fact I told them in a letter
In their reply, they were amused
"We've tried to duplicate it"
"A killer weapon... stops the heart"
"But, our scientists just aren't able"
"To reproduce a strong old woman's fart"
"Thank you for your consideration"
"We'll let you know, if we succeed"
"We agree with your kind letter"
"Millies' farts escape and then they breed"
Sometimes when a Millie farts
It makes a noise, she turns around
"My god, I smell incredible"
and then there's the look from her basset hound
So, if you've never smelled a Mother-in-Law's fart
And your Millie just sneaks one out
Do yourself a favour
Do not feed her brussel sprouts.
Happy Christmas.
For those of you with this reptile, take care: http://
And be warned
There just isn't enough febreeze
to rid the room of the haze
Of a Mother-in-Law's fart, strong and silent
It kind of puts you in a daze
It kind of sneaks in, then it hits you
An olfactory h-bomb in your face
Meanwhile, she just sits there
She's wiped the room with anal mace
There is no middle ground here
They always smell like something died
Like she caught a knickersful in the bathroom
Now, it's rotting her insides
Mother-in-Law's farts, are a weapon
That our army has not used
In fact I told them in a letter
In their reply, they were amused
"We've tried to duplicate it"
"A killer weapon... stops the heart"
"But, our scientists just aren't able"
"To reproduce a strong old woman's fart"
"Thank you for your consideration"
"We'll let you know, if we succeed"
"We agree with your kind letter"
"Millies' farts escape and then they breed"
Sometimes when a Millie farts
It makes a noise, she turns around
"My god, I smell incredible"
and then there's the look from her basset hound
So, if you've never smelled a Mother-in-Law's fart
And your Millie just sneaks one out
Do yourself a favour
Do not feed her brussel sprouts.
Happy Christmas.
So can I, Mamya !.
http://
http://
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