Has Anyone Ever Worried About There Child And Their Social Skills.

[Jenarry]

I've started worrying about my nearly 9 year old son recently.
I joined my son for a school lunch for mothers day a couple of weeks ago . he chose a table entirely on his own and while I waited a long while to get my food from the dinner ladies he sat on his own the whole time with no-one talking to him or joining him. That felt like the longest wait in a queue ever. I just wanted to forget my lunch and join him. we sat just the two of us for a while then one of his closest friends ,seren,joined us. i asked matt about this and he says this happens most lunchtimes no-one sits with him and sometimes seren joins him but no-one else does.the other friends he plays with including a long time best mate sit surrounded by lots of others boys so it feels like my lad is being excluded. The same at school yesterday.they were allowed to bring toys in and play in the afternoon with each other. no-one wanted to play with my lad so he said he wasn't allowed to play at all.I feel so protective of him . He runs the risk of being excluded from a lot of things due to health reasons so being excluded for no reason is very upsetting to me.
He is quite a reserved boy and not one to push himself on people but I feel like he needs to to get included more. has anyone been thru this. what did you try . I ask the lunchtime supervisor about him sitting on his own and she just played it down saying nooo he doesn't sit on his own all the time. he's alright,etc. but my lad tells me a different. what would you do?..

[Buenchico]

How much do you invite his friends to be part of his out-of-school life? For example, do you allow him to have friends to play with him in your house? (I knew a mother who wouldn't allow her son to bring friends home because she seemed to be more worried about keeping her house clean and tidy than helping him to develop relationships. Grrr!). If you take him to the beach, to the leisure centre or to the cinema, do you invite him to bring a friend along? Children often seek out friendships that they can enjoy both in school and outside of it; others might not want to play with him in school if they know that they can't extend that friendship out of school.

If you get really worried you might consider having him screened for high-functioning autism. It's generally accepted that at least 1% of the population are on the autism spectrum but many people think that the figure might be closer to 5%, so it's something to keep in mind. (I'm on the autism spectrum and I know plenty of others who have either been similarly diagnosed or who clearly show the signs of autism, so it's obviously far from rare).

[Cloverjo]

I think I'd have a word with his teacher and ask if she could encourage him to join in more, and also encourage others to welcome him. It sounds like his reserve is most of the problem, and not that he is being ignored.
I know how you feel, though. My son was the same. He doesn't have a huge group of mates now, but is very happy with his close friends and became more confident as he grew up.

[Old_Geezer]

No advice as such, just to say I was "reserved" too, not being the type to interact easily, the description you give sounds familiar. I survived ok.

[Zacs-Master]

Have you considered him joining the local Cub Scouts?

[tamborine]

Is he an only child? As Bchico says, encourage him to bring his friends over. You could help by sharing a school run or caring for a working mums kid.

[Maydup]

"He chose a table entirely on his own" ..... i might do the same! But he is at risk of excluding himself, rather than being excluded.

I agree that he would almost certainly benefit from some social ecouragement such as scouts or and after school club. Can you think of something he can manage?

[Old_Geezer]

Some are first at a table and others flock to join them. Some are first at a table and no one joins them. For sure opting not to force oneself into a group of friends where one might not be appreciated, and where one might displace someone they were hoping could join them, doesn't help with exclusion; but if one feels social interaction stressful/uncomfortable finding a new table to start filling, is going to be the natural thing to choose.

[Jenarry]

I do invite his close friends around to play Buenchico and even to days out ,fireworks ,etc..I think the mum's are a bit wary of his medical needs so it feels like i do all the asking and arranging. My son also seems to miss out on birthday invites too and I worry so much that it's because of his diabetes and coeliac or just because he is not getting on with his friends/classmates very well.
His one best mate (they are 9 now and been good friends for around 3 yrs) has always been a bit clingy and not wanting them to join in with other boys which i never really liked -this friend has been bullied quite a lot but now he seems to have found a whole new group of friends and has left my son behind. :( :( We are wanting to move house soon and to a new school and I feel like I want to do it tomorro now but then if my son's shyness is the problem will it be even worse going to brand new school.

[Jenarry]

my poor son has a lot to contend with . :(

[sharplesson]

Any parent will do the same what you are going through, but don't you think he is just 9 and you need to become his friend to discuss things in more friendly environment?

Because i believe, parents are more mature as compare to any genius child, so better tackle things in a positive manner.