I Just

[marval]

I just took my new range of protective headgear for ducks on Dragon's Den
Theo knocked me back. He said it wouldn't cover the bills.

Nuts are so pricey these days.
They cost an almond a leg.

My partner left me because I make too many bad puns and too much Indian food.
I guess I goat curry'd away.

The outside of my house was looking shabby. So I added a pier and two old donkeys.
That should Brighton it up!

I warned my friend I'd be round in a jiffy, so I don't know why he was surprised when I turned up outside his house dressed in a large padded envelope.

Our town vet once neutered 50 dogs in 10 minutes. We call him the ace of spayeds.

I got on a train in Spain and saw a bunch of footballers standing around
It must have been Rail Madrid

I ate the most wonderful flatfish today.
It was brill.

BBC News - "Fire crews tackle large blaze at Kent chicken farm"
Investigator suspects fowl play.

Finished writing my first book today, which was a novel experience.

In his will, my Granddad left me a Victorian device for weaving wigs for yourselves and your children.
It's an old family heirloom.

[excelsior-1]

the government tried last week to make it legal to be able to feed ducks through letterboxes


but the bill didn't go through