Feeling Strange

[queenofmean]

My Aunty is in hospital and as we were in the area we said we would drop her a visit this evening. Dad mentioned the ward number to me and I said to him I don’t know about this.

I said I wouldn’t go, then I said I would then I wouldn’t and I bit the bullet and went.

I got so far in gave one room a wide berth going in and out but when I looked down one corridor I couldn’t move...it was the ward my mum was on when she passed away.

When it was time to leave I practically sprinted out of there.

Now I jut feel sad and a bit teary. I don’t want to not visit my Aunty but I don’t know if this is something that I’ll come up against each time she’s in. Note she’s admitted every 3 months. I’ve put it off for so long for not going but now I’ve been I’m not sure I want to go back in a hurry.

[JimF]

Is she your late Mum's sister? If so, what would your Mum want?

[queenofmean]

She was my late mums sister in law...I don’t know to be honest Jim...my mum didn’t want to be there...I made her go. I don’t think she’d want me to not go in but it just felt strange.

[Mamyalynne]

Though I'm sure your Aunt would understand, it would be a shame if you couldn't overcome this.


Well done for going today, Mum would be proud of you.

[queenofmean]

Thank you Mamya. I’m glad I did it but right now honestly don’t know what to think or feel xx

[pixie374]

Totally understandable, queenie. Don't be too harsh on yourself x take a deep breath and decide what you want and need to do from here xx

[queenofmean]

I’m sure whatever I decide will be the best for everyone. But I can’t let my fears dictate my life..it’s taken me a while to do certain things or get back into things. I’m sure I’ll find away xx

[marval]

It is difficult for you Queenie, well done for going. Your Mum would be so proud of you.

[ummmm]

My dad died in 2008 and I still haven't been to his house since the day he died. I'm OK with hospitals though.

[queenofmean]

I’m sure she would Marval. I feel in a round about way I’m slowly turning into a version of her.

Aww Ummm I’m sorry (hope you are doing well by the way) after she passed it took me a while to go into her room or sit anywhere near her spot on the couch. But I’m sure when you are ready you’ll know. I’m ok with hospitals too but just not that ward...

[woofgang]

there are still places I can't drive to or through and its nearly 8 years now. It may sound trivial if you haven't experienced it but its not. Queenie your Mum would have been proud of you today.

[Smowball]

Completely understandable, but I think if you find the strength to visit her properly you will be real proud of yourself x

[Smowball]

Woofgang I absolutely can relate to that x

[waterboatman]

You're a brave girl queenie. I can understand the emotional turmoil. You must do what you think is right sweetheart.

[waterboatman]

There are places Vera and I went to together that I still can't go to on my own.

[Bobbisox1]

Facing something as hard that has very sad memories is terribly difficult Queenie, you immediately get flashbacks of a traumatic time in your life , feeling teary about it is perfectly normal, I hope you're feeling better this morning